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FTM...?'s for STM and others...long

docco11docco11 member
in 2nd Trimester

First, I don't post here that often as I have been incredibly sick with all day sickness but am starting to feel better and become more active in participating!  In lurking, I am finding answers to tons of questions and am incredibly grateful for all of the advice and insight I have learned thus far!

My H and I live long distance from both of our familes, I have a large family that is close knit and H has a small family that is not very close to each other.  My family is already starting to talk about their plans for when the baby is born, we have made it very clear we only want 1 or 2 people visiting us at a time and my family has been really respectful of that and we are working on a "calendar" for when people can come and visit. 

H's family has not made any mention of when they are going to come and visit, they are not planners and will just expect that anytime they want to come will be a good time for us.   I know that H needs to talk to them about this soon, we don't want to make them feel unwelcome AT ALL but I also want to have an idea of what their plans are.  They are also the kind of people who will stay for a month +, which we will not be ok with.  Additionally, they have another daughter, who is a real life version of Matthew M's character in "Failure to Launch" who more than likely will also show up on our door step with them.  Which doesn't bother me so much, but H and his sister have not talked in 18 months.  Just a little awkward.

Here is my dilema, both of H's parents are OLD, they have not been around a baby in 30 years. H's youngest niece was the last baby they have been around.  No other family members have had babies since then.   I am having some anxiety associated with having houseguests, and truth be told, specifically my inlaws handling my baby.  His mother has a leg disease and she should not walk without crutches or a walker but she does, and his dad is very old and clumsy.  He drops things often or trips and stumbles.  I am somewhat concerned about the safety of my baby around them, but we don't know to address it.  I don't want to treat them as if they are 5, and have to tell them they can only hold our infant seated safely on a couch, chair, etc but we may have to.  They have already said that they want to watch the baby on their own while H and I have date night so I do know that they are expecting to care for the baby on their own. 

Now onto the sister, she is a FILTHY person, as in her home had a room that was covered from wall to wall in dog feces and urine.  She doesn't wash her hands, wipes her nose across her face with her arm, all things I imagine I will have to deal with in having a toddler :-)  We know to not eat anything she makes, someone always finds hair in her food. Is it rude to ask if she washes her hands, makes sure she has on clean clothing, etc before she handles our baby?

For the most part, it will be me handling the situation since my H will be going back to work a week after the baby is born.  I am really trying to keep an open mind,  I would have no problem addressing issues with my family but H is really uncomfortable about any of these topics with his own; presumably because they aren't as close.

Any advice would be welcome, even if it's just to tell me to calm down!

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Re: FTM...?'s for STM and others...long

  • vintageutopiavintageutopia member

    For starters, I would let your DH lay the groundwork for his family. It really needs to come from him. Have your DH call them and during the conversation ask them if they plan to visit and if so, when. Explain that you have family on both sides that wa

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  • BabyCampbell312BabyCampbell312 member

    My situation w/ my in-laws is a bit similar.

    With our first, I ended up being the one to tell them that I would prefer them to not come out and visit until the new baby was about 2 or 3 months old. I explained that this was going to be a bonding

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  • docco11docco11 member

    Thanks for the advice.  Yes, my H would talk to them, not me, but I am trying to help him with what to say since he would just come out and say "when are you coming, if you don't tell us soon, Docco's family gets first dibs...".  I want to be

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  • bray112611bray112611 member

    We had my in-laws to visit a few weeks after we moved into our new home. We have a guest room. I thought it would be great but my DH & I were still settling in and for whatever reason there was a lot of friction between him and I and then between h

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  • BabyBowers2013BabyBowers2013 member

    I don't really have any advice BUT you have EVERY right to ask EVERY SINGLE PERSON who comes into your home to please wash their hands before being able to handle baby :-) The one family I was a nanny for even had a couple notes they had out asking gue

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  • shara3333shara3333 member

    Asking someone to wash and/or sanitize their hands is very common.   When I was younger I didn't realize/think about germs being a major issue and had people ask me to wash my hands first, now I know and go for the sink before I go for their

    Trying for #2 since November 2015

    DS #1 - 7/25/13

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  • 1026pumpkin1026pumpkin member

    Well, I don't think you need to calm down- all your concerns are really valid.  I would have DH talk with them and let them know that you think you'll only be able to handle a few visitors at a time, and that you won't be able to accommodate house

    BabyFetus Ticker; Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • docco11docco11 member

    Thanks everyone for the advice/suggestions.  My H and I are on the same page, thankfully, but it's still a sensative topic subject for us both.  We want to be considerate, welcoming, etc, but we also don't want to cause any undue stress becau

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  • rissa06rissa06 member

    We used to have bottles of purell all around the house for guests and for ourselves.  We wouldn't let anyone touch the baby unless they did that.  Also, bc of spit up, so whenever we would transfer the baby, we would have a receiving blanket/

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  • thedashthedash member
    I quickly learned to blame my health/sleeplessness to keep DH's family from camping out 24/7 in my house when DS first came home. We definitely exaggerated my recovery difficulties and how tired I was as a way to make it clear we needed time alone and sho
    DS: 2/17/11          DD: 9/4/13
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  • AshleycerasuoloAshleycerasuolo member
    First off it is YOUR baby! If you are uncomfortable with someone holding YOUR baby then make that known! If they are dirty tell them and EVERYONE that they need to wash their hands and wear clean clothes. My FIL smokes and girl I have NO problem telling h
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  • katiebeneskatiebenes member
    staying for 1+ month would be the breaking point for me. No way am I "hosting" anyone for 1+ month. 
    Eat your food people. You are pregnant, not made of glass. ~PrimRoseMama
    The Benes Boys were born 9/3/13! woooo
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  • WheeLinTheSky3WheeLinTheSky3 member

    My biggest advice is to try to take a deep breath when it comes to new baby anxieties but to also safeguard your child's best interest (like you seem to be). You dont have to be mean, but you still have the right to express your wishes-especially in yo

     

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