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C-sections
Moira711
member
Anyone with the c-section blues?
Moira711
member
in C-sections
Cross post from February 2013 board...
Is anyone else who had an unexpected or emergency c-section finding themselves with a case of the c-section blues?
As I described in Rory's birth story , because his heart rate kept dropping, we ended up having to have an emergency c-section instead of the beautiful natural birth i'd planned for and already spent 12 hours laboring through. I know I don't have the baby blues nor PPD, but I do find myself thinking a lot about the c-section, it's hard not to given the pain and incision on your crotch. The rational person in me knows it was for the best and I am just happy to have a healthy and safe baby. I can't get enough of LO, and am so filled with joy when I hold him, look at him, talk about him or even just think about him! However, another part of me can't stop thinking about the events leading up to, durring and after the c-section and whether I or someone else could have done anything to prevent the resulting c-section. Once Rory was delivered, it was found that had Asynclitism, which is where the baby's head is down, but kinked to one side. I waited nearly a whole week after his birth, but tonight i finally googled Asynclitism to see if i could potentially find some answers. From what I read, Asynclitism can often delay or completely stall progression because the baby gets stuck high up in the pelvis due to the position of his head. This might explain why I only progressed a half cm in the12 hours I was in labor. I also read that it can often be caused when mom has an asymmetrical, or crooked, pelvis "so the head gets tipped as it is pressed down with strong contractions on the uneven edges of the opening to the pelvic floor." as it happens, I do have an asymmetrical pelvis because one of my legs is an inch longer than the other, so half of my body is crooked. I've see a chiropractor for this off and on over the years, and ithaca always helped a lot. I saw the chiropractor once,durring my 3rd trimester, and she was working on this area. She recommended sevelral more adjustments, which I never made appointments for because first I got abad cold, then I was just too exhausted and I didn't want to use any more leave time for the appointments, because I wanted to save it all for once LO arrived. Now a little part of me worries that this all could have been avoided had I just gone to the damn chiropractor! Tonight I also opened up about this to DH, just the fact that I'm starting to grieve a little bit over the loss of Rory's natural birth and that I fear that I may have been able top recent it. I know not to dwell on any of this, but I also feel like I need to go through the grieving prosess if I ever want to move on from it. DH's reaction was to just yell at me and say he was going to have nothing to do with this silly talk and that I just need to move on. Which of course just made the situation worse. DH doesn't do well with these things. I've battled major depression in the past and have worked with people with majors mental health issues, however DH has no experience, be it 1st hand or 2nd hand, and just doesn't understand that yelling at someone who is struggling with something, be it big or small, does nothing but make it worse. He can also be a little emotionally detached in general, so that doesn't help things either. I just with that this subject in particular was something I could actually open up to DH about, but apparently not!Also, we do have an ICAN group at the local birthing center. I've spoken to others locally, who highly recommend that group, so I look forward to that too. Sorry, that post got longer than expected, but has anyone else out there struggled with the c-section blues and what was/is your experience?This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone with the c-section blues?
Yep, I had an unplanned c/s with DS1. He was OP, and I ended up pushing for 4+ hours before the c/s. He was also unexpectedly hospitalized after his birth, so the combination of two less-than-ideal situations were really, really hard to deal with it. Honestly, I was a mess for a few months after his birth, and blamed myself for the c/s for a long time. It took me about a year to be able to let go and deal with what had happened.
I saw a counselor who specialized in postpartum issues with women, and it was sort of helpful. If you have a history of depression, I would definitely stay attuned to your mood. And check out that local ICAN group! hth and hang in there.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I was at first. I felt like I couldn't do what everyone said "my body was made to do". I had a hard time with that and with comments from people like I didn't actually give birth or "at least it was easy". I would go over every moment of my labor and try to think of what I didn't try, or what I should have done. On top of that I had major healing issues from the surgery for many weeks.
I eventually decided I was going to be done with the over thinking and to stop thinking of it as my birth experience. I decided it was DDs birth experience and however she needed to come into the world safely was going to be ok with me. It helped me let go of what I had hoped for and let me focus on the great baby I have. It took me a while, hang in there! I think it takes time, time and more time.
