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Re-Introduction & Question

HoolyGoHoolyGo member
in Blended Families

Hello:

I used to be an active poster on the nest, and posted on this board a while ago while my now FI and I were just dating.

FI and I are getting married this month. We are both divorced, I have no children, and he has a daughter who is almost 4. We are also 18 weeks pregnant.

We have not told his daughter about the pregnancy yet (we plan to tell her around 20 weeks). We also haven't told BM about the pregnancy or getting married. 

My question is, what is the best way to tell BM about the pregnancy and marriage? FI has a cordial relationship with BM, and they co-parent relatively well together. However, BM can be a little unpredictable and sometimes displays conflicting feelings in how she reacts to news. I asked on another blended family board, and I got a lot of responses from SM saying that they just told the kids and let the news get back to BM that way, but it seems to me that there has to be a better way. FI mostly communicates with BM through text messages, they rarely talk on the phone unless absolutely necessary, and pickup/drop off time goes very quickly with only brief exchanges of information. 

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Re: Re-Introduction & Question

  • cole2144cole2144 member
    We told SD about the baby first and then emailed BM before SD went back there so she had a heads up in case SD wanted to talk about it.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    I would have never thought to tell BM about this baby if it wasn't for the way she reacted to us getting married. She was upset that she had to hear it from anyone other than DH. In her case she said she didn't like that she heard we were getting married

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    F you think she will have an emotional reaction to the news, I would have him text her during his parenting ime so she can process the news alone wihout any worry of saying something stupid in front of their child.

    * If 

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    imagecole2144:
    We told SD about the baby first and then emailed BM before SD went back there so she had a heads up in case SD wanted to
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I am opposed to communicating big news via text. I think it's the coward's way out of dealing with people one on one. 

    In my opinion, your FI should have a private conversation and just tell her in person, one on one. FACE to FACE.  If

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • awesomenus1341awesomenus1341 member
    If their relationship is a good one, I would have DH tell BM as PP's suggested, an adult conversation just to inform her. We didn't tell BM about our wedding. She saw the ring and was aware that we were planning it, but things were still pretty shaky at t
    fbls


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