Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting after a Loss
Parenting after a Loss
New Discussion

Two anniversaries

Mmm79Mmm79 member
in Parenting after a Loss

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary.  

It is also the first anniversary of my second loss.

I had some bleeding early on in my second pregnancy and rushed to the OB's office ahead of our anniversary trip to NYC (we were going ahead of our actual anniversary).  I was reassured to see a strong heartbeat and was told that everything was fine and to enjoy my trip.  On my way out they scheduled my next appointment and threw out 4/25.  I hesitated, thinking how awful it would be to go in for an u/s on my anniversary and get bad news...but then I decided I was being paranoid.  Hadn't I just seen a good strong heartbeat, despite the bleeding?  Didn't I have a cute little u/s image in my bag of my rainbow baby?  So I scheduled the appointment for my anniversary, thinking we could celebrate two things on that night.  Instead, I went in for the u/s and knew right away that something was wrong, since the tech was very quiet and never showed me an image.  Two losses in four months. I was devastated.  My wedding anniversary would forever be tinged with sadness.

My second loss sometimes still haunts me.  Unlike my first loss, where a genetic cause was ID'd, genetic testing revealed a health baby boy.  I never got a specific cause for the bleeding, but now I suspect an SCH...which means I never should have gone to NYC...never should have walked all around SoHo, Tribeca, and the Village...I sometimes wonder if I hadn't, if that little boy would have made it...

This year I have conflicting emotions.  I am happy to be celebrating four years with DH.  I am thrilled that I am holding A in my arms today. I feel blessed.  But I am still sad for the little boy I lost. 

Image and video hosting by TinyPic View Full Size Image
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






Report Reply to Post

Re: Two anniversaries

  • OatoaOatoa member

    You will love and miss your angel forever. His not being here with us on earth does not change that, nor should it.

    Two things to remember:

    1.  You did nothing wrong.
    2. You are not alone.  We understand and have been ther

    imagephoto BeachAudrey6-23-2013_zps95b514cd.jpgphoto TRCALBadge_zpse0b3d2cb.jpg
    BFP #1 9-22-10 Missed M/c 10-18-10 D&E 10-28-10

    BFP #2 5-9-11 EDD 1-12-12 Audrey Rachel born 1-12-12

    BFP #3 9-21-13 EDD 5-30-14
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

     

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ChloBubChloBub member
    (((HUGS))) to you on this bittersweet day. No matter how much we love our LOs who are with us, we will always miss the ones who aren't. I hope you are able to celebrate with DH tonight and do something sweet for yourself to honor your lost LO.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    My Blog: One Emerald
    BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
    BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13
    Report Reply
  • Mom2anAngel2Mom2anAngel2 member
    HUGS.....and happy anniversary!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

    Report Reply
  • orangegogglesorangegoggles member
    imageOatoa:

    You will love and miss your angel forever. His not being here with us on earth does not change that, nor should it.</p

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
    Report Reply
  • NBBride05NBBride05 member
    Sending you BIG HUGS!
    May PAL Siggy Challenge - Mom Humor
     image
    TTC Since June 2009 
    BFP #1 - 1/15/12, EDD 9/21/12, Missed M/C - 2/10/12 - I miss you Sapphire!

    BFP #2 - 7/1/12 - Met my lucky charm Alexandra on 3-16-13!!!


    image image image 
    image
    AL always welcome! 

    Report Reply
  • ProfessorPedals825ProfessorPedals825 member
    Big ((hugs)) for you today. Its okay to be sad. I don't think you did anything wrong. That's the one thing you have to remember. It was out of your control. I do hope you can enjoy your day with YH and A today.

    *** aka: andreahshields ***

    *** July Siggy Challenge - Cake Wrecks ***

    image

    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
    Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13

    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • MJM3108MJM3108 member
    T&P and (((HUGS))) to you on this bittersweet day. Happy anniversary!
    PAL JULY SIGGY CHALLENGE: CAKE WRECKS
    image
    You Made me a mommy... 

    Ticker id: ARvP

           imageimageimageimageimage
     Lilypie - (KAFM)

    Report Reply
  • morkmork member
    ::hugs::
     Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Mama to 5 angel babies, 1 rainbow baby, and 2 more angel babies. 
    My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"