Some moms are so selfish.
Get over yourself.
Did Aliens deliver your child? Did Robots?
Your child came from the body that carried it for 9 months. No one died, that's pretty damn natural.
If youre going to waste time grieving over anything, grieve the loss of your selfishness bc being a parent means your childs safety is priority.
You lost Nothing. You gained a child.
Be thankful.
Proud Mommy to: Boy-1995/Boy-1998/Girl-2003/Boy-2004/Girl-2011/ Fraternal twin girls-2013
I too had trouble coming to grips with my unplanned C-section, but I don't think it was because of the c-section itself. I think it took awhile to get over the emotional trauma of the whole thing. One minute I am breathing through contractions. The next there are literally 10 doctors and nurses in my room because the baby's heart stopped. I didn't even have time to pee or process my thoughts as they wheeled me to get my c-section. (Not being allowed to get up and pee made me lose it for some odd reason and it all went downhill from there.) My spinal didn't work. They wouldn't let DH in the room. I was put under general. Cord was wrapped a few times, but I got a beautiful, healthy baby girl out of the deal.
It took a long time for me to process everything that happened in that quick amount of time. I couldn't even think about the birth experience without a panic. Not because DD was cut out, but because I could have lost her.
Have you considered other feelings like this to be the reason you may be truly grieving after an unplanned c-section?
OP, please take the core message of the douchebag PP, not how harsh her tone is.
First off, I am so sorry you're dealing with these feelings. It is hard. I do want to encourage you to pursue the group you mentioned, and possibly a few sessions with a counselor as well. Your feelings are completely valid, simply because you're feeling them. If you just shove them aside and ignore them, they'll always be there eating away at you and never be resolved.
As far as your birth experience, It is unfortunate you didn't get what you expected. It can be somewhat jarring when you go in thinking you will have one thing, and end up with something at the far end of the spectrum.
That being said, please realize that a c-section is a completely valid birth experience. The fact that your baby came out your belly instead of your vagina does not lessen your status as a mother. We c-section ladies are just as much mothers as those who pushed a baby out with no meds.
Side note: I agree that "mommy wars" are ridiculous. You do what is best for you and your family. Period. And that includs getting yourself help to come to terms with your c-section.
After 7 years of no ovulation...
BFP#1 10/24/11 ~ EDD 6/29/12 ~ Natural m/c 11/2/11
BFP#2 2/3/12 ~ Alice born 9/26/12
I definitely felt a sense of let down after my unplanned c/s, but more because after my daughter was born was nothing like I'd imagined it'd be (barely saw her in the OR, didn't hold/meet/nurse her til about one hour afterwards, longer hospital stay, etc). The actual birth I was ok with, because I would have needed forceps and that scared the crap out of me for whatever reason (still does). But, I think after the initial few weeks this all mattered less and less. Now that she's two, I remember her birth as a happy memory and do not have any regret.
With this one, I had a few weeks of feeling bad that I was deciding on RCS vs vbac, but its getting better as its getting closer. The more I thought about it the thing I would have changed the most is trying to hold or at least get a better look at DD before they whisked her away, so I'm hoping to discuss this with my doc and assuming baby is stable maybe it will happen.
I do agree with the others that I wish people weren't so outspoken about c/s vs vaginal delivery. There's definitely no easy way out and some of the people who I know IRL who are quite opinionated on this issue have never even given birth themselves...
I'm not going to quote the jerk response above only to say that telling another mother how she should feel about her child's birth is pretty crappy.
I had an emergency c/s due to HELLP and I had a lot of issues recovering from that traumatic experience. I don't know if it was the c/s aspect of it as much as it was the fear associated with having such a serious health issue, concerns for my own welfare, and that of my child. It was also difficult for me to accept that I was not able to be awake for the birth of my son. I had to have my c/s under general anesthesia because my blood wasn't clotting enough for a spinal to be safe. I beat myself up a lot over the fact that I wasn't well enough to care for my son the first days of his life. It was not at all the introduction to motherhood that I expected. I dealt with a lot of emotions of feeling like my body had failed me and my son because he had to be born earlier than he was ready. And regret that I wasn't able to really be there for him in those early days of his life.
