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I hate my body right now

tryingyetagaintryingyetagain member
in Secondary IF

I am sorry to be a downer, but I need to vent so badly right now.  I'm at 14dpiui and it's all been bfn's.  I wasn't spotting at all yet, so I still had hope.  But then, last night, we went to the Rockies game and of course when I went to the bathroom there was a little pink streak.  I was so angry and frustrated and dejected I couldn't even talk to DH or DS for about an hour.  I was just sitting there in a daze.

How do 2 perfectly sized little follies and 38.8 million washed and perfectly swimming little sperm not find each other?  Especially when we had an HSG to clear my tube, and an IUI to put the sperm exactly where they needed to be?  How do so many of us endure this month after month?  We were able to get pregnant three times in the last two years on our own (although they were all losses), but we haven't been able to get pregnant at all since, for over a year.  Even with everything being "perfect" this month, still nothing.

I hate this.  I hate my stupid age.  I hate my stupid body.  I hate turning on the tv and seeing Kim Kardashian beaming with a big bump.

I do have to say, however, that I do love seeing bfp's here.  It gives me hope, and I know you ladies have all felt like I feel at this moment.  I'm crying while I'm writing this.  Sorry to be such a downer, I just needed to get all this off my chest.

Me: 42. DH: 46.

1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
Baby is due 4/26/14

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Re: I hate my body right now

  • CeCe8579CeCe8579 member
    I'm sorry! I'm praying you still get a BFP. IF really sucks! I love this board though because it does bring so much hope!
    Carly
    (Former UN: iloveshanej)

    Birdie born 05/01/2007
    Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017                                          


    Potato Launcher


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  • KaselleckKaselleck member
    I totally get it. After my BFN this week from my FET, I've been so depressed all week. Take the time you need to pick up the pieces and move forward. Thinking of you.
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  • HairStylinWifeyHairStylinWifey member

    I get it. With 3 textbook and perfect failed IUI's under my belt it makes no sense to me either.

    I was recently explaining to my SIL everything that goes into an IUI cycle and how conditions are all there to get pregnant. And yet. I still only

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    Me:24 DH:27
    TTC #2 since August 2011

    DX: Low AMH 1.79 Mildly elevated FSH 9.9

    1 month of Letrozole, 3 IUI's with Letrozole, All BFN. 1 canceled IVF cycle, BFN.


    May 2013 IVF w/ICSI #1.5: Start BCP 5/8 2 pills a day. Suppression Ultrasound 5/29. Begin Dexamethasone & Lupron Microdose 5/31. Started Gonal F and Menopur 6/2.


    ER 6/12 13R,9M,8F.


    5DT CANCELLED due to moderate OHSS


    5DT UNcancelled due to embryos not being capable of cryopreservation


    Transfered 2 "poor quality" embryo's on 6/17

    No frozen embryos.


    Beta #1 6/25 6. Chemical Pregnancy confirmed. Beta #2 6/28 -1
    Done trying

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  • kimberm0511kimberm0511 member
    I've been where you are so many times and it really sucks.  I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.  Don't give up hope.
    TTC #3 (#1 for DH) since September 2011. DX: Unexplained infertility with possible cervical factor. May 2012 did clomid with IUI - BFN August 2012 IUI #2 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN September 2012 IUI #3 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN October 2012 IUI #4 w/ follistim/letrozole - BFN November/December 2012 IVF/ICSI #1 Retrieved 12 eggs, 8 fertilized. Transferred 1 beautiful embryo and 5 made it to freeze. Got my BFP! January 2013 u/s showed empty gestational sac. FET cycle April 2013.  Transferred 2 5 day embryos.  BFP!!!!!  2 heartbeats!!!!  EDD:  12/27/13
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  • tryingyetagaintryingyetagain member

    Thanks so much, ladies.  It really does help to vent here and get support from women who really understand.  Kimberm0511, you (and the other bfp mamas on  here) really do help me have hope each month!

    The spotting was worsening yes

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

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  • kentcarriekentcarrie
    I feel your pain.  We are starting our 3rd IVF since January.  My in-laws make it worse because they don't understand how come it has not worked already.  (both cycles canceled prior to ET).  It seems like with all we go through, there
    Me - 38 (Endo, DOR) DH- 41 Married in 2003, TTC for 6+ years Dec 2012 - Lap, both tubes removed Jan 2013 - IVF #1 - MDLF, Cancelled March 2013 - IVF #2 - Antagonist - cancelled after ER May 2013 - IVF #3 - TPP Antagonist W/HGH
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  • tryingyetagaintryingyetagain member

    imagekentcarrie:
    It seems like with all we go through, there should be a really high chance of success, and that is just not always

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

    Report Reply
  • kofmkgkofmkg member
    I'm really sorry.  IF is unfair. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    Love, luck, and prayers to my BFPB Dr. SnowflakeBride

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