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October 2012 Moms
Ken&Anna
member
Update: Jumping on the Sleep Train
Ken&Anna
member
Warning: this post is probably going to be very long...
We've now done 3 nights of Sleep Training and I would say that so far we have been successful, but I'm not going to start tooting my horn quite yet since I want to wait and see if things stick.
First I want to give a little background: up until about 2 weeks ago I was very against doing any sort of cry-it-out sleep training. It sounds like cruel and unusual punishment, it goes against everything I've ever thought about my job as a mother and it just seems like it goes against every natural instinct. There's a very good reason for that too--mothers are supposed to respond to their baby's cries. I read about all the "no cry" solutions and the "gentle sleep training" methods that are out there, and I read a little bit of the Weissbluth book ("Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"). Basically all the methods seem to have the same general themes--(1) make sure you put the baby to sleep at the first signs of tiredness, don't wait until they're over-tired; (2) Have a consistent bed-time routine that you do every night at the same time; (3) Be consistent with whatever method you choose, or the baby will be confused and will not know what to expect.
So what changed? Up until Julia was about 4.5-5 months old, we were still swaddling her. I would nurse her to sleep (which I enjoyed), then we could put her in the crib asleep and she would sleep a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep, eat, and then go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. That was working great and I loved being able to nurse her to sleep!
But then something changed... first, she didn't like to be swaddled anymore but she couldn't sleep unswaddled so we tried switching her to the Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit, which helped a little bit. She would nurse to sleep, I would put her in the crib and she would wake up 5 minutes later. DH would go in and try to comfort her--he'd try the pacifier, he'd try rocking her, bouncing with her, singing to her, everything. She didn't want any of it and would scream. She wanted to nurse to sleep again and again and again. Some nights it was taking 2+ hours to finally get her to sleep and to a point where I could put her down and she would stay asleep. Then she would only sleep 2-3 hours and then she'd be up every 1.5-2 hours after that. Eventually, around 1 or 2 in the morning I would give up and would just bring her to bed with me and we would co-sleep the rest of the night and she would pretty much nurse constantly. She wasn't really eating, just using me as a pacifier/comfort sucking. Sometimes I would try to unlatch her and sneak a pacifier in her mouth but she would usually wake up and be very upset. And the problem was that I wasn't really sleeping while she was nursing all night, and DH wasn't really sleeping because he kept waking up to check on us and to make sure he wasn't going to roll over onto her or anything.
DH and I were both getting to a point that we were feeling really sleep deprived and like things just weren't working anymore. I would get frustrated by having to nurse her to sleep for 2 hours every night, he would get frustrated by not being able to soothe her or comfort her, she wasn't getting nearly enough sleep and would wake up tired every morning... it just wasn't working. I wish that co-sleeping were working for us because I loved the snuggles, but nobody was getting enough sleep that way.
So Friday I talked to our pediatrician and got her take on things and then we talked to a bunch of friends we know who have kids. These kids are all well-adjusted and they have great relationships with their parents. We've seen them in action and these are definitely parents who we feel we want to emulate in a lot of ways. All of these friends recommended essentially the same kinds of techniques for teaching our baby to go to sleep on her own, and they all suggested some form of CIO. Our goal was not necessarily for her to Sleep Through the Night but to go to sleep more easily, to sleep longer stretches, and to be able to put herself back to sleep if she wakes up and isn't hungry (even though the Dr. said that she doesn't NEED to eat at night as long as she's getting in enough milk and solids during the day, I'm still okay with nursing her if she's hungry, partially cause I want to keep up my supply and partially cause I do think she's legitimately hungry at least once in the middle of the night since I'm EBF).
Night 1: So Friday night we decided to get started... we did our new bedtime routine (play, go upstairs to put on pajamas, read a story, turn on lullabies CD, then nurse until drowsy), and then put Julia in the crib. We said "I love you. Mommy and Daddy are here. It's time to go to sleep now" and we kissed her on the forehead. Then we left the room. She immediately started crying. (I should add that listening to her cry was gut-wrenching. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, stomped on and put back in. I felt horrible and was constantly questioning our decision.) We brought the video monitor with us and went downstairs. We had decided that based on her reaction to us going to soothe her in the night, that she would get more worked up if we went in too frequently, so we decided that 30 minutes was our limit. We set the timer on my phone for 30 minutes and we watched her on the monitor to see what would happen. At about 22 minutes, she started to calm down and her eyes started to close and open, close and open, as though she was getting very sleepy, then at 25 minutes, she fell asleep! That first night she slept for 3 hours, woke up and cried for about 20 minutes (we set our alarm to go in after 30 minutes if necessary but she went back to sleep on her own), slept for an hour and a half, woke up and cried for about 15 minutes, then slept for 4 hours. She then woke up for the day at about 6:45.
Night 2: Saturday night I was home by myself, which gave me a lot of anxiety... since I had heard that often the second night is worse than the first night and for us that did prove to be true. I did the same routine as the first night, nursed her till she was drowsy, put her in the crib and she started crying. She seemed much more upset than the first night so I went up every 20 minutes, made sure she had her lovey and her pacifier, rubbed her belly for a bit, told her I love her and that it was time to go to sleep. (I was in tears almost the whole time listening to her cry and I almost gave up at one point and went in to nurse her. It felt awful and the whole time I was questioning myself and whether this was the right thing to do.) She cried a total of 1 hour and 5 minutes, then fell asleep. She slept for 4 hours, woke up and fussed (didn't really cry) for about 20 minutes, then went back to sleep for an hour and a half. After that she woke up and she cried for maybe 10 minutes, then was just kind of stirring and fussing a little bit for about 45 minutes. On the monitor I could tell that she desperately needed a diaper change and she was chewing on her hands a lot, so I went in, changed her diaper and nursed her for about 15 minutes, then put her back in the crib drowsy. She fell asleep after about 2 minutes of fussing and slept for 4 more hours.
Night 3: Again, we followed the same routine. She cried for about 5 minutes and then we could see on the monitor that she calmed down, found her lovey, started to get drowsy and ultimately fell asleep. And she slept for 11 hours and 20 minutes! She woke up once and fussed/stirred for about 15-20 minutes, but then put herself back to sleep.
This morning we actually had to go in and wake her up since I wanted to make sure she could nurse before I had to leave to take her to daycare and go to work. When we woke her up she was smiley and happy to see us but it seemed like she probably could have slept a little longer if I didn't have to leave.
I'm optimistic but want to wait and see if this success continues! I'll definitely keep you all updated as the week goes on!
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Re: Update: Jumping on the Sleep Train
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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Thanks for sharing! Our story sounds similar to yours -- for the past eight weeks up every one to two hours, needing to comfort suck, co-sleeping but no one getting good sleep. We picked this weekend to try sleep training as well using Ferber method. (
Married my best friend 09.18.11
TTC since 12.10.11, BFP #1 02.10.12
Baby E born 10/18/12. 8.5lbs and 21in of pure perfection!
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OP, you are a great mom and congrats the progress you have made with your lo and her sleeping. I know dh and I need to make a plan to get dd out of her swaddle and rnp so all information and experience is helpful.
I think I'll have a glass of wi
DD: 10/23/2012
#teamzoey #defeatdipg #pumpkinpatch2012
Shame on you AE. There was no need for that, our group is private for a reason!
Welcome and thanks for sharing your experience.
We did Ferber method a few weeks ago and it's been working great for us. I wasn't against CIO, but I agree it was gut-wrenching to hear your baby cry. Like you, our 2nd night was worse t
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c.
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23 EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~
Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
I would, except I'm too busy