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Military Families
Amy Lee 0407
member
Newborn and being alone
Amy Lee 0407
member
Hi! I have a two week old and my husband just went back to work recruiter for the Navy and he's gone 1012 hours of the day. Now before baby this wasn't that hard to deal with now it's very hard... Being alone. We don't know many people where we are and family is not close by. I eat every meal alone and feeling pretty, well, alone and sad most of the time. Anyone else been in this situation or know ways to cope with it? Thanks!
Amy Lee
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Newborn and being alone
Honestly your situation is the same as almost all SAHMs and not exclusive to military, so any advice for SAHMs would apply to you. I know the baby is very young, but you can find play groups in your area which would be more for the moms to get out at this point. Get out of the house and go for walks and to parks and things.
My H was a recruiter for the Navy a few years ago and yes the hours can suck, but they are home every night. I don't understand why you are eating dinner alone though most nights if it's something you hate so much. I would eat a snack or late lunch and wait for him to get home to eat dinner together.
I agree with Beachy here.
Any thing in life is what you make it to be. If you are lonely, you need to be proactive and do something about it. Search FB groups in your area. Find a mom group in your area. Meet up with other moms. Like Beachy said, eat a late snack and wait until your husband comes home to have dinner.
Also, as a person who has struggled with depression in the past, if you haven't pulled your self out of this sadness in a couple weeks, you may want to talk to your doctor about PPD. Be proactive. Don't wait until it is eating you alive.
My DH was deployed when my DS was itty-bitty, so I understand being on your own with an infant. Since you don't know many people where you live, it is up to you to get out, get involved in something and be as busy as you'd like to be.
I found it a good rule of thumb to get out of the house every day, even if it was a quick run to the grocery store or to wander the mall.
MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is a great program that can be found in most communities. Most MOPS groups meet twice a week but run on the school calendar, meaning they don't formally meet in the summer--but sometimes they hold less official summer play dates. It would be good to try it now, before they break for summer.
Some libraries offer story time for infants (often called lapsit). If they don't offer anything specifically for infants, perhaps you can still attend as its a good environment for both of you.
Check out the local Y to see if they have mommy and me type programs, or to see if they have child care so you can work out while your LO is cared for in the nursery.
Snce your DH is recruiting, I'm assuming that you are not near a Navy base. Are you near a base of any branch?
i know that the days can seem long and getting out of the house can be challenging, but, IMO, you and baby will both be happier if you get out and try out different activities.
Good luck!
The first few weeks are really hard.
When DS was born (unplanned c-section, extended hospital stay, and BF issues, too), we were in the middle of moving out of our house before he deployed, so he'd go to work, come home, pack boxes, and then take them to our storage unit. I think the only reason we ate real meals for dinner was because people from church brought food. I don't think we ate together either. I went to Target quite a bit just for something to do.
I know it's hard to get out now, but I really encourage you to try to find a group of some sort to connect with. Can your lactation consultant recommend a BFing support group in your area? That might be an easy place to start, and you'd already have something in common with the other ladies in the group.
Also, would it be possible for a friend or family member to come stay with you for a week or so?
I think that militaryonesource.com has some resources for counseling. Maybe check out their site? Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.
Check into local lactation support groups. There was one at the hospital where I delivered and I think LLL has some as well. Just being able to talk to another adult during the day (and get BF help at the same time) was a huge mood booster for me.
Ditto library story time. Our last duty station and this current one has multiple storytimes for infants up through older kids. Check out Barnes & Noble too if you have one locally. They're story time has a mix of ages and while your LO is too young to participate, obviously, you'll at least get some sympathetic smiles from the other parents.
Music classes also normally offer for newborn and up. Music Together and Kindermusik are national chains. We started a local music class when my LO was 10 months old, but I think we could have started as soon as 6 weeks old.
I second this. We just relocated to another state last Oct. and I have no friends or family here, Dh does though. DH works long hours and sometimes the weekends too so I know how you feel about being lonely. I go to LLL meetings and baby time at the Library to meet other mom's and it really does help me not feel so alone. I am always researching new activities going on through the week just so I can get out of the house.
I know your LO is still really young and everything is overwhelming so just take it 1 day at a time.
You're a new mom. It could just be the baby blues. Ifyou don't start feeling better, call your OB to discuss PPD.
You're going through the adjustment phase right now. Things should get better. I think your expectations need to change. This is how it was before. That's not going to change now. This is how it is for civilians many times as well. Try to find a mom's group, or take up a baby friendly hobby. Don't dwell on the loneliness. Give yourself time to adjust. If you don't feel "right", call your doctor ASAP.
Good luck and hang in there. And congrats on the new baby.
My husband got home from a deployment right before our first was born. He did have a lot to do when he got home (and at the same time our daughter was born) with checking into a new unit, working on some house projects, and stuff like that. I felt like the whole first month was a blur. I was intimidated to go out with a newborn. At 2ish weeks we ventured out to IHOP, which was a big deal for me, and it was completely fine. The baby slept the whole time, and I didn't have to feed her while we were out.
It started to get easier after that. We'd go to church. It was summer and nice out, so we could start getting outside hang out with neighbors who are also SAHMs and to go for walks. After a month, things started getting a lot easier and more routine. BF'ing was easier by far, and sleep was improving. I sometimes volunteer to mow the lawn (which my husband usually does) so I would get a quick baby break, and he could get more time with her. Anyway, my advice is that once you get past that first month, you will be a lot more confident in caring for your baby and in going out and doing things. With my first I was terrified to BF in public, so I was tied down to a radius and time limit from my house. I got over that for sure with my second child. Start getting out more and more as you are ready, and connect with other moms. Are you a SAHM, or are you going back to work?
i had a very similar situation when DD was born 4 months ago. for the first two months of her life i was alone day and night 6 days a week. DH had to be on watch 24 hrs a day 6 days a week, it just about killed me. newborns, while they are worth it, are not easy. i know that the exhaustion started to get to me after a while and i ended up taking it out on him, which i shouldnt have done. i resented him for leaving me and it took me a while to get over it. i had a tremendous amount of issues BFing and ended up EPing instead and i still do. SAHMs have a tough job and it takes getting use to. but it does get easier, after you realy get the hang of it. i understand how it is difficult to get out, especially when youre trying to BF and find the time to keep up your house let alone find time to sleep, but once you feel like you have the spare energy, go for a walk or a drive. it will get more difficult to take your LO out after a few months because they wont sleep all day haha. i always liked to go for a drive because it meant that i wouldnt have to actually get dressed up or put makup on, i didnt have time for that.
but, good luck, i know how you feel. but try to really talk to your DH and make sure he knows how you feel. communication is key, i learned the hard way.