Community› The Bump Message Boards› Infertility Veterans
Infertility Veterans
New Discussion

I'm infertile-y depressed....

kflynn81kflynn81 member
in Infertility Veterans

Yes, I made up a word but I have a B.A. in English and I can do that :)

I feel so blah lately when it comes to all things infertility. For example, I went to a wake tonight for my BFF's uncle. BFF's  sister suffered with IF many, many years and finally just had a baby a few months ago so I have always talked to her about IF. Tonight., she asked me how things are going and I just said "Meh, I dont want to talk about it". As the words were coming out of my mouth , I was like, wtf....I ALWAYS want to talk about it. Its like I have no energy to even form the words to tell people where I'm at.  I'm finding it even difficult to post here or on other support groups I belong to, which I love!!!!.....Urgh.

Weird. Huh?

Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
  • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
  • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
  • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
  • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
  • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

        Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                  

                                                                          Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


              Anniversary





Report Reply to Post

Re: I'm infertile-y depressed....

  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    Not weird at all. I feel the same way. I can't even talk about it anymore since my story is now over and not a happy one. I have no energy left for it and can't really cheer on others since I feel so sad.  I love your new word BTW.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • violetmarie61516violetmarie61516 member

    Thank you for the giggle of your made up word.  I love it!

    I totally understand how you feel about feeling blah.  I feel the same way sometimes.  I did take a break from TB for about 2 months and it was a good refresher.  When

    TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
    Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
    DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements
    Sept '11-April '13 ~  Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
    January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
    February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! 
    March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
    July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
    Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
    New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
    January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
    April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
    DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
    July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
    7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
    7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
    7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers


    Report Reply
  • megs3084megs3084 member
    What you need is an evening w Adam Levine!
    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection
    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
    Report Reply
  • brooklynesquebrooklynesque member

    I know what you mean.  I definitely go through periods of being mentally exhausted and basically being sick of myself and everything else as I deal with IF.  I hope you feel better soon.  Sometimes a mental break from everything is good.

    Report Reply
  • BrideJackie11BrideJackie11 member
    I am sorry that you have been feeling so blah lately.  There are times when it's good to take a break from everything infertility, even just short ones.   Kflynn, I want you to know that you are a huge support for so many people on here.&nb

    <Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Married June 2011 Dx: anovulatory due to prolactinoma (1.5cmx 1.5cm in 2006)
    April 2012: MRI- questionable cyst 8mg by 12mm in pituitary ; referred to RE by Ob-gyn after amenorrhea x 4+ months, provera ineffective, low estrogen level
    cycle 1: May 2012, clomid 50mg; cycle cancelled, thin lining, no response
    cycle 2: June 2012, femara 5mg; cycle cancelled, no response
    cycle 3: July 2012, femara 7.5mg; cycle cancelled (largest folli on Cd12 & cd 16: 11, lining 4)
    Repeat MRI July 25,2012- Cyst unchanged, likely old infarction.
    Aug. 8: met with RE, move to injectables if HSG and SA normal
    Aug. 23: HSG all clear; DH- perfect
    Switched to a new RE in early Sept. IVF here we come
    Genetic testing reveals: Fragile X- Intermediate risk/grey zone.
    IVF#1: ER 11/30: 14 retrieved, 10 mature, 7 fertilized. E2 prior to trigger 5200. Decision made to freeze 6 embryos and transfer later due to OHSS.
    IVF#1.2/FET #1: estrogen injects start 1/18, FET delayed to try to thicken lining. lining 5.4mm. FET- 2/18- transferred one 3AA expanded blast. BFP 5dp5dt. Beta #1- 2/27 9dp5dt- 102.27 beta #2 3/1: 147 :(, beta #3 3/4: 268 told to stop meds and let nature take its course. requested 4th beta (3/6); Beta hell for 2 months.

    FET # 2: endometrial scratch 5/6, added estrace vaginally and ASA to delestrogen and PIO. June 10- transferred one 4AA hatched embryo, BFP 4dp6dt, Beta 1 (9dp6dt) 187, Beta 2 (11dp6dt): 412; Beta 3 (15dp6dt ): 4452. U/S #1- one beautiful embryo with a heartbeat of 133 at 7 weeks.  8 weeks: heartbeat 156. EDD 2/26/2014: born 2-3-14 induced due to Pre-E and HELLP at 36w5d.

    12/1: met with RE to discuss trying for #2


    Report Reply
  • lincoln79lincoln79 member

    I think its completely normal to cycle through wanting to think of nothing else to never wanting to hear words like stims, transfer, etc...ever again.

    this craziness is completely draining in so many ways! 

    do what you feel you need to

    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d, 
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










    Report Reply
  • liz4pawsliz4paws member
    Aww, I am so incredibly sorry. I know exactly what you're talking about and its awful. It's like you want to crawl out of your skin because nothing you do or say or anywhere you go makes it better. I am so sorry and do whatever you need to in order to try

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
     Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
     Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
     DH: Severe MFI

     12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
    My ovaries are just for decoration

     12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
     2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
     2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
     3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!      
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
     9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
     11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
     My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
      
        image      image 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"