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Parenting after 35
RebeccaR17
member
Any other older new moms w/health anxiety?
RebeccaR17
member
Hi,
I'm new here. I'll try to be brief. My DD is about to turn 1 year old. It took us 10 years (a miscarriage, 3 failed adoptions, 5 more miscarriages) to have her, and I am now 38. I have a history of depression (initially caused by the birth control pills it turned out I didn't need, and then all the losses) and anxiety about health issues (worried I've got cancer, mostly). Overall, though, I've been doing pretty well since she was born - no PPD at all, just thrilled every day that she is here.
However, about 3 months ago, I started having some lower back pain, as well as pain and pressure in my hip, all on my right side only. Now it has progressed to upper back pain and a tight neck (can't turn my head very well, either way I turn it causes pain on the right side).
I know it's most likely a very benign (or combination of benign) issue like straining my back muscles from breastfeeding and poor posture at work, and maybe my joints are starting to tighten up since we're weaning, but then I start to worry that it's something serious and go down that slippery slope.
Part of it is our life has been so amazing this past year that it's hard to believe we really get to have this fairy tale after everything we've been through. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, I haven't started obsessing about DDs health, and I definitely don't want to pass this anxiety on to her, but sometimes it's really tough to keep it under control.
I do have another appointment with the PCP scheduled for tomorrow, but I'm just wondering if any new moms also struggle with health anxiety? Any suggestions or tips on how to handle it?
Thanks,
Rebecca
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Re: Any other older new moms w/health anxiety?
To be honest, we ALL obsess a little bit over our child's health.. and our own. Especially those of us in our AMA years. Comes with the territory. So if you can remind yourself that some of this is NORMAL, it might put you a little more at ease.
Second point... there are things that are simply out of our control. If you're like me and kind of a control freak, that's a hard pill to swallow. Will your DD get sick? Sure. Will she fall down and break a bone? Probably sometime. Will it be stressful to you and your family? Of course. But at some point you have to decide to ride the wave and not worry so much about the fall on the backside, ya know?
If your insurance covers it, you might look into getting a little bit of a mental tune-up, in addition to the physical checkup. Just to rule out any post partum depression issues and help in coping with anxiety better.
And I'm not a particularly religious person, but when things get really stressful and I feel like I'm having trouble coping, prayer can give you a little solace and peace.
I think Brides Buddies said it very well. I know that I have a lot more anxious in general since DS was born and probably even more so about my health. I have an auto inflammatory disease, so I am always having a lot of aches and pains, then I start worrying that something else is terribly wrong.
I think having an LO, being older, and still trying to keep up with everything wears on our bodies a lot more than if we were in our 20's. Between all of the work and reduced sleep it just affects us more and our bodies respond with fatigue and aches and pains.
I agree with BB that you should get a full physical and mental health check up. A lot of people have needed some help dealing with their anxiety since their LOs have been born and there is nothing wrong with getting that help. The health check up will put your mind at ease that there is nothing seriously wrong. Please keep us updated and hang in there.
Yes. I have anxiety over issues like this BIG TIME! Cut yourself a little slack. I think it's very normal. Definitely talk to your provider. Also, do you exercise at all? It's pretty much the only thing that helps me keep my anxieties in check. I go to the gym and just pound it all out.
Also, I started having very similar pain to what you are describing right around the time my son was 8 months old. Anxiety along with bf'ing and posture problems can really do a number on our backs. I think we are also more susceptible to back problems after having kids. I certainly never had any problems before. Exercising and acupuncture have helped a lot.
I have similar issues. I've dealt with depression and anxiety issues before kids. I was able to do talk therapy and keep it under control. But since kids, the anxiety has just gotten overwhelming. I started on Zoloft around New Years. It's helped a lot.
Ive also started having a lot of back and neck pain from carrying around kids. It can get really bad. I did PT over the summer and they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core which frankly was wrecked from back to back pregnancies.
