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So much for that!

+just+j++just+j+ member
in Blended Families

More X bitching....

DD is now not going to X's the weekend I move.  I yanked that deal when he tells me's not moving to his new place until the 1st, and that he's bunking with another friend for that weekend. A friend that I don't approve of.  So i said, "You know I really don't care for him, so why don't I just keep DD and when you're all moved in, then we'll discuss starting EOW." 

He didn't not hesitate to say "okay".

So now I will have to ask mom to keep DD the weekend I move.  Which I guess is better anyway because she's going to have my nieces too.  I'd rather DD be with her cousins than X and his buddy. 

I can't wait until he's moved in and we settle into an EOWE habit. Or at least establish one.  I'm really sick of this back and forth and nothing coming of anything. Even if he cancels a weekend, at least we don't have other people factoring into it, I know exactly where she's at, we have the drop off location established, firm dates, etc. 

I am ready to get on wtih my life and establish some consistency and if he's established in his own place, that will go along way.  April can't come soon enough.

"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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Re: So much for that!

  • 2chatter2chatter member

    Will his moving really mean that you won't have to deal with those things?  From the sound of things, I would think this will be an every 6 - 18 months kind of issue.  I also might be projecting my situation onto yours.  I thought, YAY, ex rented an apartment.  Not so exciting when he was evicted for never paying 3 months later.  Or YAY he has a house AND a job!  Not so much when he "didn't agree with what the landlord wanted" (oh, that RENT stuff?) and moved again a few months later....

    Fastforward 4.5 years....he is living with a friend he was going to stay with "for two weeks".  This has been true for 5 months.  DD told me when she gets big she will not buy a house, she will stay with her friends.  So when it's winter, she can move away from the lake and the pool house to a friend who has ping pong and a Wii.  After my head stopped spinning we had a conversation about that....

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    He is not going to settle into a habit. If he wanted to see her he would be doing it already. If his only concern was where to sleep then he could have taken a three year old and offered to take her out all day and give her back for sleeping but he chooses not to because either pissing you off is more important than being a Dad or because he just has no clue how to be a Dad. After you get settled you will be able to figure out your new normal and who can help with DD when you need it because I do not imagine a point where you can rely on him.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    I am waiting till about 3/25 till you start hearing all the reasons that his move has been delayed or cancelled. This is typical behavior from him. I'm glad your DD gets to see her cousins and you will get to start over in your new place.

    He will never be consistant!

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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    image+just+j+:

    More X bitching....

    DD is now not going to X's the weekend I move.  I yanked that deal when he tells me's not moving to his new place until the 1st, and that he's bunking with another friend for that weekend. A friend that I don't approve of.  So i said, "You know I really don't care for him, so why don't I just keep DD and when you're all moved in, then we'll discuss starting EOW." 

    He didn't not hesitate to say "okay".

    So now I will have to ask mom to keep DD the weekend I move.  Which I guess is better anyway because she's going to have my nieces too.  I'd rather DD be with her cousins than X and his buddy. 

    I can't wait until he's moved in and we settle into an EOWE habit. Or at least establish one.  I'm really sick of this back and forth and nothing coming of anything. Even if he cancels a weekend, at least we don't have other people factoring into it, I know exactly where she's at, we have the drop off location established, firm dates, etc. 

    I am ready to get on wtih my life and establish some consistency and if he's established in his own place, that will go along way.  April can't come soon enough.

    Based on how your X was with your stepkids, I hate to say that I am not all that surprised by his behavior. 

     

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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    imageLittlejen22:
    He is not going to settle into a habit. If he wanted to see her he would be doing it already. If his only concern was where to sleep then he could have taken a three year old and offered to take her out all day and give her back for sleeping but he chooses not to because either pissing you off is more important than being a Dad or because he just has no clue how to be a Dad. After you get settled you will be able to figure out your new normal and who can help with DD when you need it because I do not imagine a point where you can rely on him.

    This.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Jen, he lives 2 hours away, so that's not an option.

    If it were, I would take him up on it.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    image+just+j+:

    Jen, he lives 2 hours away, so that's not an option.

    If it were, I would take him up on it.

    Honestly J, if he wants it then it is always an option.  When we moved to Boston SD was living in Philly with BM which was approximately a 6.5 hour drive.  We drove every other to every third weekend to Philly from Boston right after work, to get SD and then drove another hour to my parents house so we had somewhere to spend the night and not have to pay for a hotel.  Then on Sunday around noon we drove around 25 min to a train station to meet BM to hand-off SD.  We did this from August until April when DH took custody and then continued to do the opposite dropping SD off with BM every other to every third weekend so that SD could see her mother until BM basically took off around October or so.  For over a year we never went more than two weekends without having SD even though it was around 13 or so hours of driving because of rush-hour and then Sunday driving.  I know it was easier with a pre-teen than a 3yo in many ways and I believe that your DD still naps which is an issue too but I see all of his reasoning as excuses.

    As I have said before, I truly hope for your DD that he changes and steps up.  I hope it for you too because I know how much you want it for DD.  And as I have said many times, I have no doubt that DD will be fine either way and will grow up to be a productive happy woman.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    image2chatter:
    Will his moving really mean that you won't have to deal with those things?nbsp; From the sound of things, I would think this will be an every 6 18 months kind of issue.nbsp; I also might be projecting my situation onto yours.nbsp; I thought, YAY, ex rented an apartment.nbsp; Not so exciting when he was evicted for never paying 3 months later.nbsp; Or YAY he has a house AND a job!nbsp; Not so much when he "didn't agree with what the landlord wanted" oh, that RENT stuff? and moved again a few months later....
    Fastforward 4.5 years....he is living with a friend he was going to stay with "for two weeks".nbsp; This has been true for 5 months.nbsp; DD told me when she gets big she will not buy a house, she will stay with her friends.nbsp; So when it's winter, she can move away from the lake and the pool house to a friend who has ping pong and a Wii.nbsp; After my head stopped spinning we had a conversation about that....


    Just saying, I had to laugh at this. Not just because it was funny but because sometimea it is easy to forget how much more kids learn from our lifestyles rather than our teaching words. Being a parent really is being put in the spotlight.
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