How did you know?

fallenstarz711 · March 2013

I've been a long time lurker as DH and I try to decide our plan. We are thinking of adoption...probably not for a few years as we have some IVF debt to pay off. I guess I'm just not sure if I would be a good parent. I am not the most patient person and usually when our nieces go home I am so ready for them to leave.

I guess I am asking...how did you know you were ready to adopt and do you ever have days when you question your parenting ability? Not sure if these are normal feelings or something I need to look into before making a plan.

LIQueen · March 2013

fallenstarz711:
I've been a long time lurker as DH and I try to decide our plan. We are thinking of adoption...probably not for a few years as we have some IVF debt to pay off. I guess I'm just not sure if I would be a good parent. I am not the most patient person and usually when our nieces go home I am so ready for them to leave.

I guess I am asking...how did you know you were ready to adopt and do you ever have days when you question your parenting ability? Not sure if these are normal feelings or something I need to look into before making a plan.

I am a little confused as to why you are asking this type of question after trying for kids naturally and doing infertility. If you had these issues with children and not being sure...wouldn't you of figured this out before trying to have children? I don't think anyone can help you with this. You either want a child or you don't. You can have normal nervousness, but you kinda seem like you are on the fence.

Allie-Jo · March 2013

I grew up KNOWING I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Other people knew they wanted to be a lawyer or doctor, I had no concrete idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I knew I wanted to be a mom. I have doubted it a few times, like when we went through IF. I thought maybe God was trying to tell me I wasn't suppose to be a mom or that I wasn't ready to be a mom. But it was usually short lived. I want this so bad, I'm not scared anymore, because not being a mom scares me more.

Dr.Loretta · March 2013

I knew I wanted to adopt because I wanted to be a mom, and realized a child didn't have to come out of me for that to happen.

That said, until a year or 2 before we adopted, kids didn't seem to like me. I definitely wasn't a baby-whisperer, LOL.

I have a 3yo. I question my parenting ability almost daily.

Why aren't you sure you'd be a good parent? Is it the patience thing? Is it because your nieces make you exhausted (because, welcome to parenthood)? Is it something deeper? IMO there's nothing wrong with exploring your feelings with a professional and finding out if they're normal or a sign of something deeper.

mtendere · March 2013

Maybe I shouldn't answer here because I do have a biological child but can't have more. But I've been having some serious second thoughts about starting the adoption process see "cold feet" below. We also went through minimal IF treatments and had all of the proper discussions before trying for a second, but beginning the adoption process has made us go through the whole process again. Some of the questions are the same ones we asked ourselves before we started trying and some are different.

As I've thought about it, I think it comes from the need to acknowledge that building a family through adoption is really different from building a family biologically in some important ways. Trying to wrap your brain around that is tough, but necessary. Having a child this way will be a vastly different experience and as I research everything involved, that realization is what prompts revisiting the old questions again. I think I started down the adoption road because, well, that's where we were in the process
can't have biological kids, so we adopt. Learning about the realities of what that looks like is a little overwhelming and takes some time to process.

We're still in the questioning phase and aren't likely to start a formal process until at least summer time if we decide to move forward, so I don't have an answer for you, but I would encourage you to not be afraid of the questions. Explore them, live with them. I don't think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent and there are always doubts, and I also don't think you have to be a parent to live a full and happy life, but ultimately only you can know what the right path is for your family.

I'm sorry you are in this boat. IF is just not fair.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

lizlemon2 · March 2013

We had doubts. I think a lot of parents do. Kids will test your patience, they will wear you out. To me, it is very worth it. I think most people rise to the occasion.

Only you will know if parenting if something right for you. You will prepare as much as you can, and deal with things as they come up. Just don't think you need to be a saint or be perfect.

fallenstarz711 · March 2013

Thank you all for your input. It is greatly appreciated! I think a lot of my nervousness comes from the unknown. I do think that infertility does mess with your head.. I will continue to lurk on this board,I like to follow everyone's journeys.

Want a personalized experience?

How did you know?

Re: How did you know?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards