Am I overstepping my SIL?

Tabbycat22 · April 2013

My BIL & SIL are expecting their 1st baby in early August. Its kind of a strange situation because they are currently not living together. SIL is in the army and stationed in Texas, BIL lives here (Oregon) he is in the national guard and eligible to be deployed next year so with a baby coming they wanted one parent to be at home so she is being discharged and moving here in the next couple weeks.

So MIL and I would like to throw a shower for SIL, she has no family here and really not much in the way of friends either as she grew up in Michigan. The only friends she knows here are BIL's friends she has met the 4 or 5 times she has come to visit. So I sent her a message on Facebook asking her about dates. Turns out BIL's friend ( a girl he casually dated at one point) is allready planning a huge shower and BIL feels having a second shower here is "too much." The shower she is planning is going to be over an hour away and really quite a drive for a lot of family and friends. MIL and I think its completely reasonable to have a second shower for the family and friends that live close (gas is expensive!) but at the same time I dont want to be that "overbearing in-law" by insisting to have a second shower.

I am also a little put-off by this girl taking over a role that in my opinion should be left to close friends or family. BIL has always been a little strange this way though, putting friends above family and with SIL not being here she has left BIL to make a lot of these sorts of decisions. Am I being reasonable? Or should I suck it up and let this girl run the show and not throw a second shower with MIL?

1026pumpkin · April 2013

If I were in your shoes, I would have tried to ask SIL directly rather than going through BIL, because it sounds like he won't even be here for the shower(s). When she gets home, you and MIL could let her know that you offered a 2nd family shower an

Tabbycat22 · April 2013

1026pumpkin:
If I were in your shoes, I would have tried to ask SIL directly rather than going through BIL, because it sounds

jencnh · April 2013

An over an hour drive is crappy, but if you already put your shower offer out there and it was turned down, I'd back off, suck it up, and just make the long drive. It's not worth putting a strain on your relationship with your SIL by pushing the issue. If

1026pumpkin · April 2013

Tabbycat22:
1026pum

Tabbycat22 · April 2013

1026pumpkin:
Tabbycat2

Tabbycat22 · April 2013

jencnh:
An over an hour drive is crappy, but if you already put your shower offer out there and it was turned down, I'd back o

abell77 · April 2013

You can't insist she have a second shower. You can offer, and she can either accept or she can decline. I can understand your feelings to a point, but bottom line is you can't force a shower on someone who doesn't want it.

EastCoastBride · April 2013

Tabbycat22:

I will be left out.

Left out of what, though? Throwing a party? L

526SadieSadie · April 2013

It's overreaching to plan a shower after they have declined.

stephweinstein · April 2013

jencnh:
An over an hour drive is crappy, but if you already put your shower offer out there and it was turned down, I'd back o

highlights · April 2013

I think there are so many things that you can do to become closer to her other than throwing a shower. She's going to be a young, new mother, potentially without her husband in a new place for a very long time.

Take her to a spa with your M

Am I overstepping my SIL?

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