How to Avoid Eco-Not Friendly Baby Shower Gifts
FooteBaby
member
I am not sure if this is the right board to post this question but here it goes.
We are expecting our second child and talk of a baby shower has already come up. DD was born on her due date so we didn't make it to that one 
Our families have completely different taste from us as far as where they buy, and what they buy. They are all walmart fans and buy tons of plastic and artificial fabrics. Also very gendered but that's the least of my worries.
I know I might sound a little ungrateful but, in the end I really jut don't want that stuff in my house and I hate that they waste their money.
I have already tried hinting at it by talking about my likes and dislikes and I even made a gift registry with DD#1 at a more preferred store and told everyone. They didn't take the hint obviously.
I've thought about asking for a diaper baby shower but then I imagined my house full of walmart diapers. And I feel weird about asking for anything AHH!
So how do you all avoid gifts that go against the way you run your home? It's not a big deal with the occasional gift but, what about a large families worth? Is there any avoiding it?
Re: How to Avoid Eco-Not Friendly Baby Shower Gifts
You really can't tell people where to buy you gifts from. Maybe ask everyone that will be there to please have a gift receipt with the gift. You could let them know that you still have stuff from DD1 and want to be able to return stuff if you get duplicates. I have a lot of organic stuff on our registry and I'm am thinking about asking my shower hosts to remind about gift receipts.
If that doesn't work or you still end up with lots of unwanted items, donate the items you don't want to a family in need or a shelter of some sort.
Although I understand about the whole etiquette issue, one must not look a gift horse in the mouth, thing. However, I do hear ya on not wanting useless gifts and most importantly gifts that go against your way of living and way of parenting.
The way I see it you have three options. 1) decline any baby shower, after all, if we really follow the rules of etiquette, a second baby shower is considered tacky. 2) don't say anything, and hope you get gift receipts to return/exchange what you need. 3) resgister for only a few items at a natural parenting store, don't register at any big box store, really spread the word you are registered at the natural parenting store, and hope you get what you really want!
But don't forget to smile and say thank you when that one person shows up with a box of 500 walmart wipes, the Salvation Army will thank you for it!
My Blog: Naturally Mindful
Thank you both. I guess I am a little stuck!
BUT I came up with a great idea that I think will help with the gendered items issue while I was waiting for replies.
We will be finding out the sex of the baby but, to avoid all pink and all blue gifts I thought a gender reveal baby shower might be fun! That might encourage people to include a gift receipt too!
1. If you are so eco-friendly why do you need a shower for your second kid? Can't you re-use what you already have from your first child?
2. No, you cannot tell your guests they have to buy you specific items, you can make a registry and hope they shop from it but you will just have to return what you don't want.
I don't know how you can avoid it. I live in a house where my mother in law refuses to recycle, shops at Walmart and doesn't understand concepts like cloth diapering and making your own baby's food. I was told that if I did not make a registry at Babies 'R Us people were going to shop there anyway. So I went and put a couple things on it (not very much).
My plan for gifts from Walmart is to return them and use the store credit towards gas. That way, Walmart doesn't double-profit from selling my family items only to have them returned, but I don't have to deal with a room full of Pampers.
I've noticed that, so long as they are computer savvy (many of them aren't), guiding them to an Amazon wishlist is the way to go - because Amazon tends to be a lot cheaper than most big-box stores.
At the end of the day, gifts are gifts. I understand how you feel ungrateful, I do as well because I want to raise my son a certain way that involves more thought than what my family members may be willing to accept. I feel ungrateful too sometimes, but what's important is that even if they give you things to smile, say thank you, write them a note, and just move on. Unfortunately, you can't convince some people of things (like the importance of recycling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
What kind of diapers do you prefer?
I think you mean well, but perhaps how you worded it here just comes across ungrateful.
Even if you weren't eco-friendly, people are going to get you what they want - because at the end of the day, it's their money and they can spend it however they want. The fact that you highlight that you're eco-friendly, I think just comes across elitest.
You have to do what everyone else has to do - be gracious, send a thank you note, and return the stuff you don't want. I think you're making more out of it than you need to....but what would make this all go away is if you just declined the shower to begin with...
I love the idea of having a "green" shower/sprinkle. You can invite friends and family to wear green to the party, bring "green" gifts (cloth diapers, wood toys, etc.), or donate some green ($) to a 529 account for your child. My dad's secretary at work had actually given him a check for $100 to be put in a college savings account when my DS was born (my dad has it in a Roth IRA and has my DS as the beneficiary) ... it was SO generous considering I have never met the woman! (This is a really great idea for grandparents to do at the holidays, too)
You could also do a Lorax themed party and say there isn't much you "Thneed," but would appreciate eco-friendly gifts or gift certificates to places like Amazon.com (where you can buy pretty much anything, including cloth diapers!). You could even do a registry on Amazon!
I know it is rather annoying getting gifts that don't jive with you. I have returned quite a few gifts my in-laws gave to us for my DS (including a toy cell phone) that were purchased at Wal-mart. I used the money to buy things like organic baby food to keep on hand when we went on trips or left DS with a sitter. They finally got the clue when I made a registry at Barnes and Noble for DS' first birthday and had Green Toys on there. That has been their go-to gift the last couple times they got him anything
I don't post much so I don't know how to reply to each of you.
My first baby shower was canceled last minute because I had to have an emergency c-section due to HELLP syndrome the day of. It was a really traumatic day for the family.
