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One & Done: Only child
ChaiMomma
member
But what if something happens to your daughter?
ChaiMomma
member
I told a close friend that we were pretty sure we were OAD today, and her response was, "But what if something happens to your daughter? Then you won't be a mother anymore." Seriously? 1. I will always be a mother and 2. I don't want a decision to have another child to be based on the worry that something will happen to my 1st child. When I pointed both of these things out she got a little bit grumpy. Gah, I don't like confrontation, but I don't think it's fair to have people question our life choices based on things they worry about....
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Re: But what if something happens to your daughter?
Um, a second child is not a replacement child.
People are so weird.
I've heard this from people as well. WTF? People aren't replaceable. I don't need a "back up" kid.
And yes... you'll always be a mother. How rude of someone to say otherwise.
First, I am going to channel my inner Stephanie Tanner and say, "How rude!"
Second, I think that is the stupidest reason to have another child and that that is an awful way to view/live life.
Once a mommy, always a mommy.
Does she really think that losing your child would be any more tolerable just because you have another?? I'm pretty sure the devastation is almost unbearable regardless of more children waiting in the wings.
No spouse to live for...?
Okay, let's say my DD dies. I would maybe look into adoption or fostering for another one but it certainly does not mean that I am going to TTC again.
We are mostly one and done by choice but due to medical concerns with me it's best I don't ttc again.
Yeah this. What a weird and kind of inappropriate thing to say to someone.
Awful things happen to entire families sometimes - I'm not going to have another "just in case". That kind of stuff is out of our hands.
What a morbid thing to bring up in casual conversation.
This has luckily never been said to me. But when my parents made the choice after I was born to adopt a 2nd child instead of having another biological child, the same thing was said to them. They were equally "WTF" about it. As if another biological child could actually replace me.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
So...they aren't parents of an adopted child? What an even more weird and awful thing to say.
Yeah, I'm totally going to have another just so I have a backup.
I'm not Princess Di. I don't need an heir and a spare.
Burned by the Bear
Oh my golly, I have heard this argument before and it makes zero sense. You don't have children for them to keep you company and a mother who loses a child is no less of a mother. Besides, the silliness is in that most tragedies (car wreck, house fire, etc.) can happen to the whole family leaving a mother with 10 kids childless. I get that losing a child is a mother's biggest fear, but having a "safety net" child is crazy talk.
This sounds like something that would be said in the 1920s when having as many kids as possible was important because the infant mortality rate was higher, there were childhood diseases that would strike, and you needed as many hands as possible out on the farm.
It reminds me of when my cat died 2 years ago. I know a lot of people don't get the pet thing but he really was like my child and it was very sudden. You also can't take much time off of work or grieve publicly with the loss of a pet. I had a lot of people ask very early on if I was going to get another cat, it felt so insanely insensitive and horrible I would usually just look at them like they were crazy. I didn't want a replacement cat and it would have made the situation far worse. After about 7 months I felt ready to welcome a new kitty into my home, but that was in my own time.
My grandmother had 10 children and always says that one child will never replace another.
That said, my husband's great grandparents lost BOTH of their children and I have seen what it has done to them and it makes me want to have one million babies. But that passes
Same here! My kid brother is adopted and people say the worst things, like my parents have one child "of their own" and one adopted kid. Hello, the entire point of adoption is that you have a child of your own. You aren't babysitting a reaaaally long time.
I thought everyone had a backup husband! Here's mine: