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VBAC
Intro and doula advice needed
Hello all,
I'm pregnant with my second - 15 weeks now - and I'm very committed to attempting a VBAC this time around. With my first pregnancy I felt that I was in a baby factory: my doctors barely knew me, and made me feel uncomfortable asking questions. I remember after every appointment wanting to scream "I know this is all standard issue to you, but hello I've never done this before!"
And I think that my c-section story was super typical: I was induced but never dilated. Although maybe less typical: my doctor actually told me I had a "bad cervix", and she "hated my cervix". so that was nice - is that supposed to be encouragement? Anyway - it turned out that my baby was caught on my hip bone so though she seemed head down she could never drop. I've switched to a midwife practice and they have been AWESOME so far and so supportive of my goals this time around. They've also told me that I wont' be induced because of the increased risk, which is a big relief to me- i'd like my body to do this on its own or not at all.
I know that as much as I can complain about my prior doctors' actions, I didn't do much to help myself either. I never did any prep beyond the standard hospital class, I didn't investigate hypnobirthing or Bradley. I just assumed everything would be fine. I'm trying to be more proactive this time. And I'm aware of my tendency to have anxiety issues, so I'm considering hiring a doula so that she can assure me that no my uterus is not rupturing- that's just a painful contraction. And to just help me remain hopeful during this pregnancy. So i was wondering if anyone had any recommendations on what to look for in a doula? How do you interview them and get a sense for who would be right for you? very few of my friends have used them, so i'd love any input from you ladies.
thanks if you read all the way through my long-windesdness!
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Re: Intro and doula advice needed
For a doula, I would look for someone who has experience, especially with VBAC. Talk to them about your first birth and ask them how they can help you this time around. If they are knowledgeable and experienced, it should come through in their answers. You want someone who listens to you and seems interested in you and is not going to push their own ideology on you. You also want someone you feel relatively at ease withthis is someone who will be part of one of the most important days of your life, not to mention seeing you naked. If you search online for questions to ask doulas, you should get some good tips. DONA's website has some good guidelines. HTH!
We loved our doula for my first birth. She was so helpful even though in the end I wound up having to have a c-section. My husband and I liked her from the moment we met her. We did an interview/consult at our house initially where she talked about her philosphy, experience (including her own births), what she would/could do for us.
She came from a group of Doulas that was recommended to us by our Midwife practice so we knew she was knowledgeable. The biggest things for us was it just felt right. From the first time we met her we just felt like she was one of our best friends and we felt totally comfortable with her. Her goal was to support and help us reach our goal in any way we chose to do reach it.
Our parents and sbilings didn't understand why we wanted to hire a doula at all, but after seeing her in action during our failed 48hr labor/induciton and after my c-section they made her an honorary family member
I know this isn't that helpful. I could tell you to check out her credentials, birth philosphy, and experience and maybe ask to talk with a few of her past clients and ask how she handles VBAC patients (if an different than non VBAC patients) and all of those are good things to do. But in reality, it comes down to does their personality and yours work together? do you communicate well with eachother? does your husband feel it is a good fit for him too? when you think of your birth are you excited thinking about her being there to support you? I feel like those are the really important questions to ask yourself.
We found our doula at an event that a doula organization held to talk about doulas and what they do for expectant parents...kind of an open-house meeting at our hospital. If you can find something like this it is a great opportunity to meet and talk with a number of doulas in your area at the same time and then find a couple you might be interested in doing formal interviews with after feeling out their personalities a bit.
Best of luck with your search.
You sound so much like me. My first OB told me my cervix was "B-A-D." (Seriously, she spelled it.) I told her it sure seemed pretty great because it held my baby in for over 40 weeks. I'd rather have it be "bad" for not opening than have it be "bad" for not staying shut.
I also put a lot of blame on myself for not preparing more the first time around.
Anyway, hiring a doula was one of the best choices I made. I chose a doula who was recommended to me by my MW. Both my MW and my doula had VBACs themselves, which is partially why I chose both of them. While my MW didn't attend to me while I was in labor, she was with me my whole pregnancy and I really loved being surrounded by VBAC mamas so much.
Anyway, my biggest thing was that I felt comfortable with her and that my H felt comfortable with her. I ended up having a very long labor and delivery with my VBAC baby, so she was around A LOT. So just remember that this is someone who is going to see you at an intimate time and will possibly be around you a lot.
I personally wasn't so much into needing a VBAC experienced doula though as I only had 3 doulas in my area who were willing to see me and none of them had VBAC experience but if you can find one with it that would be another plus.
We chose our doula on her experience, the fact she allows only one client a month...the other had 2 to 3 clients a month and did a weird rotating schedule... and our comfort level. We get along great with our doula. We spent over 2 hours with her at our initial meeting just chatting away about everything and laughing because we meshed well. My husband likes her and feels comfortable with her too which was super important to me because I know that means he will be more active during labor and delivery then versus with someone who he doesn't feel totally comfortable with.