BPF and Angelbaby

katigox · March 2013

Hi there ladies! So I disappeared for a week, thanks to just pure exhaustion. I'm happy to report that DS has been off Tylenol for days and I've been basking in my baby's warm smiles and laughs once again

Just in time, because had our Angelbaby been born today, he/she would have been one (or not, considering DS was a week late!). I've been working on putting something together for our spiritual nook that holds the ashes of of some family members (since my baby died so early, there was nothing to bury or cremate). And last year, I was busy trying to focus *all* my attention on keeping my anxiety levels down for when I was pregnant with DS (and utterly failing at it like ten times a day). But I'll share that project when it's done!

I know that my early loss is not really comparable to some of the tremendous tragedies some of you have gone through (like stillbirth, or neonatal death) . . . but grief is grief, and loss is loss, and the sad truth is, we are all here because we are mothers to more than just the physical children we have here on Earth. And though I think the weeks leading up today, were harder than the actual day, I still am looking at my DS, knowing (and hoping) that his big sister or big brother is watching over him like I am ~ so spare me some T&P if you have any please, so I don't turn into a blubbering mess in front of him! (trying to save the tears till after he's asleep)

And before I make this any sadder, I'll share a pic of DS trying out the gentian violet for his thrush (he's not in pain anymore, but those spots were taking forever to clear up!). It makes him look utterly ridiculous, which is why I had to share a pic - sorry for the quality, it's an iPhone pic with not the best lighting - but notice his purple hand as well, from him gnawing on his fingers :P

*And sorry if this is a bit rambled, I've been working on it with a sleepy baby beside me, REALLY ready for me to hold him so he can take a nap I'll try to catch up with the overall thread sometime tonight ~ TIA for T&P*

FreyaWin2382 · March 2013

1. (((HUGS))). Those EDD's are so hard.

and 2. Your little guy looks adorable (blueberry face and all! I'm glad that he's feeling better too!).

orangegoggles · March 2013

::hugs:: I hadn't planned on it but I often talk to DS about his three angel siblings when I rock him at night. It comforts me to think they are watching down on him.

Your DS looks adorable.