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October 2011 Moms
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My bff's airhead stepmom, Val.

HappyAardvarkHappyAardvark member
in October 2011 Moms

I think I need to start a blog. Really. I tried to go back and think of all my Val stories but I know I am forgetting some. Here are my favorites (starting with the dupes from Lopes' post below):

 

Val on OTC meds:

BFF is a nurse. Val calls her, obviously upset, because she has a really bad headache that won't go away. She only has Tylenol PM, and wants to know if it's safe to take it. Since it was only 11am. Not the PM. Did she need to wait until noon?

 

Even a broken clock is right twice a day:

Last St. Patrick's Day we were in DE, we all went out to a bar (Val and bff's dad party harder than any 22 year old, I can promise you that). Val had on a green watch, and I commented on it, and asked her what time it was. She thanked me, but told me that it wasn't working, supposing the battery had died, since she only wore it once a year on St. Patrick's Day. I sort of teased her a little for wearing a watch deliberately knowing it didn't work, to which she remarked that she did it on purpose, that she had "set it for the time they got to the bar, so she'd know how long she'd been there." O_O

 

Val on the unfairness of cancer:

The other night, she was visiting my friend and they were talking about a friend of theirs (Val's and bff's dad's), who had just been diagnosed with testicular cancer. She then pointed to her throat and said "he has to get all this radiated, and he didn't even smoke!" BFF had to then explain that those were TONSILS, and testicles are BALLS. Val's response? "I don't know these things because I only ever had a daughter."


Val on baking:

We were at a party at BFF's dad's and Val's house about 2 years ago. Val (who does NOT cook), was so proud of herself for making brownies, and offered the tray to us. BFF and I each took one, and as we bit into them, realized that they were a tad... gooey. Undercooked. As we are chewing and trying to control our facial expressions, Val said, "are they not cooked all the way? I don't know what I did wrong. The box said they would take 30 minutes to cook, so I set the timer and started making them. I took them out of the oven right at the 30 minute mark and they looked done, but I guess the box was wrong."

She set the timer before she put them in the oven. As in, when she opened the box and started prepping the mix. WHO DOES THAT?


Val on car models:

Val is an attractive older woman. Blonde, tan, relatively fit for being in her 60s, and dresses pretty well. Not skanky, but not in paper bags either. So last summer, her best friend was up visiting from Florida, and let Val drive around in her convertible Jaguar for the day. So here's Val, blonde hair, sunglasses on, top down on the Jag, cruising around town. Pulls up to a red light and a guy pulls up next to her with his windows down. They make eye contact, he sort of nods and goes, "Cougar, huh?"  To which Val replies, "No, this is my friend's car, it's a JAGUAR. A JAGUAR."  Then she drove off. When she told us that story, she was like, "what kind of idiot doesn't know what a Jaguar is?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I would have paid good money to have seen the look on that guy's face when she made that reply.

 

Val on feeding your children a balanced diet:

We were talking one day about how picky eaters kids can be (Val has a daughter who has twin boys who are the world's pickiest eaters, which is how the topic came up). Val said that she never found it that difficult to get her daughter to eat vegetables, she never turned them down. Curious, I asked what her secret was. Val told me that she just made popcorn. Since, you know, popcorn comes from corn, and corn is a vegetable, so as long as you included popcorn with dinner, you were giving your kid a vegetable, and who doesn't like popcorn?

I wish I could make this stuff up, folks. 

July 20th, 2012: Never forget the day the fb douchebags tried so hard, but ultimately failed. Viva la October 2011! Yeah, I called you douchebags.

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BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11. AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

***BFP Chart***

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

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