I need advise...

I'm 27, 30 wks and "taking a break" from baby's dad. I found out he'd been cheating with a 23 yr old and hes 30! Supposedly she knew about me and our "situation" (which there was none cause she thought we weren't together! LIE), the fact that he has 2 kids and one on the way and she STILLL wanted to be with him! He told her that he lived with his mom (LIE, lived with me). I'm sorry, if at 23 a 30yr old came at me living with his mom and 3 kids and didnt have custody of any of them, I'd be a white blur! LAME ! Thats sad! We had agreed we were going to work this out and he'd stop talking to her, but NO! He and she just couldn't stay away.

I really really miss him. We've known each other for 15 yrs and I have always been there for him through his crazy (she really is) ex. We'd talked about getting married after baby and had already started planning a life together. I had grown up in the church and because of growing up and college I'd stopped going. He took me to his non-denominatinal (sp?) church and it slapped me in the face with what I'd been needing for a long time... Jesus. I felt better month after month and we grew closer and closer as a couple. He made me a better person for my 8 yr old daughter and myself. Everyone around us knew that we were done, that I was done~ I'd found the man I was going to marry! He went to his mom last part of Jan and told her I was the one, that he was going to propose! It was ALWAYS K&H! People we went to highschool with were surprised but saw how happy we both were and made each other. He was my best friend and I'd assumed I was for him too.

Since we started this "break", there's not a minute that goes by I don't think about him, wonder what he's doing or even think about him loving on her and thinking that should be me! then getting pissed or upset. My mom and friends understand and were also blindsided by this. They understand that I'm "mourning" the life and realtionship we were building. On the outside I look like I'm holding it together but I can't help myself from sending some hatefull text about how he's ruined the life WE were building, how hes just a check to me now and the next time we'll talk is in the hospital. I feel so hurt and really don't want to involve him in the birth of our son to hurt him. Not give our son his last name (He hasn't proven to be a stand up guy, why would I give him his name?) to make him feel the pain and hurt I feel and will feel for the next 10 wks until little man comes. I don't want to be ugly and the one thats nasty but I've turned into that bitter woman that was left.  When he did come over to talk, he tells me he wants to work this out, that he wants to be together and that he loves me. But how can you love someone and sleep with another human being? and STILL keep her on the side and "try to work on us"? How does that work? As mad and disgusted with him as I am, I never once have thought about revenge or getting even. I don't want anyone else but him! I'd considered us married, me off the market.

My life has been completely turned upside down and I don't do well with waiting. It's always been black or white for me. this waiting around to see if things will work, even if were just civil, is driving me crazy! What am I supposed to do? I didn't gain any weight in 7th month and we all know how bad that is right now.

I just don't know what to do. I'm heartbroken, jealous of the time he's spending with her (my time), and lost. Help?