Turning down the baby shower would be just about the worst possible thing I could do.
We all want to have the celebration, i just don't want the stuff. I will ask for no gifts and just take it as it come I guess.
How on earth is being eco-friendly elitist!?! It is actually a more conservative way of life. It is realizing that we all have limited resources and should use them wisely. It is not taking the fragile earth for granted. Plus, things like cloth diapering vs. using disposable diapers is not only eco-friendly, it is financially wise... and that is being plain intelligent, not elitist!
I think the reason a shower is even being held for her is that she did not get to go to the one for her first child. That is a totally understandable reason. I honestly see no problem with having a small party with close friends and family for any unborn child... let's face it, too many people choose to deny the humanity of the person growing inside a pregnant woman's uterus and having a shower is a great way to combat their stupidity and arrogance! Personally, I don't give a flip what all the Baby Shower gurus say about the improper etiquette of having a celebration for your second, third, or fourth child. Does it have to be an actual shower? No. It could just be a fun cookout with friends and family and you could have people write notes to your unborn baby expressing their excitement of meeting the LO soon. Shouldn't THAT be the main reason for a shower anyways? I think that is what she is really getting at. She doesn't want to get inundated with things she doesn't need or want, she just wants everyone to have a good time and be excited about the little person growing inside of her!
The point of a shower is to "shower" the mtb with gifts. When that MTB complains because her family buys her sht from Walmart versus her expensive ecofriendly items, that's elitist. Being ecofriendly isn't.
You are correct, having preferences for your child and lifestyle is not. It's not even ungrateful to register for said preferences. What makes it ungrateful is the attitude that all of these people willing to buy gifts with the best intention are doing it somehow to annoy or hinder. I don't eat pork, but if I were hungry and someone brought me a BLT it would be pretty ungrateful to look at it and go "great now I have to deal with taking this damn bacon off" instead of thinking "hey that was nice they brought me a sandwich"... You know what I'm getting at?
For starters, I think everyone is making a bigger deal out of this.
If I may paraphrase, you guys are saying the OP is sounding snobbish by not wanting the crap she'll get at her shower. Like you never complained about all the unwanted gifts you got at your wedding/baby shower, etc.
You guys are saying if she was really eco-friendly she would not have a shower. Well sometimes that it is not up to the MTB, we all know no MTB throws her own shower, she is NOT asking for gifts. In fact, I believe her concern for all the "Walmart crap" she would get does sound like a person who is mindful of what mass production of stuff does to our natural resources. Isn't that the reason we buy second hand? Plus, she even stated she doesn't want people WASTING their money.
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To the OP: I have an idea. Why don't you get together with whoever is throwing you the shower, enlist her help to make it a true green/EF shower, make it a "sprinkle" not a shower--so keep it small and simple--and your host can help guests by pointing them in the right direction and have them bring you cloth diapers and things like that.
If asking for gifts is being elitist, so are diaper parties, then. And those are WAY tackier!
My Blog: Naturally Mindful
Meh...people get all up in arms...but if you haven't gotten to have a shower (though I assume people still gave you gifts the first time)...then sure, have another.
The only "correct" way to say what you want is to have the host politely spread the word on what you would like or not like...IF they ask. That's all.
So...if you get a bunch of stuff you don't like. Be grateful, gracious, and thank them. Then you can consign, donate, trade, regift, return, etc...the same as you would if you got 20 recieving blankets.
buh-BAM
Truth bomb just went off.
Yes, diaper parties are - totally agree. Again, I think the OP meant well, but there is no way to politely dictate how people spend their money, as in the case of a diaper party (or books instead of cards). Include registry information, but in the end people spend how they choose to spend.
Reading comprehension FAIL.
I understand how you feel, but in my opinion it would be rude to decline gifts or to decline the shower. You can say something like "we really don't need a shower, since we have so much already," but if they insist I think it would be rude to flat out refuse. People like to throw showers and they like to buy baby gifts, so if you want to stay on good terms with your family you should probably accept their kindness.
I like the ideas of asking for a gift receipt to avoid duplicates. The gender reveal is also a great idea, and at least you might avoid getting a bunch of clothes that way.
Sounds interesting.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I don't like second showers but whatever, to each their own. If your family wants to throw you one, awesome. When you accept a shower you accept it their way. You can't tell people what to buy you. That's rude. If they ask what you need you can make suggestions but that's it. Asking for gift receipts is insanely rude. How can anyone not see it's like saying "Hey please bring me a receipt because I probably won't like your gift and would prefer to return it and get something else" is totally beyond me.
I got a ton of stuff I didn't need at my shower. I returned what I could use and donated anything else. It wasn't wasteful or rude. There is simply no polite way to say "hey buy me this" or "give me a receipt so I can return it." Take what you get and be grateful. If you can't use it someone else probably can and that's being environmentally responsible too.
"We will be finding out the sex of the baby but, to avoid all pink and all blue gifts I thought a gender reveal baby shower might be fun! That might encourage people to include a gift receipt too!"
This is what we're doing too. Guests at our shower get to bite into cupcakes with filling colored for baby's gender. That way, everyone sticks to the gender neutral items on our registry. Too late to buy pink or blue once you're at the shower :-)
You can't say "organic gifts only" but you CAN ask your host/hostess to make your shower theme green/organic & add a little note like "We are throwing a Green baby shower for FooteBaby to help preserve the planet for her little angel." Then register for all organic items or at an Eco baby store. My St. Louis area has City Sprouts, which I adore.