Anyone's re-cs due to an unsuccessful vbac? do you regret trying for a vbac? (XP on vbac board too)

Hi all. I'm not currently pregnant again, and although we will likely wait for 1 year before TTC again, I'm in "planning" mode, and want to research/think about the best course for me. Obviously, nobody can tell me that outright, as everyone's circumstances/body are different. I just like taking in as much info as possible (with a grain of salt).

I spoke with the midwife in my practice when I was in for my annual this week, and she basically said that she would NOT consider me a good candidate for a vbac (based on my "failure to progress" labor, the way DS's head was molded but was just not engaging, and the fact that I will likely be high-risk again [the risks of me having Gestational Diabetes again are pretty high due to genetics].) She thinks that my pelvic structure just probably isn't large enough for the babies I would try to birth. (Im 5'10'' and DH is 6'6'', and neither of us is skinny.) While DS was "only" 8 pounds, she thinks he was just too large for my pelvis in particular. He obviously was engaged partially, since his head was molded, but something had to be physically blocking him, since he couldn't descend far enough to put any pressure on me to dilate. Unfortunately, the doc never said anything of the sort at the time, so I have no way of knowing if this is true, or just conjecture. (I've asked for my operative report, on the off-chance that something will be written down, but from what she said, they're rarely very detailed.) I really like the midwife, and as such, she would have no stake in wanting me to have another surgery (she obviously can't perform them; it doesn't make anything any easier on her, and she wants me to have the birth experience that I want). She knows that I want to avoid a re-cs because of my hellish recovery from this one, and understands, but just doesn't think I can ever vaginally birth a baby. 

(Background: I had a high-risk pregnancy with DS due to Gestational Diabetes. (I also am missing a gallbladder, have a "re-grown" liver, and have asthma. None of those actually presented much of a risk, though). My doc was adamant about not allowing me to go past 39 weeks, due to the risk of placental deterioration (because I had to go on insulin at night. Despite an extremely strict diet and great numbers otherwise, my first of the morning blood sugar levels would not get in control). I was induced (Foley bulb cath, then pitocin) at 39w2d. Unfortunately, my body had absolutely NO signs of being ready before then, and I absolutely stalled. Labored for 24 hours (at max pitocin drip for hours; super strong contractions, etc), but did not dilate past 2- 3 cm. Near the end, DS started getting stressed, and my water had been broken for over 20 hours at that point, so CS it was. My recovery was what was utter hell though. Flat nipples/poor latch led to EPing, but I'm apparently among a minority of women where pumping leads to massive problems with plugged ducts and mastitis. At the same time, my scar opened up at 2 weeks pp; I had an open wound down the muscle fascia. I had to go to the wound center weekly, have my husband pack/unpack/clean it out twice daily with gauze/qtips, etc. I wound up getting a systemic staph infection and strep b infection. Had 104 fever for 5 days. Was on continuous rounds of antibiotics for 6 weeks (which, just to add insult to injury, caused diarrhea for about 8 weeks, thanks to my lovely IBS). FINALLY at 14 weeks pp, I had a 2nd surgery to close the wound. It took another few weeks to heal from that. I wasn't actually supposed to hold/carry my baby (or a freaking milk jug, really) until he was well over 5 months old. I couldn't take him out by myself at all in that time, because I literally couldn't carry everything, and I was exhausted after just getting everything/him into the car. Basically, it was utter hell, and I'm so sad/mad/frustrated; I basically missed the first 5 months of my son's life. I mean, I was there, but it certainly wasn't enjoyable, and half of that time, I was in a fever/pain/drugged daze. 

So, based on all of that, I'm thinking ahead and I know that there's NO WAY I could do that all again (especially because DS will hopefully be just under 3 years old, and is a HIGH ENERGY toddler right now!) My nightmare is having the same situation all over again. Which is why I'm terrified of the idea of going for a VBAC, finding out that my body truly does just suck at birthing babies, and winding up with a re-csection after many long hours of exhausting labor yet again. I keep hearing that in terms of recovery, it's better to schedule a re-cs than to labor and wind up with one anyway. Despite all of that, I just have this strong (stubborn, I guess?) want for a VBAC. The benefits/recovery are so much better, and therefore, life will be so much better for DS then too. It's all incredibly frustrating.

So I guess I just wanted to vent and ask anyone if they decided to go for a vbac and it didn't work? And do you regret trying? (Do you feel your recovery was more difficult because of the trial of labor, etc?)