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New on this board....need to vent, something....very long, warning

Michele707Michele707 member
in Blended Families

So I have not posted on this board before.  Background:  I have 2 SKs, ages 11 and 14.  I am due in 28 days.  My husband is a medical resident (had kids at 18 and 21, stayed together for sake of kids until about 3 years ago).  It isn't feasible for him to have custody at this point in time with his schedule and such.  So when he left his ex she was granted custody.  She tries to do everything she can to hurt us.  But I was always assured she was a great mom.  When DH asked my parents for my hand in marriage he talked with them about any concerns they had.  He point blank said the kids were better off with his ex, he loved them, he and ex did not get along, but she was a GREAT mom.

Ok over the past year and a half:  his son got busted for smoking pot on school grounds at 13, his son stole mom's diamond ring to give to a GF, his son stole $$ from another kid o a "dare",  and got bad grades.  At my urging I told DH the grades were unacceptable, he in turn encouraged son and he's pulled them up.  Daughter broke the kindle and ipod dad gave her,  he replaced ipod.  Then she took one of my childhood dolls I told her she could  keep at our place (they live in Colorado) only to lose it.  I gave her a Pandora bracelet for a wedding gift and she lost it.  I try to convey to DH this is irresponsible behavior that he rewards and doesn't admonish and I'm the bad guy.

The thing that has bothered me the most is the video they showed us of son holding a toy gun to their dog; the dog was wimpering and trying to get away and they kept on doing it.  They thought it was funny.  I told DH they need to delete it and he needed to talk to them about it.  He asked daughter to delete it and he never spoke with son about it.

Well now all of a sudden mom is evil and they want to come live with us......next year DH is going to try for custody.  They are going to be in the household and I need to figure out how to blend this.  And I feel betrayed slightly when this comes up at 8.5 months pregnant and before mom was awesome.  And now I am going to be expected to take all this on, yet be the bad guy if I want a little discipline.  I know when you marry a man with kids the possibility always exists that kids will come live with you.  But he always said that he was happy to love them and parent them long distance.......

Just needed to vent, get this out....something Sad

 

 

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Re: New on this board....need to vent, something....very long, warning

  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    imageMichele707:

    So I have not posted on this board before.  Background:  I have 2 SKs, ages 11 and 14.  I am due in

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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    You always have to be ready for their kids. Hopefully when they are living with you they will follow your rules and become adjusted to their new life more quickly.

    It will take time and and lots of structure, love, and, and consistency. <br
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    There are a lot of red flags in your post. A lot.

    I understand you're just venting and not specifically asking for advice, but I suspect you're going to get some anyway.

    Some of the behaviors you describe are normal kid behaviors. Some are

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  • bratty44bratty44
    If the kids come to live with you, you and your DH need to sit down beforehand and set up a list of rules the kids will need to follow. Discuss agreed upon discipline if they are not followed, and how you both will handle certain issues should they happen
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    1. If that is how involved a parent he is with his oldest that is the kind of parent he will be with additional children. Get on the same page about roles in the family and discipline now.

    2. BM isn't the only parent of these children. By not p

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Growing up my dad was always the stricter parent.  We always got the 'wait until our father gets home' warning.

    When my parents divorced my mom could not keep control of my brother, he had years experience of manipulating her.

    Eventual

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    I don't see how he would get custody of the kids.  If he barely sees them and chose to live in another state. 

    And I find it extremely troubling that you feel like you need to tell your H to encourage his own kids to get good grades.&n

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  • Her-MajestyHer-Majesty

    This guy sounds like a complete Dbag and half-?ss Dad . . .Good Luck.

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  • bebe11bebe11 member

    I am assuming the kids are saying their Mom is evil and that is why they want to ccome live with you?  How does BM feel about this?  Is it just that she is cracking down on their behavior and the kids don't like it, and think if they run to D

     

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I'm having horrible flashbacks. Seriously, your husband sounds a lot like my now ex in how he handled his children. Your SD and SS sounds alot  like my XSD and XSS.  Seriously.

    You have a child to think of.  I say you tell your DH

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • valleavallea member
    I say have a stern talking with your DH state your grounds but be prepared tht he will want to take their sides.
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