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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TTCAL.buddies.with.LilMags.and.mundayem~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DS1 10/10/09, Angel Baby 9/19/10 (12 weeks), DD 11/11/11, DS2 11/12/12
Why does....?
Egg donation have to be totally anonymous?
Im not trying to be confrontational but I just don't get why it has to be so secretive. I totally understand the parents wanting their privacy and having fears about the donor but why can't their be some lines of communication?
In all honesty I would just love to know 1) a pregnancy resulted 2) was it a singleton or multiple 3) gender I am doing this so that people can build families and having that knowledge would help me know that things were working out!
Is that asking too much? Help me understand. Thanks ladies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TTCAL.buddies.with.LilMags.and.mundayem~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DS1 10/10/09, Angel Baby 9/19/10 (12 weeks), DD 11/11/11, DS2 11/12/12This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why does....?
DOR and AMA
2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
Follow up testing in September all clear;
Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
12/12- Officially an OB patient!
Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN
Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)
Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids
Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN
Likely OAD- NBC
It doesn't have to be - you just need to find a program that has known-donor options.
I have written 2-3 letters to our donor, and I would *love* to meet her and have a "keep in touch" relationship. I am not threatened by her and we are extremely grateful! She seems lovely (she's written us too).
I know the big program in Oregon allows for email and even phone contact! I think though, for some people, it's just hard to accept that you couldn't use your own eggs, and that manifests differently for different people. For some people, knowing the donor would make the fact that the baby was not genetically theirs feel bigger, and harder.
I think there should be different options for different types of people - some are very adamant on the anonymous nature, and then there are people like me who'd love to know my donor.
My clinic allows communication via the clinic (open letters/gifts they review first with no identifying informatoin) - and she knew we had a succesful cycle. In fact, I was just getting ready to write her a "end of first trimester" letter and tell her we are having a boy! I know she welcomes the contact, and that was one of the reasons (and requirements) for us to choose her.
Hope that helps a little - it's awesome you are a donor!!! I'd say just look for a program that allows you to have that information or gives the option at least so that you can feel better about the experience!
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
It is a personal decision. Me personally want an anonymous donor. And I guess my opinion has been from past events, My eggs don't work. When we couldn't afford IVF we turned to adoption. let me just say failed adoptions. Then we turned to foster care. I was so close to adoption there and a week before we would be able to adopt our foster baby of 18 months a family member that didnt want her when she came into care changed her mind. I have been a temp mom for so long. I want a baby we can raise. I thank god that someone is willing to give me a gift of an embryo that can be mine. A baby that can call me mom without it being awkward. Will I let him or her know how someone gave me an egg because I didn have any yes. But do I want to deal with another family that the child really belongs to. I have delt with that for years and I just want to be mom. Just mom nothing complicated. I have been accused of taking so and so's child. Or how could I wanna rip a baby from that family. Maybe its not like that if you were the donor but, it happens. I want to put the fact that I am broken behind me.
It wouldn't bother me if the donor knew if a pregnancy was a result, sigle or multiple and gender but, how many donors would want to take it further and how much further. What about a donor that had second thought after donating? It happens and then what? A gift of being a normal mom and dad or even the chance to at least try is all I want.
Please don't judge me for this. I am infertile but I don't want to defined by that.