N3TR How to support a friend's troubled marriage

katib77 · March 2013

Any ladies have experience or advice on how to support a friend going through marriage issues?

My college roommate and I have stayed friends in the 13 years since I graduated but moved all over the globe (she's military and I was in sales) so we have not lived within two states of each other for the last 12 years. So we get to see each other only once a year (if we're lucky) and communicate mainly through email. We got used to this when she was living in Germany for three years. She just emailed me very vaguely about her marriage being in trouble and that her H has agreed to therapy. I know a few years ago he had an issue with drinking and now she mentioned that he's been lying (but not what about).

I don't want to pry so I told her it was a good step they were seeking counseling, and that it might be good for them to do individual as well as couple therapy. And let her know I'm always here for her to vent to, even if it's just for me to say "I'm sorry, that sucks". But don't know if there is something else I should say/do or things I should avoid. Admittedly, I think after being here for three years I'm better at being supportive, but still not sure how to handle this. None of my friends are divorced or have ever admitted to such a rocky relationship that it's uncharted territory for me.

And advice?

megs3084 · March 2013

It sounds like you've already said what I would. Best thing you can do is just be there for her. If you think about it, its almost like what we tell people looking for advice on supporting a friend w IF. You cant fix the problems, but you can be there.

GeauxM&V · March 2013

I agree with what everyone else has already told you. I am usually the backboard for all of my friends' relationship/family/misc troubles, so I have learned that the best way to deal with it is to put yourself in their position. I try to imagine what I wo

herecomesthesun · March 2013

Definitely just be there for her.

I recently had a close friend separate and divorce and go through counseling in between. I told her, "Hey, no matter what, I'm here for you. No matter what you decide, I am your friend. Just let me know if there'

Neesey · March 2013

I've been there! It was so hard when I found out that my ex-husband cheated on me and I decided to end our marriage. I had known him since we were 5 and no one, including me saw it coming. I'm glad that she's taking the bull by the ho

futurehuber · March 2013

Sounds like you are doing the right thing so far and PP's have given awesome advice. This is probably pretty obvious, but I want to add in to make sure not to say hurtful things about her H in case things do get worked out. I'm sure you probably wou

Cara1024 · March 2013

futurehuber:
Sounds like you are doing the right thing so far and PP's have given awesome advice. This is probably pretty obvi

ricecakes1216 · March 2013

katyj25:
I think what you said was an absolutely perfect response. Allow yourself to be there for her to vent to, but don't

BellaLux · March 2013

Kati what you said was perfect and appropriate! You were positive, reinforced therapy, didn't throw a million questions, didn't tell her what she should do, and most importantly, you did not BASH her DH. I know you are primarily her friend, but that is

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