Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Siblings Birthdays - am I off base

Banana44Banana44 member
in Blended Families

I don't post on here much, and honestly, over the years I have learned to let almost everything roll off my back - but something keeps bothering me today so I thought I would check to see what you think.

Backstory - DH and I have been married for 5 years; we have SS (9), DD1 (4 next week), DD2 (1 on Thursday).  DH and BM have a horrible (and I mean really horrible relationship), but we enjoy a 50% custody situation of SS.  BM ignored the existence of DD1 until last year (we see BM almost weekly at sporting events) and still isn't acknowledging DD2. And, BM does not speak to me at all. Also, BM has been using minor PA tactics recently (told SS I was having affair with DH - not true, told SS that DH never played with him as a baby/toddler, told SS that DH never had time to help BM around the house and he was mean to her, and co-sleeps with SS).  There is a lot more, but you get the gist.

So - this is what is bothering me.  BM sent DH an email stating that she bought gifts for both DDs from SS and can we pick them up because they're too big to send to school.  I know this seems innocent - but I find it extremely intrusive.  She has never sent gifts for DH (even though I have taken SS to get her a bday, mothers day and Christmas gift every year for 6 years) and she never sent gifts for the girls until this Christmas.  And I know that I should see this as nice and get over myself (my brain keeps saying that) - but the other part of me says - is this another PA tactic?  In my mind it is like she is mentally telling SS that he and her are together and the girls and DH are separate - especially since she has been telling him that DH likes the girls better than he likes SM.  

At one point BM was dating someone with kids and I never thought to intrude and buy gifts for these kids "from" SS - I felt like that was BM's job. 

Tell me I am being over sensitive if I am - I am just looking for some sense of reality.  I am obviously not going to say anything about the gifts and I'll tell him how great they are - but I still feel intruded upon.  I fell like DH and I should take the siblings to get sibling gifts.  

I know that next year I can resolve this by buying gifts between siblings earlier - but I just wanted to see how you all felt.  

If you have a Step and Bio's - how would you feel if BM sent gifts for your Bios from the Step? 

Report Reply to Post

Re: Siblings Birthdays - am I off base

  • kali55kali55 member

    BM took SDs to buy a very nice and thoughtful gift for DS's 1st birthday.  I thought it was lovely that she spent her time and money on my son. 

    I'm an eternal optimist and I would hope that her purchasing gifts for your children wou



    BabyFruit Ticker
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    I'm sure I'd feel the same way.  I think you'll handle it just fine and be gracious, but my guess is that you are right on the nose about her motive.  You could involve him in the party to avoid the outsider feeling, or just talk up his gifts an
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
    Report Reply
  • Banana44Banana44 member

    imageJ&A2008:
    I'm sure I'd feel the same way.  I think you'll handle it just fine and be gracious, but my guess is that yo
    Report Reply
  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    I think you are being a bit dramatic and over the top about this. It sounds to methat she's being nice. Maybe SS helped picked the gifts out, because he wanted to get gifts for them. How is that intrusive or PA? I think it sounds thoughtful and maybe she
    Report Reply
  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imagekali55:

    I'm an eternal optimist and I would hope that her purchasing gifts for your children would not have ulterior (malic

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



    Report Reply
  • Banana44Banana44 member

    imagewendilea:
    Honestly, it sounds like an olive branch way more than PA.  If she was keeping him from visiting on their birth
    Report Reply
  • Banana44Banana44 member

    imagewendilea:
    Honestly, it sounds like an olive branch way more than PA.  If she was keeping him from visiting on their birth
    Report Reply
  • Banana44Banana44 member
    imagejobalchak:

    As for BM not buying gifts for DH, it's not her responsibility to.  I think it's awesome that you take S

    Report Reply
  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageBanana44:
    imagejobalchak:</
    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



    Report Reply
  • Banana44Banana44 member
    imagejobalchak:
    imageBanana44:</
    Report Reply
  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    Why is it dishonest if SS doesn't pick out the gifts from BM but it's okay if he doesn't pick out the gifts you buy for the girls from him?

    I just think you are making a mountain out of something that doesn't need to be. Just like with any gift y

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

    Report Reply
  • bebe11bebe11 member
    I have taken my DD to buy gifts (birthday and Christmas) for her little brother. There is not one thing I like about my DD's bio dad's girlfriend. I simply bought the gifts because my DD asked me if I could take her to get the baby something. On th

     

    Report Reply
  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    BM sent something for DS this year from SS. We graciously accepted then donated. It was a used onesie that was about two sizes too small.

    SS didn't know the difference. If its a big thing I kind of see your point. Nothing you can do though b
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I get why you think it is odd but it is very possible that SS told his Mom he wanted to get his sisters a gift and she said ok. I would write her a thank you note for the gifts and hope it is a turning point.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
    Report Reply
  • awesomenus1341awesomenus1341 member
    I agree that it's kinda weird if she has never acknowledged your kids before, but I wouldn't read into it more than necessary. I would simply say thank you and like PP's suggested, make a big deal to SS about what an awesome big brother he is. FWIW,
    fbls


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"