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Birth Parent Relationships

SweetieBelle04SweetieBelle04
in Adoption

As I mentioned in my last post, we are adopting our daughter's full biological sister.  We have a semi-open adoption with DD through our agency.  We send letters and photos to the agency, and they send them to DD's BPs.  Last fall the agency told me that the BPs had stopped receiving our updates, but that they would hold them and hope to send them later.

This made me really sad that we might have lost that link for DD.  I was feeling pretty bummed that we might never hear from them and that DD might not get to meet them if she wanted to.

Fast forward to now and they have asked to place this new baby with us.  We were so thrilled to hear from them in addition to the new baby news.  It's weird, but I was way excited that this means we get to see them again and try to rebuild a relationship. 

Our agency still wants to remain as the middle man, and I'm totally comfortable with that.  I feel like we're in a really weird spot, though, because I want to build a relationship with them without hurting the new placement.  It feels like such a delicate balance.

Our agency typically does a dinner (with both caseworkers present) before the baby is born to allow the BPs and APs to get to know each other.  The BPs have asked that we bring DD with us, and the agency is good with that.  I'm so glad they want to see her, but I'm really worried about something happening that might make them second-guess their decision about the new placement.  If it makes a difference, they are parenting 3 children, so they do know what a toddler is like for dinner.

I'm being crazy, right?  Is there anything that I need to pay special attention to?  I would really love for our DDs to be able to have a relationship with their BPs ( and other siblings) in the future if they want to.  I would love any advice or suggestions from the BMs or those of you who have open adoptions.  Thanks!

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Re: Birth Parent Relationships

  • MzReeMzRee
    I think that your fear is warranted; its almost like going to an interview, where you fear you wont be accepted! However, it really sounds like you guys have got a good thing going, so I wouldn't be too worried. Let us know how the dinner goes :)
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  • SweetieBelle04SweetieBelle04

    Thanks, ladies!  I'm just so nervous about it.  We don't really have a choice, so I guess I shouldn't waste time worrying about it.  I really hope DD is a perfect angel!

    The agency said they weren't getting out updates because they

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  • davidandheatherdavidandheather member
    Oh my goodness. I'd be so nervous. I hope you can relax. Remember the BP are nervous too and probably feeling judged. I think look them in the eye a lot and give them much respect, ask them questions about their life (not too many), but show interest and
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