Is This Unusual?

sschwege · April 2013

So DH's parents give us money quite frequently and I'm not talking about Birthday/Christmas money. Just write checks for no apparent reason. My MIL argues that since they help out my BIL with childcare but live too far to do the same for us that this is their way of helping us. It honestly makes me a bit uncomfortable, like we aren't really making it on our own, we are still being treated like kids ourselves, etc. Not sure really how to explain it, but hope it makes sense. Plus I do worry sometimes that this doesn't come without a price tag. My MIL has said before, "We do a lot for you people". So my concern is perhaps at some point it will be time to 'pay the piper'. Like I'm envisioning her using that as a way to get us to visit more in her old age or something along those lines.

Not even sure what the point of this post is only to ask if it seems a bit unusual to be giving your grown child money for seemingly no reason. I should add that my ILs are in pretty good shape financially, but then we aren't struggling either, our only debts are mortgage, one car that we are making payments on and my student loans. Please don't take this to sound as if I'm being ungrateful, but it just makes me uncomfortable accepting money from anyone.

rjeller32 · April 2013

That would bother me a little bit, but I hate taking charity, especially when I don't need it at all. I would understand if I ask for help that both my parents and my IL's would be more than willing to help, but personally I would politely not accept m

sschwege · April 2013

rjeller32:
That would bother me a little bit, but I hate taking charity, especially when I don't need it at all. I would under

TheEditor · April 2013

rjeller32:
That would bother me a little bit, but I hate taking charity, especially when I don't need it at all. I would under

this decaf life · April 2013

I learned from my mom & grandma's interactions about money to just accept it and thank them. Parents don't want to be forgotten when their kids grow up and right now sending money is the way they can be helpful.

vettymama · April 2013

this decaf life:
I learned from my mom amp; grandma's interactions about money to just accept it and thank them. Parents don't want

kerbear135 · April 2013

if MIL doesn't want to, maybe talk to DH about the two of you putting the checks into an account for your child to use for future expenses..then if she brings up how much she "does" for you two, just let her know that her "contributions" are going to impr

bjlucas1 · April 2013

I agree with the idea of putting the money in an account for your baby's future (college fund or whatever). That way your MIL can still feel helpful and you won't feel like you are taking her money when you don't need it. It can be just between your MIL a

Randa&Jerm · April 2013

Its a gift. I don't understand why people are not willing to accept a free gift. You said it yourself that they have enough money and its their way of giving and helping. If you think she is doing it in a way to manipulate you or harm yo

Kie310 · April 2013

I agree with making an account for LO & all the grandparent money goes in there. That way you are accepting it with no hurt feelings & doing something great for your kid.

BLPL101 · April 2013

Just don't cash it.

gnomemom · April 2013

When we announced we were pregnant, MIL set up a savings account for our LO. Every once in a while, she deposits money in there. I have no idea how much is in it, and I don't even think we have access to it. We haven't asked about it. I think it was a

lcmilla · April 2013

We encourage my inlaws and parents to spend the money on visiting us or us visiting them rather than gifts or cash we don't need...we want them to understand that their relationship with LO is a higher priority in our book

Unknown · April 2013

I totally, totally get this!

I really struggled with it when we were first married, and from time to time I still do. That's not how we do it in my family, but they do it in theirs a lot. (And not just money, but stuff too).

When I was

izziebee · April 2013

I just want to tell you that I completely understand your feelings on this. My husbands mom does this all the time... and she can't afford it. For some reason she feels a need to not only get my kids gifts at birthdays/christmas like normal but then on th

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