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Yet another intro + question

starshineamatorstarshineamator
in One & Done: Only child

Title: Yet another intro + question

New board! I have been hoping that something like this would pop up. I haven't had my first yet, so I hope you guys don't mind if I hang around here anyways? =)

My backstory (this is going to be long, I apologize!)- when I was younger, I wanted a huge family. Like 10 kids. I have one younger brother and always wished for more siblings, and was jealous of my cousins who had more. My mom was one of 7 sibs and they are all so close, and I wanted that too.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in high school and was told that I most likely wouldn't be able to get pregnant naturally, and would need fertility treatments/IVF. This was devastating and it took me years to come to terms with it. After Spouse and I got married, we planned on waiting a few years to try for kids anyways because we wanted that time together alone for our marriage. In that time, I watched my SIL (who I am very close to) go through round after round of infertility treatments and IVF, saw how it tore her apart physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and decided that I couldn't go through that. She still has never been pregnant. =(

This and our life as a couple led to the mutual decision that we didn't want kids at all and were completely satisfied with our life together. Things were perfect as they were and we had no desire to change that. I had been off the pill for a few years and tracking my cycles, and had found that I had a really short luteal phase that shouldn't have been able to sustain a pregnancy at all. We figured that if we changed our mind about kids in a few years then we'd adopt. 

And then I got pregnant. We were completely shocked. It has taken some adjusting, but we love this baby and are happy and excited. Since day one though, Spouse has been adamant that we are one and done. He says that we go back to the original plan- if we change our minds in the future, we can adopt. But now I'm having all kinds of second thoughts and worries about her being an only child, mostly because of how I felt growing up. I felt deprived and I DID have a sibling- what if my child is like me?

So this is where the question part comes in- how did you know for sure that you were one and done? Some days, I know it is the right decision for our family, and other days, I feel like we can't possibly just have one. I see the pros and cons on both sides and just don't know how to feel about it. Spouse wants to get a vasectomy (now that we know I can, in fact, get pregnant naturally!) after this baby is born, and it terrifies me to think of doing something so permanent when I'm so back and forth about it. 

I've typed this up a bunch of times and then decided not to post it, so... here goes nothing! lol 

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Re: Yet another intro + question

  • hopefulmom81hopefulmom81 member

    Okay, two part answer...

    I am an only child and never once felt deprived.  The thing is, we don't know any different, so life just is what it is.  As I never felt deprived of a sibling, I look at people with siblings and wonder how they

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  • Arcadia1114Arcadia1114 member
    Many factors went into our decision. First, dh is an only child and loved everything about his childhood. I have one sister. While we are friends, we've had ups and downs. We would never be friends if we didnt share a uterus.

    I was 33 when I
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  • lilsquirt75lilsquirt75 member

    How do I know we are one and done - that is easy.  My family feels complete with my DD and couldn't imagine not being able to give her everything she needs because we have two to provide for.  I will also note that we were super lucky to have

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  • kristenndkristennd member

    imagestarshineamator:
    My backstory (this is going to be long, I apologize!)- when I was younger, I wa
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  • starshineamatorstarshineamator
    Thanks, everyone. You guys are all awesome. The more I read through the posts here the better I feel about just having the one. I'm sure that there will be more back and forth to come over the next few years, but reading all of the benefits laid out so cl
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  • scrappingcatscrappingcat member

    Ever since we started seriously considering One and Done (within the past few months) I've been realizing how much life would change adding a newborn.  

    Perfect example:  DS wants to go rollerskating this weekend and if we had a newborn

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  • JSabs09JSabs09
    Congratulations on your pregnancy!  Smile  We're still undecided as well but I agree with the above... siblings don't guarantee friends or that they will get along.&nbsp
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  • salt78salt78 member
    imagehopefulmom81:

    Okay, two part answer...

    I am an only child and never once felt deprived.  The thing is, we don't kno

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