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8 weeks and super stressed

knottied2a666e3e38a2a87knottied2a666e3e38a2a87 member
in New to The Bump

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are crazy about each other, crazy for babies and kids, but we are not crazy about this pregnancy, even though it seems like we have been doing a pretty good job faking it for each other.  Please save negative comments -- we are very grateful for this baby and already care for him/her very much, and yes, we are aware that this is our own doing.

We're not ready.  We are living paycheck to paycheck in a trashy one bedroom apartment, neither of us have health insurance, and we make too much for Medicaid, CHIP, or any other government programs.  I looked into buying private health insurance -- not only is it unaffordable, but most plans don't offer maternity coverage.  No, there is no place for us to cut back.

I can't tell my employer until the last minute.  I am aware of laws (I work in a law office, they are too) that say I cannot be fired for being pregnant or passed over for a promotion, but I would be passed over, and that promotion in the next few months could mean health insurance for me.  It is a small, small chance that I will hang onto for as long as possible.  As it stands, any maternity leave I take will be unpaid, so I pretty much need to have this baby on a lunch break.

I'm very healthy and active and have never had any reproductive problems.  I've been taking prenatal vitamins.  I'll be doing sliding scale visits via the health department (scary place) but even then, I can only actually go as I can afford them.

Everyone tells me, prenatal care is so important, blah blah blah.  When I was applying for WIC this week (I make too much for that, too) the nutritionist said I should even be going to the dentist!  I laughed.  Even on this website, every other phrase is "talk to your OB" or "ask your OB about this cool thing."  I feel like I'm missing out.  I know in my heart that if there is anything wrong with the baby at this point, there's not much to see or be done anyway so I try not to worry.  But I do, and I'm so jealous of the women going to the OB seemingly for fun every few weeks, getting to hear heartbeats and see 4D ultrasounds and all of that.

Any advice?  How can I get more excited for this baby?  Maybe this isn't so much about wanting feedback as it is me wanting to get this off my chest.  Thank you!

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Re: 8 weeks and super stressed

  • szkarz08szkarz08
    I'm sorry that you are in that situation. I don't really have any advice, but I do hope that you find whatever you need to get through this and end up in a happy place.
    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • barbs21barbs21
    From what I captured here, you're extremely overwhelmed with your financial situation and I am so sorry you are going thru so much but as crazy as this may sound, both you and your husband WILL make it all work, everything WILL fall into place and trust that everything happens for a reason. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and wiser. Brace yourself for what's to come but also know in your heart and reassure yourself that as bad as it may be, there are worst circumstances you can be in and it's only a matter of time before everything falls into place. I wish you the very best and congratulations, sweetheart!
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  • knottied2a666e3e38a2a87knottied2a666e3e38a2a87 member
    Thank you both!
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Honestly, I've found pregnancy more and more a means to an end and not this thing to spend all your emotion and glowing-ness over. Plenty of people have had babies in less than ideal circumstances, and it all worked out fine.

    Take care of yourself, GL on the promotion, and I hope your financial picture improves soon.

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  • MamaKrizekMamaKrizek
    Though not in your situation I've been struggling with being happy about my pregnancy, mostly do to relationship stress and the glaringly obvious feeling that I'm going to be a single parent even if my relationship survives its crap. I think that you feel overwhelmed and clearly so but don't let the stress get you to a point where you can't find even a sliver of happiness about your baby. Take a moment, even if you're alone, and just take a deep breath and let go of the crap and allow yourself sometime to actually feel with your heat the joy you are denying yourself. Trust me, I've done it for too long and now i smile all the time and talk to my belly and i don't give a rats butt if anyone or anything else is weighing on me...sometimes you need to give yourself the green light to be happy instead of the stress only light, know what i mean? everything happens when it should so just keep your chin up, lovey. :
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  • Tiffany020Tiffany020
    You can go to the welfare office and get pregnancy only medical you can't go to the doctor for any other reason if not pregnancy related but it helps with the cost
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  • knottied2a666e3e38a2a87knottied2a666e3e38a2a87 member
    Well, I didn't qualify for Medicaid for Pregnant Women at the time, but I had a dip in income, reapplied, and I qualify now.  I'm much less stressed, I am finally going to get some bloodwork and other real exam stuff done (I'm 14 weeks!) I just have to focus on saving up living expenses for the six weeks I plan to take off for the birth.  Thanks for all the support!
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