Trying not to think about it

CaptainSerious · April 2013

but our Peruvian lawyer is traveling to M's hometown today, to spend the next few days looking for M's first mom!

I'm so excited and nervous. Excited he may find her. Nervous he may not. Nervous he does and she's not well. Nervous he finds out she's no longer alive. Nervous he didn't get our last two e-mails, telling him our ideas of where he might find her and what we'd like him to say and do if he does, in time. Excited for any news we can give M.

It was so hard to decide just how much we wanted to share at this point. We went back and forth. We are so afraid she may say she didn't consent to the adoption (it shouldn't matter legally, because her rights were terminated long before we ever got involved with M, but you know how these things can cause major issues and scrutiny in international adoptions), that we want to be very limited on what information we share until we know more about how she'll react, but at the same time, we want her to know M is thriving and loves and misses her. So, in the end, this is what we decided:

we would like you to tell her that M was adopted and is thriving. Please DO NOT tell her who we are, that we are Americans, or that we adopted another son. We would just like her to know that M is well and loved very much. We would also like you to tell her that M loves her and thinks of her often. We would like her to know that he prays for her, specifically, he prays that she has enough food and is safe. He worries about her, will never forget her, and is very concerned for her.

In another e-mail I will send you a couple pictures of M. Please give them to her, and let her know that we will always love him and take care of him. Let her know that he is safe and that he is a very generous, thoughtful boy with a heart of gold.