Parenting after a Loss

"Daddy" Preference

Anyone else's LO have a major preference for your DH/SO?  DS has been a daddy's boy since day one.  After 8 months, it's really started to take a toll on me, emotionally.  I feel so.. disheartened.  Irrational, I know, but it just fuels my guilt.. guilt that I wasn't able to BF.. guilt that I work and am away from him 50+ hours a week (even though DH is, too).. guilt for any time I've lost my patience, etc.

It's just, really tough.  On one hand, I am absolutely over the moon to see DS love DH so much.. but, it's bittersweet.  DS searches for DH constantly.. if I'm holding DS or trying to play with DS, he can't be bothered.. it's not even like DH goes above and beyond for DS.. he doesn't even have to pay him any mind and DS will just stare at him and smile and giggle and be in just complete awe.  I have to really work for his attention, and even then it's difficult.

DH and I used to take turns feeding DS and reading to him at night.. one would feed, while the other read, and then we'd switch the next night.. we've had to stop this.. because if I'm feeding DS and DH is reading, DS can not even focus to eat because he's so worried about staring and reaching for Daddy.

It just breaks my heart.. makes me feel like a terrible Momma sometimes :(  I just wish it was more "equal" :(

Loss #1: 18w5d.. D&E 04Mar03 BFP #2: Jun2011.. missed miscarriage. D&C 08Jul2011 8w4d. BFP #3: Nov2011.. Our Rainbow Baby!!! DS Born: 15Jul2012! BFP #4: Nov2012.. 2U1 - DS2 born 12Jul2013.  BFP #5: 01Jan2014..3U3!!

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Re: "Daddy" Preference

  • I really think that babies are smart enough to know they don't have to "try" to win mama's love and affection.

    When it comes to DH, on the other hand, evolutionarily, the baby would have to "try" harder to get DH to love and care for it.  </

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  • imagehopefulmom81:

    I really think that babies are smart enough to know they don't have to "try" to win mama's love and affection.</

    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
  • imagehopefulmom81:

    I really think that babies are smart enough to know they don't have to "try" to win mama's love and affection.</

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  • Yes!!!

    DD is such a daddy's girl. She will literally push me out of the way and run to him as soon as he gets home. I kept thinking it was a phase and that she will go back and forth but she doesn't. She'll have a couple of days here and there of

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  • Oh you poor thing!  DD also had a "Daddy's girl period".  She would cry when he left, she would always want to sit on his lap, be held by him - it made me feel like crap.  I was the one getting up, changing her, feeding her, playing with

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  • DS went through a major phase of this around 1013 months....anytime I had him he'd ask for his dada. For Christ sakes he would even call me baba and just ran around saying dada all the time. Before then he was always more giggly happy with his dad but I w
    BFP #1 6/18/10 Saw HB 7/15/10 Missed M/C 8/17/10 @ 12 weeks 2 days- 2 D&C's( 8/20 and 8/26) BFP#2 11/21/10 Nonviable at 5wks, possible ectopic. Methotrexate 12/3/10&12/9/10 BFP#3 3/10/11 Beta@12dpo 39 Beta@14dpo 160! 21 DPO 2439 HB at 7wks 127 EDD 11/17/11
    ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
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  • Agree with everything PPs have said! *hugs* You're a wonderful mama.
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