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? for the BM's....

sweetdreamz6700sweetdreamz6700 member
in Blended Families

Weird I know. SS (10)  wants to help with the wedding planning and has mentioned wanting to help me pick out my dress numerous times. He;ll see one on TV or in a magazine and point them out to me. Its kinda cute and the lil dude actually has good taste ;)

 I was thinking about bringing him to an appointment with me. It would be on a weekend during our normal visitation. I'm not close with any women up here and FI won't go so in all reality I'll be picking out my dress on my own anyway. But company is always nice to have around :)

 Would you be mad/upset/insert other emotion if your son's/daughter's soon to be step-mom took him wedding dress shopping?

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Re: ? for the BM's....

  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    If he requested to go, I wouldn't have a problem.  When I got remarried my DS kept calling it "Our Wedding" and had a sigh of relief when we got within 3 weeks of the wedding b/c then he knew David Tutera wouldn't show up and change our wedding.  He was about 11 at the time.

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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    I would actually be happy that you were trying to include my son. So many women forget that by marrying a man with children its a package deal. I would be pleased, and I think it will help SS feel included.

    Also, I think it says a lot that you are thinking into this and trying not to step on the Moms toes. Having respect for the bio parents feelings is awesome, and something that a lot of people lack.
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    SS didn't pick out my dress but he was super excited on the day to be the 'only boy' allowed in my room and to see it before everyone else.

    We got married abroad and my mom and DH parents rented apartments on the beach beside each other.  Thats where we got ready and SS loved his role of keeping watch so that our paths wouldn't cross before the church.

    He brough me a letter on the morning that he and DH wrote to me.  He had breakfast with DH family and lunch with mine and was able to run back and forth and had a blast.

    So nice to give kids free reign if they are happy to be involved.  Go for it!

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    imageSimpleJane:
    I would actually be happy that you were trying to include my son. So many women forget that by marrying a man with children its a package deal. I would be pleased, and I think it will help SS feel included. Also, I think it says a lot that you are thinking into this and trying not to step on the Moms toes. Having respect for the bio parents feelings is awesome, and something that a lot of people lack.

    Agree!

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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imageSimpleJane:
    I would actually be happy that you were trying to include my son. So many women forget that by marrying a man with children its a package deal. I would be pleased, and I think it will help SS feel included. Also, I think it says a lot that you are thinking into this and trying not to step on the Moms toes. Having respect for the bio parents feelings is awesome, and something that a lot of people lack.
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imageSimpleJane:
    I would actually be happy that you were trying to include my son. So many women forget that by marrying a man with children its a package deal. I would be pleased, and I think it will help SS feel included. Also, I think it says a lot that you are thinking into this and trying not to step on the Moms toes. Having respect for the bio parents feelings is awesome, and something that a lot of people lack.
      SS wasnt at all interested in the fashion of the wedding (except for when we noticed him and his dad matched 100%) but I did include him in other aspects of the day. We had a sand ceremony bringing us together as a family and mentioning this was about the three of us, not just DH and SM. He also went along for the food tasting and had fun helping us pick out menu choices. When the big day actually did come BM was great in telling him to have fun, smile for the pictures and make sure not too get too dirty in his suit. Overall, I think she can see that SS is important to me and I am not trying to push him out of the family that DH and I are creating.

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageSimpleJane:

     Also, I think it says a lot that you are thinking into this and trying not to step on the Moms toes. Having respect for the bio parents feelings is awesome, and something that a lot of people lack.

    Agreed, but with one disclaimer: There are just some bio-parents you cannot please and trying to take their feelings into consideration will be a neverending mess. Example:  my kids and K were really involved in the wedding planning.  DD and K came to my Bridal Shower, came with me for my dress fittings and loved helping me pick out flowers and different things for the wedding.  At first BM was totally onboard with K being involved, but then completely changed her tune when she realized the wedding was in fact going to happen.  DH wasn't going to back down though because K is his daughter also, K was excited and wanted to be involved and he wanted her to be involved.

    As a BM, I wish DC had included the kids in some of the planning.  Hell, I wish the kids had been present at the wedding.  They had so much fun helping to plan my weding and being part of the wedding party.  When they found out DC got married and didn't include them, they were crushed.  I think it would have been so beneficial for the kids to be a part of their father's wedding.  Think of how much better their relationship would be with him if he had made them feel like an important part of his new marriage?

     I think BMs and BDs need to realize that they are sharing these children.  Both parents are going to want their children to be involved in the wedding, and should extend each other the courtesy of allowing it.  If the child(ren) have expressed they want to go dress shopping or pick flowers or help stamping envelopes, then both parents need to put their egos aside and let the kids be involved.

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  • sweetdreamz6700sweetdreamz6700 member

    Thanks for all the great replies everyone! :)

    Both SS's (8 and 10) are excited about the wedding. The youngest claimed ring bearer the day after we got engaged. And the oldest has been asking for a special job in the wedding itself (finally figured one out; he's carrying a sign saying "Daddy here comes your girl" right before I walk down the aisle which is a surprise for FI). He asked to look at the ceremony/reception location once we booked it. He's beyond excited!

     I'll definitely ask BM before hand to make sure she is comfortable with the idea. It can go either way, ya know? Thankfully we have a decent-good relationship, IMO. We aren't BFF's or anything but small talk at pick ups, sit near eachother at various events and no major disagreements b/t her and FI. It will be a nice experience to share so long as everyone is up for it :D 

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  • caden1206caden1206 member
    I wouldn't have a problem at all.  You kind of hope your kids wants to be involved with the SM.  I would ask the BM or get your fianc? to ask for the additional time.  If you think she will have a problem with what the extra time is for, then maybe not even mention it.  Honestly, you picking out your wedding dress is your business and I wouldn't want to be involved.  Good luck and I hope it is pretty. 
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