I didn't see a therapist until he was about a year old. I am glad that I did because I was able to work through a lot of those issues. The last thing I wanted anyone to tell me was how lucky I was that nothing worse happened. And I did have people tell me that because my son was healthy I had no reason to complain. Those comments are so counterproductive.
I would try to explain to your H about why these things matter to you. I would suggest sharing with him some blogs or c/s books that articulate your feelings. I found it very helpful to know that it wasn't just me having these feelings after the birth of my son. It also took me a while to explain to my H how I felt. In part this was because it took me a while to figure out my own feelings on what had happened.
Of course you are happy that your baby is healthy. That's not the issue. Just because other people have had worse experiences than you, that doesn't invalidate your feelings. I hope you can talk to some other understanding people and work through these issues. It is a process and grief is a part of it.
I don't think anyone should feel scared to say that they feel bad about they way their birth went, even if it turned out well in that their child was born healthy. The whole process is scarey (natural or whatever). During the whole process your life is on the line and your child's life on the line and a lot happens quickly, or slowly and painfully, and in the end we are all full to the brim of hormones. Geeze. Can we please cut each other a break!
I had c-section blues and I was really surprised b/c i was NOT all into the idea of "natural birth is beautiful". I don't mind people who think that way (unless they get in my face and tell me how I should behave), but I didn't think that way at all.
But when my csection happened b/c of a series of events after 17 hours of labor...I really started to rethink, and "monday morning quaterback" that whole scenario a lot b/c I am not sure that all other doctors would have gone the route my dr. recommended at that moment, and I'm not sure that I was making rational decisions then either.
However, over time, I came to the rational minded realization that it doesn't matter, and rethinking everyhting my doctor and I did leading up to the c section is not helpful. It's actually not even logical b/c it's impossible to say that if you had done X or Y differently that it would have made any positive difference at all.
What matters, and I think we all agree on this, is that my child and your child were born healthy and safe and we moms got through the procedure alive and well.
I am actually expecting another child in november, and I am expecting to do a csection again (not a vbac). And I am ok with that. Really ok with that, it's my preference due to what I understand the risks of vbac to be (not knocking vbac either for those that want it).
So all this to say: 1) that it does get better.
2) You didn't cause the csection, stuff (lots of stuff) happened and a csection was the mechanism by whitch your child was born healthy. Good!
3) you don't need to feel bad about feeling bad.
I definitely had the blues afterwards (which turned into PPD, but there were a lot of other factors).
I had a true emergency c-section - meaning that there wasn't time to truly prep for it, they decided on the c-section and got DS out in 10 minutes. I was under general anesthesia for the surgery, and didn't get to even meet DS until 4 hours after he was born.
It takes some time to reconcile what your imagined birth experience would be with what actually happened in some cases. It took me a while to really and truly appreciate the miracle I was given by having a perfectly healthy little boy, despite the traumatic birth we had. The situation could have been VERY different had I been given a choice.
Give yourself some time, and those feelings will change, especially as you watch your LO grow. It doesn't really matter how they were born, only that you try to be the best parent you can be. The birth experience is really such a small, small part of parenting.
Thank God for C-sections! I swear I'm not trying to be funny when I say this. Just think if we had no other option but vaginal birth regardless of the outcome.... I had an unplanned c-section too after 24 hours of labor. I stopped progressing at 7cm, the baby's heart rate dipped twice. When the doctors suggested a c-section I did not hesitate because I was concerned about the baby. My response to them was...anything you can do to get this baby out safely. That was my only concern. I don't even want to think about what would or could have happened if a c-section wasn't an option.
Because of our ages, DH and I decided that we would be one and done. This was my first baby and my last as I also received a tubal ligation after the c-section. So I will never give birth vaginally. But my baby is here safe and sound and I am grateful.
You are no less than a woman or mother simply because you didn't have a vaginal birth. You carried that baby for 9 months. YOU DID! You are definitely a mother and a damn good one when you know that you will do anything to protect your LO. If that means having a c-section as opposed to vaginal....you do what you have to do. You have nothing to prove to any other mother or woman.