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Names and Titles Question

MsTique85MsTique85
in Blended Families

Hello All,

I've been lurking on this board for a few months but I have a question that I could use some advice on. My SO and I have been together for almost a year. SO has a 10 year old son (shared custody with ex wife). SO and I hope to be married within a year to a year and a half (financial issues are why its not more set in stone). Me and SO live together so we all spend a lot of time together as a family and (almost) SS and I get along really well. He often "slips up" and calls me mom. I have no issue with this and neither does SO. My question is I'm looking for a way to let SS know that I am okay with him calling me mom if that's what is comfortable to him HOWEVER I don't want him to feel any pressure to do so.

I think part of the issue is that although we are civil we have had issues with the ex wife in the past, she has made remarks to SS about her feelings being hurt when he wanted to spend more time with us. I think SS may be holding back calling me mom because he doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings.  Should I talk to SS about what he calls me or continue to let him address me as he see's fit.

 Your advice is appreciated. 

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Re: Names and Titles Question

  • mom2onemom2one member
    Um, you should have a problem with it. You are not his mom. You are not his stepmom. It costs about $50 to get married at a court house. If you want the title, have your own baby. Good grief.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    imageMsTique85:

    I think SS may be holding back calling me mom because he doesn't want to hurt his mot

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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    I understood when I posted this that I may get opinions that I disagree with especially since the people on this board don't know me from a can of paint. HOWEVER just for the record I'm not fishing for a title. Nobody told the boy to call me mom, by the s
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  • 10-4LilBuddy10-4LilBuddy member

    We went through this when we first got married.  My SD would slip and call me mom.  However, she would also slip up and call her grandma "mom".  I get it, she just called a female caregiver "mom".

    SD and I discussed this because

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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    imagefellesferie:
    imageMsTique85
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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    image10-4LilBuddy:

    We went through this when we first got married.  My SD would slip and call me mom.  However, she would

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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imagemom2one:
    Um, you should have a problem with it. You are not his mom. You are not his stepmom. It costs about 50 to get married at a
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  • LilyLove29LilyLove29 member
    Usually a lurker here, though I did introduce myself sometime back. I'm often fortunate that I don't need to post questions though since magically you ladies ask them for me the same time I'm wondering. So I don't pop up much.

    I wanted to res
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  • Sweet30peaSweet30pea member
    My SKs occasionally call me mom on accident and I don't make a big deal about it one way or the other. If they catch themselves, I just say " I know what you meant" and move on. I think it's important to be nonchalant about it and let SKs or SO kids call
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  • mom2onemom2one member

    imageNineoceans:
    imagemom2one
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
    imageSweet30pea:
    My SKs occasionally call me mom on accident and I don't make a big deal about it one way or the other. If they catch th
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    You are not his mom so you don`t get that title. My SD called me that before and I explained to her that it would hurt her mom`s feelings. I would never want my son to call someone else mom so I would never do that to BM.
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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. Based on the feedback I think it is most appropriate if we come up with a nickname for me. I am still flattered that he is comfortable with me and I cherish our bond. It was never my intention to disrespec
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    I believe that unless you are the one parenting the child in the mother role, without the bio mother being involved, you should encourage him to call you by your name or a nick name. You are not his mother, and it sounds like he has a mother taking care o
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  • AmeliaKrisAmeliaKris member
    My SS calls me by my name. He explains me as his stepmom to his friends. I met him when he was 10. His younger sister was 7 when I met her. She is 10 now. She calls me mom or by my first name. To her friends, she always says "this is my mom". We have them
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Why in the world do you think that after dating someone for a year do you think that you deserve a title of Mom! Like You are not even engaged or you would have called him your fianc so the only reason you do not get married is that you are not even enga
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • MsTique85MsTique85

    Thanks again for all the replies. Even the ones I disagree with have given me food for thought. I just want to say this one thing. Even though custody is 50/50 on paper we have him quite a bit, often MUCH more than half the time. I get that me and SO n

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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    Apologies for the double post.
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    imageMsTique85:

    Thanks again for all the replies. Even the ones I disagree with have given me food for thought. I just want to say

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  • amarissa85amarissa85 member
    Lurker here but I have a blended family and DH has 2 daughters one of which is younger and often calls her stepfather daddy and this really really upsets DH. He is very active in their lives and BM does nothing to discourage it. I find it is inappropriate
    imageimageimageimage

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    BM has made SS call his step dad, dad since they started dating. She claims it is because she doesn't want the other kids calling her DH by his first name, but she made SS call him that before she had any other kids. When SS was younger it caused a lot of
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  • kali55kali55 member

    DH would love it if SDs called me Mom but I'm not comfortable with that title.  They call me Mopje (which is Dutch for darling girl and is a name used with affection in my family) and I love it, because as a SM, I occupy a unique position in their



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  • MsTique85MsTique85
    Thats adorable. An earlier poster suggested a nickname and I think its a wonderful idea. I kind of hit a landmine with my question but I appreciate all the replies. I think because I was raised with several momma such and such and poppa such and such aunt
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  • awesomenus1341awesomenus1341 member

    This has been an interesting thread to read through. My SS was 2 1/2 when DH and I met, and the very first time I met SS, he called me mom. As pp's mentioned, he was young, and his vocabulary was limited, and I was a female looking after him that day.

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