DH is SAHD...advice?

zombiemommy · February 2013

My husband is a graduate student and is also a SAHD. I go back to work a week from Monday, and he'll be alone with them most days of the week (his dad is retired and can help out from time to time). We've been pretty spoiled to usually have both of us at home, but I know it's still going to be hard to manage two little ones on his own. Any suggestions would be great! I know the truth is that he'll just have to accept that sometimes they'll both be crying and that's okay, but anything to make his life a little easier would be great.

ShopperKristi · February 2013

Gosh it is so hard right away and a huge adjustment. Some of the things that really helped me:

-Having a new parents group once a week - I always looked forward to that day because I would treat myself to lunch at a drive-thru then go hang out with the group which got me out of the house to a place where it didn't matter if the babies cried, needed to be fed, etc. SUCH a sanity saver!

-If you don't go to a group just try to get out of the house in general! We spent a lot of the early days wandering Target or the mall because the boys slept well in their stroller when it was moving and I could get a coffee and browse. It can also help to just take a drive when the babies are super fussy if they do well in the car!

-Knowing that if I was having a hard time it was ok to put the babies in their cribs where they were safe for and take a break. My new parents group leader (who I love) told me "if you are having a hard time, make sure they are clean, put them in their cribs and take a 10 minute shower, even if you've already showered for the day, to help refocus and renew your energy" I never actually took a shower but I almost felt like I needed that "permission" to take time away when I really needed it and knowing I could do that helped!

-Have him schedule one night every few weeks or once a month that he can get out of the house to look forward to (for me this is my MoM's group meetings/outings) but for him it might be going out with friends or going to class(?)

-Try not to have a lot of expectations about things getting done during the day. A lot of days I had to lie down whenever the babies did because it was just physically exhausting. I wasn't able to get much done around the house until recently and nowadays I feel accomplished when I fold laundry or unload the dishwasher during the day!

-If you haven't already, try to get the babies on a loose schedule (like EASY) so he knows what comes next. We have always kind of followed a loose 3 hour EASY schedule and it helps me understand and anticipate their needs and when/why they might be crying.

I don't know if this is helpful - you may be doing a lot of this already! I just remember being super anxious the first few days and some days are rough but it does get so much easier! He'll just have to push through it for a while! Good luck to him, it is such an adventure!

Reilly626 · February 2013

I like what above poster said and tell him to repeat no baby was hurt from crying! I'd have to repeat this in my head as I was preparing their lunch and they were crying!!! Also in the beginning he may be jealous of you for getting out and being near adults I was of my husband. Absolutely let him go out for breaks away!

AmyJoy728 · February 2013

Something our nurse said to me that first night in the hosp was "if they are crying they either are: a) hungry so feed them, b) wet so change them, c) uncomfortable so check the temperature in the room and their clothes to make sure nothing is scratching or wet or d) want to cry so snuggle them. also, if you need to take a break BC they are crying and you can't figure out why then put them down somewhere safe and go in the bathroom and put the fan on to cover the noise, or go far enough away. Give yourself 5 mins. If you don't feel better stay another 5 minutes. As a pp said, no baby died from crying.

4510heather · February 2013

My DH is also a stay at home dad and the first few weeks were tough. I think once he got brave enough to venture out with them he did a lot better mentally. I think he survived the first few months by getting out of the house, even if just to run errands. So my advice to him is not not be hesitant to venture out - it will help him mentally!

zombiemommy · February 2013

4510heather:
My DH is also a stay at home dad and the first few weeks were tough. I think once he got brave enough to venture out with them he did a lot better mentally. I think he survived the first few months by getting out of the house, even if just to run errands. So my advice to him is not not be hesitant to venture out - it will help him mentally!

Thanks! That's his plan. He's already gone out with just them once or twice, and he will be using that as a backup if the boys are totally screamy. He doesn't like all the "awwws" and questions, but it kind of goes with the territory. Sometimes he just puts his headphones in. lol.

Thanks everyone for your input! Such specific detail is super great!

flipflops01 · April 2013

My husband is a SAHD too. Ditto on other suggestions. Once he got a system down, and the weather got nicer, getting out of the house was key. Also, we developed trading off a bit on weekend so that both of us had one free day if needed to make plans, go see a movie, etc, which helped him especially get a break in the week. I do think it helps too that a lot of our neighbors are sahm so at least now that it is warmer out, he can take our LO out to play with other kids and get some adult time talking to others. Good luck, and kudos to your DH for doing it- I think it's awesome!

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