Houseguests After Baby Advice

BlessUrHeart29 · March 2013

Hello! I am expecting my first child in mid-October, which will be the first grandchild in both my family and my husband's family. Oh, Lord... help us! haha! Really, though, everyone is very excited and I'm thankful for that. I'm just looking for some advice on how to possibly manage some of that excitement after the baby is born.

We currently live a solid 12-14 hours away from both of our parents, so people will need to come visit to see the baby. I would like my parents to come down soon after the baby is born because I feel comfortable with them and I know they will be helpful. I am trying to figure out when to ask my MIL to come down. Judging from her initial reaction to the news, she will come down whenever she darn well pleases, thank you very much. She isn't someone that I (or DH) are particularly close with, she tends to be a steamroller, and I have no idea how helpful she will be to have around. So I would really like to wait a few weeks before having her down. Honestly, in my ideal mental picture, she'd wait until Thanksgiving, because my husband would have some more time off from work and I would, hopefully, be past the worst part of recovery. But I acknowledge that is a long time to ask her to wait, so I'm willing to compromise.

Realistically, what is a good amount of time to ask (read: tell her strongly but lovingly...) to wait before coming to visit? Can we ask her to stay at a hotel if she wants to come down earlier?

Also, I'm very fortunate in that my husband will absolutely support whatever I am most comfortable with, and he is the one who will be having the conversations with her. But I want to make sure I'm being considerate of everyone in the situation and not just being a jerk because I didn't appreciate her initial, bossy attitude.

abirdd9 · March 2013

You can request anything you wish of her. She will be the guest and needs to be invited to your home. I think your H should make it abundantly clear to her your expectations and make it known that she is not welcome to just show up whenever sh

ASmallWonder · March 2013

IMO, it's fine to ask her to stay in a hotel but I think it's unfair (unless she has truly done something to you/DH) to not allow her to see her first grandbaby right away. It's so special and just not being close isn't the same as having a real,

Angel5218 · March 2013

I had my son a week before Christmas and we did a lot of visiting family during that time, and honestly I would not do it again. I think 2-3wks is a good time to wait until you start having extended visits with family. People forget how hard it is that fi

PrimRoseMama · March 2013

Ask your husband to ask your MIL to give you some time. Your MIL is not free to barge in whenever she pleases. She needs to be respectful of your space and your family. Your husband needs to say something.

I would ask for at least 2 weeks. If sh

couliegirl · March 2013

Are you ok with people coming to see you at the hospital? If so, maybe you should let her know that it would be best for her to come and visit you in the hospital because you're hoping to have your house off limits to visitors in the first few weeks as

KFED103 · March 2013

I agree with the whole your family/your way...but just playing devils advocate here...maybe her initial bossy attitude about seeing the baby is in response to possibly being jealous of the fact that she knows your parents will see the baby first and mo

BlessUrHeart29 · March 2013

Thanks for the advice, everyone. You all brought up really good points. Truly, I have no idea what to expect from her visit, which could be fine. As much as I just want to avoid being uncomfortable around her, I do want to be considerate of the fact that

rmtafoya · March 2013

you should sit down and talk to your husband about the situation and if you agree that she needs to wait to come down, then he should be the one to talk to her - its his mother. its totally acceptable to want alone time/space to breathe after the baby

CousinVicki · March 2013

you can't steamroll her back and not have her come visit when your parents are allowed to! this is just being weirdly controlling on your part.... every grandparent wants to see their grandchild ASAP, not 'a few weeks in'

3Dewdrops · April 2013

I had my parents down a few days after...and regretted it. They also were from out of town and stayed with us. It had a lot to do with my personality and my dad's personality though. My mom was an angel. She grocery shopped, cle

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