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Numerous night wakings

SuperciliousnessSuperciliousness member
in Attachment Parenting

Our son is a terrible sleeper. We have been co-sleeping with him since birth. He is now 13 months old and we are still co-sleeping, but only bring him into our bed after we have gone to bed. He sleeps on his mattress on the floor in his room because he absolutely would not sleep in his crib, so we gave up and took it down around 11 months. His naps last 30 minutes to a hour. He'll only sleep longer than a hour if he has someone napping with him.

The problem is that until we go to bed, he wakes up frequently in his room. For example, last night I put him to bed at 7 and went to bed at 11. In four hours he woke up 6 times! Every time he wakes up I go in and usually have to nurse him back to sleep. He does not self-soothe very well (or at all), and it is nearly impossible to get him to lay on his mattress long enough to pat him back to sleep. When he wakes up, he begins to cry and sits up. I think that goes along with his inability to self-soothe, where he doesn't allow himself to fall back asleep alone. This is in part why we have to place him in his room until we are ready for bed. We tried just putting him to sleep in our room, but he still woke up frequently and if we didn't get there in time, would try to walk off the bed or stand up and throw things off our headboard. 

I don't really know how to help him sleep better. I am at a loss. I feel that I am constantly waiting for him to wake up and I can't get anything accomplished after he has gone to bed. I worry that if I don't get in there fast enough I won't be able to get him back to sleep and he'll be up for hours.  I feel like we have tried everything possible to make his sleep environment comfortable for him. Part of me feels like I am failing him, because I have somehow enabled him to have terrible sleep habits. I don't know how stupid that sounds, but I could use all the help or advice I can get. 

 TIA. 

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Re: Numerous night wakings

  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    With DD in our bed (and then a floor mattress in our room), I had to spend a LOT of time teaching her that - at bedtime - she had to lay down on the mattress and stay on it all night long.  It was a lot of reminders and physically moving her from a sitting position (before she had the time to stand up) to a supine position.  She could wave her arms and "toss and turn", but she had to remain laying down in bed - that was the only rule.  As I would go to sleep with her for a long time, I could do this.  It took a long time, but I think it helps with the self-soothing since she can't self-soothe if she wides herself up by getting up!
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  • tokenhosertokenhoser member
    What happens if DH goes in? We have had luck with DH going and lying with DS and holding him still until he falls asleep. It does not make DS happy (he cries and fights), but it does make him go to sleep. Perhaps you need to break the constant nurse-to-sleep association? I won't claim this is no-cry, but generally at a toddler age, I find that some crying is acceptable especially in the arms of a parent.
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  • SuperciliousnessSuperciliousness member

    imagetokenhoser:
    What happens if DH goes in? We have had luck with DH going and lying with DS and holding him still until he falls asleep. It does not make DS happy (he cries and fights), but it does make him go to sleep. Perhaps you need to break the constant nurse-to-sleep association? I won't claim this is no-cry, but generally at a toddler age, I find that some crying is acceptable especially in the arms of a parent.

    DH can usually get him back asleep, but it seems like only once a night. His schedule is so erratic too, that I'm often the only one home to put him to sleep. We have been working on DH putting him to bed more. I will nurse him before bed and then DH will take over. It seems to be working so far, but he still wakes up.

     

    We will continue to work on getting DH to put DS to sleep and have him be the one to go in when he wakes up if DH is home.  

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  • Izybel18Izybel18 member

    My LO is the same age and given the chance, she would also wake up if I put her to sleep alone. So, I don't. Her last nap usually ends around 5/5:30 and then she stays awake until 9 or 10, whenever I go to bed (we bedshare). It would be nice to be able to put her to bed at an earlier time, but she needs someone to snuggle with her or hold her still until she falls asleep. We used to be able to watch TV in the bedroom at least, but now she wakes up if we turn the TV on. So, I just go to bed at 9 and get a few extra hours of sleep. I try not to let it get to me. If I'm not tired, I'll take my iPad into the bedroom and surf the web after she falls asleep. 

    I don't think you should feel pressure to rush self-soothing. DD used to be terrible at falling back asleep without a boob, and over time she got better and now sometimes a sush is all it takes. I did nothing to rush it. I figure that when she's ready to sleep alone, it will happen. HTH!

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  • erbearerbear member

    There comes a point where sleep for your kiddo (and you) becomes more important. You may have reached that point. Honestly, his waking up 6 times in 4 hours is not good for him. That first stretch of sleep is usually the best/most restful one and he needs it. 

    I would check into some sleep training. If CIO or Ferber isn't your thing, check out No Cry Sleep Solution, but yeah, this isn't healthy for anyone. Sorry mama.

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
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  • UnknownUnknown
    I have been dealing with this exact thing and came here for help.  We have been co sleeping with my 10 month old since she was 6 months,  We moved and she was waking up every hour.  It was just easier to put her in our bed than get up to BF all night.  We are trying ti transition her to her own room, but have no idea how.  I really dont want her to CIO, My DH can get her back to sleep most of the time when she wakes up before we go to bed.  At night, however, she seems to think I am an all night buffet! Something needs to change! We will be out of town the next few weekends so we are going to try the transition when we get back. I think I will sleep on an air mattress with her in her room and hopefully move her into crib after a few nights.   Let me know if anything works for you
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