just annoyed with a friend...sorry long

amd1982 · April 2013

I know I'll probably get flamed for this post. however i just need to get this out so I feel better, and hopefully there is someone on this board who will understand. DH has a good friend from college who is married to this girl - we have become friends over the years, and she is a good person. I just get really annoyed with her sometimes because i feel like she creates all this drama as some kind of a comparison to me or competitiveness, I'm not sure why (because most of it isn't good stuff!). I'll explain...

I am 30, she is 32. Back when DH and I were trying to have a baby and going through fertility struggles, she was not married yet (engaged). She would say to me how concerned she was that she would have problems getting pregnant because of some issues with her bladder that she had as a baby and little girl. I'm not quite sure how a bladder plays into fertility, but hey I sympathized with her concerns and told her I was always here for her if she needed me (but hoped she didn't have to experience anything like IF). Well fast forward to after we found out we were pregnant with twins, we had a party and invited friends over to celebrate. This couple came and announced right when they came in the door that they were 6 weeks pregnant on the first month they tried. Obviously I was happy for them, I never want anyone to experience IF issues. It did rain on my parade a little bit only bc it's always hard to feel like everyone has it easy except you, but I put my big girl pants on and congratulated her and was excited we'll have babies close in age.

When I was 27 wks and found out we had cord flow issues and IUGR and was admitted to the hospital she was very nice and texted me checking in. Then her doc thought he saw those light spots on her babies heart and bowel and I did the same for her - let me know if you need anything, etc. Well then at her 16wk appt, her doctor said it was a false alarm and everything was 100%ok. I was so happy for them. But she proceeded to keep saying (while we're going to the MFM 3x/wk for fetal surveys and BPPs) I'm glad we're in this together, no one understands what it' like to have pregnancy complications. Meanwhile I'm sitting there like "well, you're lucky because you don't!" I obviously didn't say that, but I'm thinking it. Then we deliver our twins at 36w3d (after being admitted twice and receiving steroid shots, panicked that I was going to deliver at 28 wks thank god i didn't) with one baby weighing 4lbs, going down to 3lbs 13oz at one point. Very scary, however we had it good - no NICU time, no respirator. I mean, I honestly feel so lucky. Then this friend (at 30 wks) says "oh yeah, they think my baby might have IUGR." I proceeded to ask her how much her baby weighed, I felt so bad that she was going through something similar. She goes "oh, she is already 6lbs. they're saying she could be over 9lbs at birth." uhh. I'm confused. Intra-uterine growth restriction. My IUGR baby was in the 0, yes 0% for her weight the entire pregnancy. She was 1lb 10oz at 30 weeks.

I'm just frustrated. She just had the baby a week ago, weighing over 8lbs and very healthy. I am happy for them. But just annoyed that this kind of "comparative" thing is going to continue throughout our friendship. It just seems like she's always trying to one up me (whether it's having the CUTEST outfits for her baby or having the HARDEST labor unlike me who had a csection) on things that I don't even care about. I want to just relax but sometimes I feel like whatever I say she's had it worse, done it better...does this make any sense? Congrats if you made it through this long boring post. Thanks for letting me vent. Just needed to voice it to someone other than DH.

amd1982 · April 2013

Sorry forgot to mention one thing - I guess for me I always try and know who my "audience" is. For example, I have a cousin who gave birth to a micro-preemie at 24 weeks. He was 1lb 4oz and is a complete miracle. Although she would text and call me asking

mystic_J · April 2013

I can relate. My SIL decided while we were TTC that if I was a normal weight and having lot of IF issues, then she, weighing in close to 250 lbs, "must have even more problems" than me. Um, bish, we're not related. IF isn't contagious.Because she thoug

Mrs.AmyDylan · April 2013

Thankfully I don't have a friend like that, however DH had friend like that in the last city we lived. It was about material things, experiences, trips, jobs, heck even fun

TJ1979 · April 2013

Ugh! I hate one uppers! Especially when it's about fake drama. That would drive me crazy.

Dragonfly1226 · April 2013

I will never understand why some people feel the need to compete in the Pain Olympics like that. When I was pregnant with DS he had the white spot on his heart. It really is no big deal 99.99% of the time. For her to compare that to having a baby with IUG

BabyKsMommy · April 2013

I had a friend who is a one upper and we aren't friends anymore. We had been friends for over 15 years and honestly my life is better without her. I have much better friends that I like more. So I say try to cut her out nicely like pp suggested.

mnj05 · April 2013

I don't a friend like this but my MIL is. My entire pregnancy and since the csection it's "when I was pregnant this was wrong" "by my third csection I had to be moving and lifting the first week because I had two toddlers" "you're lucky H isn't colicky BI

Saraevh · April 2013

Mrs.AmyDylan:
3) ditch her. B

ELF4321 · April 2013

TJ1979:
Ugh! I hate one uppers! Especially when it's about fake drama. That would drive me crazy.

Thi

amd1982 · April 2013

Pain olives! Exactly! Haha. Thanks ladies. I appreciate the advice and support. Don't think I'll be able to cut her out completely but I don't truly want to. It's like we all said just very annoying. Since her dh my dh's good friend I'm sort of obligated

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just annoyed with a friend...sorry long

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