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I miss my baby.

shamwham16shamwham16
in Adoption

i miss my baby.

it's been 3 weeks since i placed annemarie.

i know her adoptive parents love her. i know they're great parents to her. i know they can give her things she wants. and i know i made the right choice. but i still miss her and i wish i could see her. and i still have regret.

i wish annemarie wouldn't have cried when i placed her into her adoptive mom's arms. that would make this easier. but she wailed and wailed, and she couldn't be comforted, and it makes me wonder if she misses me too. i think it'd be a mix of comfort and regret if i knew she misses me. comfort because i'm not alone, regret because if she misses me maybe i shouldn't have placed her. i feel so empty without her, and her father doesn't care. he didn't even want to meet her. he signed the papers and said see ya later. if he ever decides he wants to though i'll be here.. i hope someday he does come around, because i really don't know all that much about him to tell annemarie and her adoptive parents. and even fewer good things. 

i miss her, so so much. but i know that my agony is for her benefit.... 

 i hope if anybody is considering adoption, that they know it will hurt. that being a birthmother hurts so bad. i'm not saying adoption is bad, i'm just saying, it hurts. it can be good. i know it can. it just hurts so bad right now, and i wish more people would have told me that.

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Re: I miss my baby.

  • mtenderemtendere member
    I'm sorry you're hurting and hope that you can find some peace through your grief. 
    ***************************** Our beautiful daughter was born in October 2009. Turns out she was quite the miracle. After two years of TTC, diagnosed with DOR. A couple of failed treatment cycles later, we decided to let go of our hope for more biological children and explore adoption.
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  • maryoosamaryoosa member
    I'm very sorry you are hurting. I can't imagine how hard of a decision it is to make an adoption plan. But I hope you have someone you can talk to who can help you express you grief and understand it and also honor yourself as a mother.
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  • kfourcatkfourcat member
    So sorry for your pain. Can you find some low cost counseling in your area? I'm a firm believer in counseling, especially with grief. 
    Domestic Adoption-Activated January 29th, 2013. Trying to be patient. The journey: http://perpetuallyupsidedown.tumblr.com/
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  • Ginny0211Ginny0211 member

    I'm so sorry you had to make such a heart breaking decision. I know how hard it is to place a child into an adoption and let go of being Mommy when every part of your heart aches to be Mommy and care for and love that baby.

    I placed my birthson

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  • Flamingo86Flamingo86 member
    I don't have anything to add that others haven't already said, but I'm so sorry you are struggling. I hope you can find the peace and support you need.

    Started TTC July 2012. Missed m/c & d&c 9/12 11w. Natural m/c 1/13 6w. Chemical pgs 3/13 & 8/13 around 4w. Currently TTA while saving for adoption.

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller
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  • UnknownUnknown

    Hi,

    I am working on a docu-series that is profiling pregnant women who have made the important decision to place their babies. If you have time, I'd like to hear more about your personal journey.

    You can email me at expectingdoc@gmail.com</

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  • UnknownUnknown
    I dont have a clue where to begin other than i have a sister in my life because of adoption. Her biological mother was 13 when she had her and had no way of providing for her. She is the biggest blessing in my life she is like my own child! Now through he
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