People just don't understand. (Whine, vent, sorry!)

Bluebird2318 · April 2013

Ladies, I apologize in advance for the gloominess of this post, but I've got so much else going on in my life at the moment that I really need to vent a little bit or I'll go crazy.

Basically, it's just that... I feel like my husband and my mom are two of the people that I can usually count on to sympathize with me about things, or at least be a shoulder to cry on. But this time, the most I got out of both of them was "I'm sorry you feel this way, but I just don't see why it's a problem." I tried explaining to them that even though DD is perfectly fine and healthy, I still feel like I've lost something.

I know that many people have the complete opposite experience, but in my case I can't remember the last time I felt as happily, blissfully at peace as I did when I was pregnant with my daughter. Honestly, I don't know that I'd ever felt that kind of serenity in my adult life prior to that. It felt like every small thing I did had a purpose, had potential. I really don't know how to explain it better than that. And when I had my daughter at 29 weeks, I had no time to mentally prepare for having that taken away from me. All of a sudden, my pregnancy (which had been this perfect, peaceful thing) was taken away from me and replaced with a traumatic birth experience. It was a loss on both ends.

For the most part, I've been able to adjust and make peace with the fact that it happened... But knowing that DD is most likely my only child (husband doesn't want a second; he mentioned the potential of still having a second shortly after DD was born, but that has since changed to him planning to have a vasectomy when she turns 1), it makes it hard to completely move on. I always felt like if I was going to have children, I would want 2 or 3. So not only do I have to deal with the fact that I won't have the family size I had pictured for myself, but the one child I do have came into the world in a way that was scary and traumatic rather than joyful. I feel like a whole life experience got stolen from me.

The only thing husband/mom can say is that I should be happy that DD is healthy and not worry about the rest. And I AM happy; I AM grateful. I love being a mom. I just don't get why that means I can't feel sadness too, why I can't be absolutely thrilled for my friends who are having the birth/family experiences that I wanted and yet jealous at the same time and have that just be OKAY. (My mom looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain that one to her.)

I'm really sorry for bringing the negativity ladies, I just have a lot going on right now (apart from this whole mess) and it's hard to deal with this on top of everything else. It's just cathartic to be able to "talk" to people who might actually understand where I'm coming from.

rcohron · April 2013

I know exactly how you feel. I didn't quite have the peace that you had with your pregnancy. Our lives have always been hectic... But the pregnancy was easy, no complications until my water broke and my little man was born at 27 weeks.&n

PhillyGal34 · April 2013

I could have written your post 7 months ago. We have to simultaneously celebrate the birth of our child and mourn the loss of our third trimester. People do not get that and you can't try to get them to understand. They won't in my experience. I too h

cottingham3 · April 2013

I too know how you feel. I don't think anyone not in your shoes can really sympathize.

This was my third and most long awaited preganacy...almost seven years. We were all so excited about this baby. I have very high expectations for my pregn

Bluebird2318 · April 2013

OMG, I just typed out a response and DD goes nuts on the keyboard and hits the back button... Silly girl. I think she wants to Bump too.

Anyway, what I was trying to say was: thank you so much ladies for sharing your stories with me,

Cst2CstBride · April 2013

I'm so sorry that this is still so hard for you and that you don't feel like you have anyone who understands. I think the other ladies have covered the bases and really only a preemie mom can understand. "They" say that a man becomes a fath

MrsRKJ · April 2013

I am so sorry you feel this way, and I feel that I can relate in a way too.

I had a great pregnancy, no complications until my water broke at 33 weeks. DS is still in the NICU with a heart defect (will get fixed with surgery soon) an

Shmidtzy · April 2013

I am amazed. I had a similar experience, but not as early...

I accepted everything i was faced with. What choice do you have? It wasn't until later on that i experienced the sense of loss everyone is describing. I thought i was being silly a

santjust · April 2013

I know I'm super late but I just wanted to share with you ladies. I only posted once when my son was born at 33weeks 4 days. Today a nurse friend of mine came to visit my LO for the first. She was staying away because of where she works and the aggressive

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People just don't understand. (Whine, vent, sorry!)

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