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Vent: I'm so frustrated with my MIL

jfenyesjfenyes member
in 3rd Trimester
My last day of work is tomorrow...I'm going to be at home with Andrea again.  My MIL has known this for the last several weeks.  Since I've been working, she has been coming over at 6:45 every morning until our babysitter gets to our house to pick up DD.  So this morning she was telling me that she is still planning on coming over every morning so she can see DD.  I told her that we've really appreciated her help with DD, but it's time for me to be home again.  And with DH's new schedule, we are going to have a lot more time to spend together as a family.  But she is INSISTING on coming over every morning that way I can sleep in.  I tried explaining to her that DD only wakes up early the mornings she is there because MIL wakes her up.  When I don't work, DD will sleep until 8, so there's no need for her to come over anymore.  I told her that we will still come by and see her at work and visit.  But she says she's going to miss her too much and still wants to come over.  I'm so frustrated and annoyed that she's not respecting what I'm telling  her.  I'm really grateful for all the help she's provided, but she knew going into this that I wasn't going to be going back to work forever, just until DH was through with the academy.  So now it's time for DH to step in...if she won't listen to me, he's going to have to get her to understand.  Sorry it's kind of long..I'm just really annoyed and needed to get it off my chest.
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Re: Vent: I'm so frustrated with my MIL

  • everloveeverlove
    How annoying.  Sometimes its great to have family nearby--and other times its just plain annoying.  You are in a hard place because you don't want to seem ungreatful but then again you have a schedule you want to establish!
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  • MommyGirl430MommyGirl430

    Seems like she can't/won't take the hint.

    Sorry MIL can be a pain in the arse

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  • jamie4dukejamie4duke member
    Maybe your DH can talk to her?  If that doesn't work, I would lock the doors lol.  It would drive me nuts having my mom or MIL coming over every morning when I was home. 
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  • SunndraggonSunndraggon member
    This is not a flame, and i hate to use the tired old "grass is greener" line, and I totally understand your frustration with MIL being so disrespectful of you and your wishes. However, I would give anything for MIL to even show the slightest interest in Carson. She never asks DH about me or the baby, and has yet to even mention coming to see her when she is born. She is too busy cooing over BIL and his family, or being negative about anything and everything regarding this pg. I guess you have too much and i have too little....MILS suck sometimes!
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  • susiederkinssusiederkins
    She's done you a pretty big favor. It's a little cold to just cut her off because you don't need her anymore. A little give, maybe one or two mornings a week, would be a nice gesture on you part.
    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    First, good that your DH is going to step in and help w/ this.

    But beyond that- as she's done you such a huge favor, is there room for compromise?  LIke one day a week, she comes for a chunk of time to see your DD?  If you give her something in place of the daily morning visit, it might appease her.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • jfenyesjfenyes member
    Sunndraggon-Sorry that you have it the other way around.  I'm sure that is really difficult as well!!  I didn't want to sound like I haven't appreciated her or anything, it's just hard when she's constantly breathing down our necks about how much they see DD.  Boundaries are hard.  I'm sorry again about your situation...I hope it gets better for you guys!
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  • megs042107megs042107

    lovely. ?even if she has a key, keep the door locked, sleep in and let DD sleep in. ?she'll look like an ass if she wakes you all up. ?tell her that she's more than welcome to see DD when DD is awake, or you'll bring her over for lunch or something like that. ?

    but yes, H should call and have a friendly chat.?

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  • mrskadamsmrskadams
    I don't think it's cold.  I don't think you need to let her come over at 6:45 at all.  Yes, she's done you a huge favor, but you and your daughter will be SLEEPING.  There is no reason for your MIL to wake her up once you are at home.  Perhaps she could come over a couple of time per week at a more convenient time.  I guess she has a key to your house, and that is why she can just walk in?  Otherwise, don't answer the door.  Tell her you were sleeping, showering, feeding the baby, etc., and couldn't get to the door.  If you're unable to have some sort of compromise, then DH should absolutely step in.
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  • QuazelQuazel member
    I agree there is room for compromise.  Set up some DD/MIL dates.  Give your MIL boundaries, as in let's schedule a few times a week you can see DD between the hours of 8:00am and ???.  Maybe twice a week she can come over in the afternoon and have DD all to herself while you sleep, run errands, whatever and once a week you guys meet her for lunch.  It is a little ridiculous that she isn't respecting your wishes but I really think you can work something out so everyone is happy.  It is terrific that she wants to be involved and is willing to help.
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  • aldynaldyn

    Why don't MILs ever ASK?  Why do they always INSIST?  I feel your pain.  I also think the prior suggestions of compromise are good ones.  It's a really great thing that there are lots of people in your daughter's life that love her.  Your MIL is obviously attached to your daughter, so going cold turkey might be a bit tough.  Finding one or two days/wk might be good or suggesting when she could come over so you could do errands would also be good.  Grocery stores are open early in the morning, maybe use those as opportunities to do shopping, etc. without distraction.

    Good luck!

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  • jfenyesjfenyes member
    Thanks ladies for all of your suggestions!!  I just hope that I can find a compromise with her...usually it's all or nothing.  Thanks again!
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  • LuLu38LuLu38

    imagesusiederkins:
    She's done you a pretty big favor. It's a little cold to just cut her off because you don't need her anymore. A little give, maybe one or two mornings a week, would be a nice gesture on you part.

    I disagree.  And, "cold" is a strong word.  I think it is wonderful that MIL stepped in and helped.  But, all things end.  And, mom is now going to be home.  I doubt the agreement was for MIL to babysit therefore deeming the mother "in debt" for a period of time.  And, I don't hear mom saying she is cutting off all contact with MIL.  So, on a weekly basis, yes, it would be neat to arrange for visits.  But not a scheduled 6:45AM weekly visit!!!  Yikes.

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