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lookame3639
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a lot of issues
lookame3639
member
First DS was diagnosed with opositional defiance disorder. Some symptoms include volent temper tantrums, defiance, anger ect. My fiance and I started a class to help refine our parenting styles to make disipline more effective and it seems to be working and DS seems to be happier. However weve instituted something called special time which is 15 minutes devoted individually to DS and during this 15 minutes DS has been expressing more and more anger towards ex. He says things like "they always put me down, I can never do anything right" and "its mine and your fault they are broke since he has to pay for rides to pick me up and pays child support"march btw he only paid 80 and its never DS fault that his "dad" doesnt have a car, DS didnt make him crash his car into two other cars. I know hes constantly put down too. His first soccer game for fall soccer ex and girlfriend came and the entire game was spent telling DS how hes such a cry baby and how terrible hes was doing. Suddenly after that game DS no longer wanted to play soccer. I told ex about the class and DS diagnosis, he just went into denial mode stating DS is a perfect angel and has no issues what so ever...
On a different/ yet somewhat similar note...last night after drop off fiance and I went out to dinner. We didnt realize girlfriend worked there and we did our best to just enjoy dinner. Its a restaurant which you make your own plate then take it to a grill and the griller fry it up. I made my plate took it to the griller and the griller stopped and sang happy birthday to me stating I was 12. Girlfriend went to the griller and told them I was 12 and basically mocked me in public. Then towards the endsof our meal she came to our table and mocked me right there. I didnt realize she worked there until she came over to our table. After I left I got a text from ex also mocking me.
I realize girlfriend is jealous of the life I live and how ex keeps texting me asking if we can get back together. In his texts he points out he hates girlfriend and how shes a pain in the a. He states hes just using her for a ride and now that she has a job and pays his bills hes sticking around for that. He then will tell me that he could never love her and that he only has ever loved me. After 5 years of separation and a divorce youd think hed realize I am done but I guess not. Then again it could be anouther lie to get me to trust him so he can take advantage of me.
It's difficult to talk DS through his anger about ex when he starts. Usually I just sit and listen and interject with "yeah that does suck huh" or something like that I try to leave my feelings out when he starts but it gets hard when hes told hes useless. On top of that ex and girlfriend are intentionally doing things to irk me and mock me. How is DS ever going to take me serioisly as a parent ifhes told that I am mean and that I throw temper tantrums. Whatever DS is told obviously affects him based on how he comes back, usually hes very clingy to the point of hyperventilation when I leave the room, sometimes he comes back angry and hits me. I just need some help how to handle everything. DS is in counseling as well as us doing the class...
On a different/ yet somewhat similar note...last night after drop off fiance and I went out to dinner. We didnt realize girlfriend worked there and we did our best to just enjoy dinner. Its a restaurant which you make your own plate then take it to a grill and the griller fry it up. I made my plate took it to the griller and the griller stopped and sang happy birthday to me stating I was 12. Girlfriend went to the griller and told them I was 12 and basically mocked me in public. Then towards the endsof our meal she came to our table and mocked me right there. I didnt realize she worked there until she came over to our table. After I left I got a text from ex also mocking me.
I realize girlfriend is jealous of the life I live and how ex keeps texting me asking if we can get back together. In his texts he points out he hates girlfriend and how shes a pain in the a. He states hes just using her for a ride and now that she has a job and pays his bills hes sticking around for that. He then will tell me that he could never love her and that he only has ever loved me. After 5 years of separation and a divorce youd think hed realize I am done but I guess not. Then again it could be anouther lie to get me to trust him so he can take advantage of me.
It's difficult to talk DS through his anger about ex when he starts. Usually I just sit and listen and interject with "yeah that does suck huh" or something like that I try to leave my feelings out when he starts but it gets hard when hes told hes useless. On top of that ex and girlfriend are intentionally doing things to irk me and mock me. How is DS ever going to take me serioisly as a parent ifhes told that I am mean and that I throw temper tantrums. Whatever DS is told obviously affects him based on how he comes back, usually hes very clingy to the point of hyperventilation when I leave the room, sometimes he comes back angry and hits me. I just need some help how to handle everything. DS is in counseling as well as us doing the class...
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Re: a lot of issues
1) How do you respond when your Son pulls the "woes is BF" crap? I would talk to his therapist, but you need to be honest every single time he says these things.
"Honey, I am very sorry that you are not able to see your father this w
Take it from me...one how gets sucked into XH's drama, and his current woes...you need to ignore his texts or hang up when he starts down that road with you. My XH doesn't do that anymore. He may test me now and again, but I immediately say "Okay, Good