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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Is it normal to kiss?
Hello everyone!
I'm totally new to this site and to posting online but I really need help!
Any input is appreciated!
I need advice on a rarely important situation that I'm going through with my toddler and her cousin.
A quick background:
My husband, 3 y/o daughter and I live together with my sister in law and her family (husband, 7 y/o daughter and 14 y/o boy) in the same house.
Other than having the here and there disagreement, we've been living together pretty well.
A few weeks ago, my daughter's cousin (the 7 y/o
girl)
started behaving pretty weird. It started by some unusual things like
undressing her dolls, or talking about boys kissing girls in school, and
in
general always emphasizing the kissing and 'getting naked' part. She
claimed that a boy in her
class had kissed her in her lips and neck and told her not to tell
anyone. Once
she told her mother, my sister in law, she went immediately to school to
address the issue. They told her that they were going to write a report
of the
situation and addresses it with the boy that had done that to her. They
also offered counseling for the little girl which my sister in law
turned down...
From that moment on, the little girls starting doing weird things, like for example she wouldn't stop talking about the boy that tried to kiss her. She would reenact the whole thing with her dollies. We would hear the same story over and over and over again and her Mother was OK with it.
Then things got worse. The 7 y/.o started trying to kiss my
daughter (3 y/o) in her lips. I addressed the issue with the child and with her
mom respectively, trying to use some psychology and telling her that kissing
someone else specially her little cousin was ?yucky' because of the germs and that she needed to respect
her little cousin at all times...
It seemed like it stopped for couple of days and then it started again. This time, she was doing it in secret. For example she would grab my daughter while they were playing alone and tried to kiss her in her lips, her arms, etc. Since I had alerted my daughter to tell Mommy when that happened, my little one (I'm so proud!) did a good job at screaming her lungs out, telling her to stop. When I would arrive at the scene, her cousin had this weird, almost malicious-like smile in her face and tried to play it off, or simply said that it didn't happen.
I addressed the issue with her mother one more time and told her that unless the situation stopped, I was not going to let them play together anymore.
Yesterday, we had some serious trouble in the horizon.
First, she once again tried to kiss my daughter but this time she was pulling
her face roughly with her hands into hers.... same situation, my little one
screamed at her "DO NOT KISS ME, MY MOMMY SAYS YOU CAN'T KISS ME' and at that
point since I saw the whole thing I came in, separated them and told the little
one off in front of her mother (who by the way, didn't react at all...)
2nd issue: When I took my daughter upstairs, my little one told me that her cousin had indicated to her to "wet her lips with her tongue" (OMG I feel even terrible writing this). I went downstairs and told the Mother about it and to my surprise she started dismissing the issue with comments like "it's not malicious" and "all kids do the same" and "when I was her age I was curious, that's all"...
I was infuriated
and told her to please talk to her daughter about it and make it stop. My
husband got involved and he spoke to the girl's father, his brother in law.
They both agreed that it was inappropriate and the guy spoke to his daughter
about it pretty firm as in ?don't do it again or you'll be in trouble'. The
Mother, his wife, came again into the picture dismissing once again the issue and telling
her husband off for addressing something like that directly with the girl. Again, she
claimed that it was absolutely normal between kids...
3rd strike: This did it for me!. At nighttime, while we were in the kitchen cooking, the girl and my daughter were suddenly playing under the table, and my husband noticed that while playing "doctors" the bigger one used a toy syringe and was trying to put it INSIDE MY DAUGHTER'S DIAPER/PANTIES. My husband went ballistic and when the little girl saw him, she let go on my baby's pants, put the cynic smile, and told everyone that they were ?just playing'.
We took our daughter back to the room and we waited for the older girl to go to sleep. I then went to speak with my sister in law, mother to mother, and tried to making her understand that she had a problem. I explained that this behavior was unacceptable and not healthy, and that I was concerned for my daughter but also for hers. I told her that maybe she was traumatized by the incident in her school, or that maybe she was watching unappropriated things online (she spends hours of unsupervised youtube watching) but that regardless of what the root cause was, I wanted it to stop or we would move out of the house.
Is that unreasonable to ask?
After almost 45 minutes of back and forth she agreed that it was best not to let them play together for a while.
We went back to our rooms and after 1-2 hours...hell broke loose...
My sister in law went crazy and came looking for my husband and started shouting really loud and accusing us of labeling her daughter as a "pervert". She also said that we were seeing "ghosts" and that maybe WE were the perverted ones because we looked at (quote) "normal things that all kids do"...with an adult distorted mind.
In other words, she turned this on us, claimed that her daughter's behavior was acceptable and told us that we were mean and unfair with her daughter and that we were ?traumatizing her by all this'. All of this, using a terrible fouled language.
The reason I'm writing this story is so someone can add some light to this matter. Everyone that I have spoken to, has said that we took the right steps, giving the child many chances to correct an unacceptable behavior. I strongly think that it is not the child's fault, but the mother's because of her compliant behavior. And I also think that the child needs therapy ASAP.
Now I'm in the middle of a war between brother/sister and the whole house's Family spirit is gone, and sometimes I actually feel guilty and feel that I might've overreacted a bit. This is my first and only child, and I don't have a lot of experience with multi-kids snecarios.
Has someone gone through something similar with their toddler?
What would you have done, as a Mother, if this happen to your child?
Thank you in advance for your answers!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it normal to kiss?
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I'm going to write this from my elem teacher perspective and not my mommy perspective. When you feel like something is wrong, it usually is. I would venture to bet from what you've written that something fishy is going on somewhe
In my opinion, curiosity is a completely normal process children go through, and making a child feel ashamed or embarrassed of it is setting them up for failure with self-esteem and sexuality down the road. From a young age children become curious abou
I would immediately leave the house. I don't think you overreacted at all. In fact it sounds like you were respectful and took all appropriate steps first.
I would leave. Period. End of story.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
I am a Social worker in the child welfare system and I would honestly say that it sounds very concerning to me how this child has been acting. Based on my experience I would be very concerened that there was some kind of abuse in her history.&nbs
This is creepy, and follow your gut. If you can, you really should move and have your own space. You obviously have different parenting styles and this will probably continue happening with this subject and others will surface as well.