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August 2011 Moms
NativeFloridian
member
General update...
NativeFloridian
member
...In case any of you are still interested, lol.
First, ex. I can't even be very angry with him anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that his priorities are completely out of order. He messaged me to say he can't take DD2 for any overnights this month but can do day visits. I reminded him that because my job hasn't released enough hours for its employees I'm essentially out of work and I'm counting on the portion of his refund he promised me to get my car on the road (insurance lapsed, tag expired on my birthday - it's a hot mess). I reminded him because I got the sense he forgot I can't go anywhere and he needs to come here. His vague answer was that we'd get it all worked out.
When he messaged me today it was to talk all about how he went out to the beaches and went surfing with his friend, and rode a wave to shore on his first try, etc, etc, etc. The beaches are the same distance from him that we are. PLUS DD2 and I were already out of the house, even closer to him. No day visit was mentioned. I also asked him about the status of his refund. He hasn't checked on it, fed me some BS about the status checker not posting on Sundays (it does too) and that "we'll figure it out." When I started talking about how I feel like it's crunch time for getting stuff for the baby and that I'm really counting on him, he suddenly had to go and signed off quickly.
This had better not be the start of him trying to get out of his promises and responsibilities, because if it is I think he'll find I'm not an easy woman to shake off. My priorities are the children and I WILL hold him to his responsibility for them.
Now, Guy Friend. Not a whole lot to report, other than that I like him. Like, a lot. Also, unbeknownst to me until a few days ago, he has had plans for some time to return to FL within the year. I'd be a dirty liar if I said I'm not excited about that.
// I love you too. //
This discussion has been closed.
Re: General update...
I'm sorry your ex is being so flaky. Though from everything you've told us about him, that doesn't exactly sound out of character for him.
The guy friend news is interesting, to say the least (in a good way, too!
)
Can't take his kid overnight for a month??? That's some bullshiit right there.
Does he plan on being in the delivery room with you?
Does he seem excited at all about new baby?
Does he not realize that in the very near future he will have 3 kids to feed?
Doesn't surfing or whatever the fluck he was doing cost money? I'm glad he got to experience new and exciting things. Selfish.
Okay, apparently I wasn't done.....
His actions make me livid. Time to lay the smack down. And make sure you save EVERY message wherein you discuss him promising you the tax money. Clearly you need a paper trail.
I'm not sure if he's got the money and not telling me, or if he's just not taking the responsibility to check every day to see when he'll get it, but it's like me asking for an ETA is bugging him. Which, I don't care because I need it in a bad way.
2 kids, technically, because DD1 isn't his, but still. I don't think he thinks it's such a big deal with be so concerned with other things. Like, he makes time for his kids when he doesn't have anything else on the agenda, I guess he just doesn't see why he should have to give things up to make time for them. Like, decline an invitation to the beach because he should spend the gas money going to see his kid.
No, he doesn't really seem excited about the new baby. He says he is when we message, that he can't wait until he's here and stuff, but it's usually in passing whereas he'll go on and on and on about stupid sh!t like how much David Spade sucks or how much he hates his coworkers. I don't think he really feels a deep sense of excitement. I don't think he did with DD1 either.
Honestly, it becomes clearer every day that he never wanted the family situation. Plain and simple. He pretended he did. He may have even liked the idea for a short time. But he got tired of it quickly, and now he just wants to do his thing. He honestly doesn't see what's so bad about running around all the time and constantly being somewhere with someone. He doesn't realize how much money he's throwing down the drain just in gas and drive-through food alone. He doesn't make the connection between driving to a friend's house VS. driving to see DD2 like I do. I see it as a missed opportunity. He sees it as, he's gone to a friend's house and he can still see DD2 another time.
ETA: I guess I wasn't done either, lol.
I wanted to add this. I could be wrong, but to me a real dedication to your family is making plans with them first and everything else second. Actually wanting to seize every opportunity to see your kids. Not making excuses, not wasting money first and then wondering how you're going to make it for a visit. They come FIRST. Before any plans with friends or concerts or beach days. And to me, if that's not how you feel then your priorities are out of order. And it's looking to me like his are.
// I love you too. //
Could he be anymore selfish? He has TWO kids! And he thinks he's cool or something because he went surfing with his friend. Clearly, he didn't think that through, because he could have been hanging out with his daughter, who is going to be grown up in no time.
And, I'm excited for you! I really hope things work out between you and new dude!
Maybe someday he'll wake up, you know? Maybe. He's just an overgrown kid, really. He just doesn't get it. Maybe he will after they're grown and he realizes how much he missed out on. All my anger with him anymore is on the kids' behalf. Well, that and now I'm wondering if I'm going to have to struggle to get him to be as responsible as he promised to be in mediation.
And I'm excited about Guy Friend too. So far so good, he's a really great guy and getting to know him better has been super. It will be nice to get some face time with him again, and the best part is that he doesn't mind how or when or under what circumstances - he gets that I have kids, he's not worried about it at all and is totally willing to include them when we hang out. He's actually met them before, as we used to run in the same circle and ended up hanging out now and then back when I was dating ex, and before he moved to VA. DD1 loved playing with him - he's really great with kids.
// I love you too. //
All of this makes me SO happy for you! Especially, the "great with kids" part! I REALLY hope this works out for all of you.
I'd be up his ass with a lawyer already. But, I'm sure you've got everything under control.
I know his type. I dated one right before I met Jay. He had his ish together professionally, but on a personal level. Well, he was a black hole. Any and all things were about him or they just didn't exist -- they all just got washed away in this black hole of HIM HIM HIM.
It was almost laughable because dude was nearly 30 years old when we dated. So much for the theory that dating older guys means they'll be more mature.
I'm happy to hear that things are going well with new guy. I hope he's as nice as you make him out to be. Goodness, you deserve it. Keep us posted.