Hi - I really agree with what the other posters have said about getting a full check up, both physical and mental. It is just a good thing to do and something that us mothers often forget about even though we never forget our children's check ups. I, myself, am two years over due for a mammogram. However, when it comes to back and joint pain - you can just have something my doctor calls "Mommy Back". We hold children on our hip, we nurse, cradle phones and all of this throws our alignment out of whack. The right exercise, physical therapy, acupunture, chiropractics; they can all help. Good luck. Stay strong
Thank you all for your comments. You've definitely offered some good advice, and it does help to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
There are a few things your comments made me realize that I should have mentioned in my original post:
I do get regular physical health checkups (last full one was in May, several thyroid checkups since then due to having my thyroid surgically removed a few years ago, will be getting another full checkup for insurance reasons in a couple of months), and there is a therapist I've seen since miscarriage #4, which was the only one other than DD where we saw a heartbeat. We saw the heartbeat for 3 appointments in a row, and then when we lost that pregnancy (due to complete Turner's Syndrome), we didn't bounce back very well - more like we just hit bottom with a thud and stayed there. I made an appointment with the therapist last month to talk about my anxieties rearing their head, and she is helpful, so I will continue to see her as often as I can/need.
I've also taken an anti-depressant since a few months after miscarriage #4, and I'm still on that.
Overall, I'm actually doing pretty well with not having a lot of anxieties around DD. About a month ago, she fell back while kneeling. I knew she was totally okay (she fell slowly, she was only kneeling so didn't have far to go, and landed with her head on the soft foam play tiles we have for her, which sits on top of carpet) - it just scared her more than anything. As soon as she started to wail, I just reassured her in a very calm voice that she was okay, but I didn't go pick her up. (I was sitting a few feet away.) I could see the lightbulb moment where she realized, "Oh, hey, I am actually okay", and she started to calm down. I asked her to "come here", and she crawled over to me and was smiling by the time she got there. Since then, I've noticed that when she falls, she seems to take a moment to assess how much it hurts, and if it didn't really hurt, she just picks herself up and continues on.
(Please don't think I never comfort her when she's hurt, because of course I do - I just knew in that one particular situation that she was completely and totally okay, and so I wanted to react very calmly.)
She was also born with a PDA in her heart (which thankfully closed on its own) and pulmonary valve stenosis, which unfortunately did not resolve on its own, so at 9 weeks old she had to have a balloon inserted into her heart and an overnight stay in the PICU. She also has a 50/50 chance of having the same rare genetic heart condition that my DH and his dad have, and if her cardiologists can't determine whether she has it in the next several years, at age 8 or 9 they will want to take her into the cath lab and give her medicine to stop her heart (yes, I know - thinking about it is enough to stop mine!) to determine whether she has it. It's a tricky condition that even if you know you're at risk for it, it doesn't always show up on tests, and if you don't know you're at risk for it, the first symptom is typically sudden cardiac death, usually in the middle of the night. So I was very nervous her first few months, but all of her doctors have reassured me that it's incredibly rare for a person with this condition to have sudden cardiac death before their 20s.
So given all of her cardiac stuff, I'm actually a lot less anxious than I expected to be.
An update on my aches and pains - I saw my PCP yesterday morning. He's a DO instead of an MD, so he does osteopathic manipulation (kind of like a chiropractor, I think - I've never been to a chiropractor). He felt my back and said my muscles were really tight on the right side, so he did some manipulations to get my spine back in alignment, and since then I've been able to turn my head without very much pain. I still have a little bit of soreness, but that could be from all the massages I've made DH give me the last few days. I've been trying to do some stretching exercises for my neck and upper back every few hours since then, and so far that seems to be keeping me from getting too tight again.
For the hip, he said it sounds like a mild case of bursitis, and that when your back and neck is out of alignment, it throws off your hips as well. Essentially, he said I need to find ways to manage my stress better and to exercise, so I've got to find a way to fit that in.
Anyway, thanks again for all of the support. It is a huge comfort!
Rebecca