Bittersweet News

ashleymarie512 · March 2013

Today after passing a small clot of brown blood, I called the dr who told me to come in just to ease my fears. We heard baby a's heart beat loud and strong at 170bpm. She kept looking and looking and finally found baby b, but without a heartbeat. It was measuring the same as last ultrasound. I was of course upset, but then felt guilty for feeling so sad and disappointed when I still have a strong, growing baby. We were even released to the regular OB. We are trying to focus on the positive, but it still sucks. Anyone else out there that has had this? How did you handle the conflicting emotions?

new+tothis · March 2013

How far along are you?

I'm 10 weeks today. I lost one twin at 7 1/2 weeks. We had several good ultrasounds and great heart rates. Nothing changed. I went in for another routine ultrasound and baby b had passed away. I've definitely had to deal with conflicting emotions. I should be happy because I'm still pregnant but I'm not sure I am. It hurts but it's hard to grieve while still trying to help baby a hold on. I've just been taking it day by day.

It hurts and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It doesn't make it hurt any less to lose one twin but still be pregnant. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ::hugs::

notquiteblushing · March 2013

I'm so sorry.

ashleymarie512 · March 2013

newtothis:
How far along are you?I'm 10 weeks today. I lost one twin at 7 1/2 weeks. We had several good ultrasounds and great heart rates. Nothing changed. I went in for another routine ultrasound andnbsp; baby b had passed away. I've definitely had to deal with conflicting emotions. I should be happy because I'm still pregnant but I'm not sure I am. It hurts but it's hard to grieve while still trying to help baby a hold on. I've just been taking it day by day. It hurts and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It doesn't make it hurt any less to lose one twin but still be pregnant. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ::hugs::

Thank you for the thoughts. I am 9w1d and it looks like we lost baby b around 7 weeks. It just increases anxiety to tell any more family because it was so hard to "untell" people about the twins. I appreciate your words, thank you.

LaineyPaney · March 2013

I'm so sorry.
I think it's both normal and healthy to grieve the loss of this baby. Your hearts and minds already made room and plans for this child. Allow yourself both the sadness for the loss, as well as the happiness that you experience knowing that one baby seems to be thriving. Such an odd coupling of emotions....

Again, I'm so sorry...

CousinVicki · March 2013

firstly, i am so sorry! i am going through the same thing (well, the possibility of it), and i am already feeling conflicted about a lot of things, and how i will feel if this happens. It's totally normal, and ok to be sad. this is definitely a roller coaster of emotions. =(

new+tothis · March 2013

It sounds like we had just about the same thing happen. We found out a little over 8 weeks. It was really painful to untell people about the twins. I've had some complications with bleeding that make me really nervous about the remaining baby. I ended up announcing our loss on FB because it was too painful to keep telling people individually. That way I could tell people without having to be involved directly in it. I've been pretty anti-social since then. It is getting a little bit better but honestly I'm still scared half to death that I'll miscarry again.

The best advice I can give you is what my BFF said to me when I told her.... just let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling. I wouldn't wish this on anyone in the world. My thoughts are with you and your family.

jessica_gail2 · March 2013

I'm so sorry. Definitely take the time to grieve Baby B. That doesn't have to mean you're not excited about baby a, it just gives you the time you need to grieve as you need to. Thoughts and prayers for you!

KdgTeacher · March 2013

We had a vanishing twin confirmed at just over 10 weeks. Bittersweet is a good description of the emotions.

Hang in there ((((hugs))))

wendydances · March 2013

jessica_gail2:
I'm so sorry. Definitely take the time to grieve Baby B. That doesn't have to mean you're not excited about baby a, it just gives you the time you need to grieve as you need to. Thoughts and prayers for you!

This! Big hugs to you!

ksfrye · March 2013

I'm so sorry...

TrixieGirl82 · March 2013

I am so sorry

Unfortunatly the same thing happened to us. We lost our baby B at 9 weeks (based on the measurements) but we found out at 10 weeks. I was a mess after this happened. Feeling guilty for being sad, and trying to be happy one was still ok. The conflicting emotions were horrible. And I was to scared to even be excited about still being pregnant. I didnt want to get my hopes up. I ended up talking to my neurologist's NP about it bc I was there for a routine appointment to monitor my Epilepsy, and she knew something was up with me emotionally. She had been through IVF but had a lost both of her twins so it was a little different, but she kinda knew how I was feeling. She told me its ok to be sad for my baby B. A loss is a loss even though you are still pregnant with one. She said I really had to focus my attention on Baby A. I needed to be healthy for that one. She reminded me that my baby A was a twin-and still is a twin, even though the other didn't survive. She said our baby doesn't only have me and my husband to love it, but also its twin. And it now has an angel to watch over it. I hope that gives you a little comfort-it did for me, bc so many people seemed to just blow it off and act like I shouldn't hurt emotionally bc I was still pregnant with one. The RE told me baby B will probably shrink, re-absorb and dissapear, but at 15 weeks it is still showing up measuring the same at all the ultrasounds. It use to freak me out, but now when I see it I know my baby A has a little angel in there with her. Hang in there-Its not easy, I still cry when I think about it too much, but remember it is ok to grieve, it doesnt mean you love your healthy baby any less. (((hugs)))

eroplane · March 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. It is really a conflicted feeling. When William passed, I remember being so mad at Summer that she was here and he wasn't. Then I felt guilty for having those feelings. I believe they are normal but that doesn't make it any easier. Take time to mourn for your little one. Big hugs to you.

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