Unaccepting Teen please help

Re: Unaccepting Teen please help

• ShellBear+ member

  April 2013

  Sorry that is a hard situation.  I was in a similiar situation as a kid because my mom got pg when I was 15 with her newish b/f at the time, now husband.  I thought she was really stupid and was not happy about how this would affect my life.  I was angry and upset and I'm sure a pain to deal with for awhile.  I did get over it eventually and loved my brother and then sister.  I think it might be easier for a girl though and your son may take longer to come around.  It sounds like maybe he is rightly worried about the finances and I hope the situation improves for you.  I think all you can do is reassure him that this will work out and keep trying.  Do you have another family member that he is close to that can help talk to him about it? That is all I can suggest but I wish you luck with this.  

  TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
  BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
  BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
  BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
  BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13

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• surpriseaddition member

  April 2013

  I had some issues with my oldest, who is almost 15 now.  Our situation is a little different since my DH and I have her, my DS who is 12, and now this surprise baby that wasn't planned at all.  We thought we were done havng kids a decade ago.

  Like PP said, I think it is different with a girl, but I know a lot of my daughter's issues was fear that she would lose me as a mother...that I would be so wrapped up in the baby, she would get lost since, according to her, no one likes teenagers anyways, and of course a cute little baby would be all anyone would care about - not her.  I made a lot of effort to still do special things with her, like taking her shopping with her girlfriends, which was quite a feat pregnant at 42, or just spending time with her.

  What helped her connect for the first time is I took her to an appointment with me so she could hear the heartbeat.  That somehow made the whole thing seem real to her and she seemed more interested that it was an actual person.  I also let both kids go to the u/s with me.  That really increased the attachment....but my 12 year old son made the comment "I could have done without seeing your ovaries".  They looked at those first before the baby, and I didn't think anything of it, but it did freak him out a bit since he knows all about that stuff now from school.  

  Finally, my DD actually seems excited now that we've washed all the clothes and she insisted on folding all of them and putting them away.  She said she can't wait to dress her little sister. 

  The main thing I can say is that it was a 6 month process to get her to warm up to the idea, and I think once she is here, my oldest will love our new LO just as much as my DH and I will.  I think a lot of it is typical teenage insecurity, and the fear of being replaced that all older siblings have.  It just gets expressed much differently by teenagers.  GL and I'm sure he'll come around in time.

  
  **DD1 - 7/9/98**

  **DS - 11/9/00**

  **DD2 - 4/30/13**
  

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• Lucky13boys

  April 2013

  Thank you everyone I talked to a few close friends last night since we arent close with much of our family and I talked to a few of the "football moms" yesterday we live in a small town and Football is the World but I have hidden behind sweatshirts and sweats for months which since I am always cold and have some illness problems, but I wasnt ready to accept the pregnancy until i knew it was a viable healthy situation. Had a miscarriage 5 years ago that almost killed me emotionally I had went through over a year of fertility treatments to conceive that child. But now that the tests have all shown ok and the genetic Dr says all is good it is time to announce . But my friends and fellow football moms have seemed to embrace this as a blessing and truly a child meant to be despite many odds so hopefully the support of his "football family " will being him around. I will ask him if he would like to go to my next ultrasound and see how that goes :. I am such a person that never cares what others think why does my sons opinion hurt so bad ?

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• michelleonthecoast member

  April 2013

  He may come around in time.  Try not to take it personally.  He sees the baby as a drain on the finances (understandable) and doesn't have the same emotional connection to the baby that you do.

  My youngest daughter (12) was unaccepting as well but she seems to be coming around.  I didn't take it personally and tried to keep things as normal as possible at home.  We try to keep the mood light and humorous about the situation.  For example we joked about making her babysit and she said if she babysits she will put the baby in the dog cage.  So now it's a joke that she is not allowed to babysit or we will come home to the baby in the dog cage.  She laughs about it.

  I haven't take any of the kids to ultrasounds at all.  I've offered but they aren't interested...which is fine.  I don't want to "push" the baby on them.  I try to involve them in small ways such as picking out the crib set and baby clothes.

  When it comes down to it, I wouldn't expect your son to automatically be accepting.  He has a right to his feelings.  But at the same time I wouldn't tolerate him being mean to you.

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• misticreelttc2

  April 2013

  Keep trying. Try to see if he will get involved with things like finding a nice name for your LO and ask him to attend Dr. visits for sonograms. Helping with the nursery like painting and putting together furniture. Good luck.

  February 2013...Started TTC...March - No success...April - Impatiently waiting....

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