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update on bm lead

horseyk2001horseyk2001 member
in Adoption

On wednesday I received a lead about a bm.  Today I found out some more information.  Turns out she has already given up two other children for adoption and this will be her third.  She leads a bad lifestyle but refrains from drugs and alchohal during pregnancy.  The birth father and grandparents don't want the baby.  She was pregnant with twins, but lost one, so now is 4 months along with one.  We've emailed some info about us and some photos to see if she's interested in us.  At what point do I get the agency or lawer involved?  I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, but it's hard not to.  Any tips or advice would be awesome!

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Re: update on bm lead

  • maryoosamaryoosa member

    Well, a few things, don't get your hopes up high. I know that seems harsh, but there have been a number of failed matches here lately. I'd honestly get an agency or a  lawyer involved fairly quickly if you are certain you want to match with this person. That said, if you aren't already involved with an agency, there is usually a process to get involved with one- ours for example took about a month to register with, and then we couldn't get into a homestudy class for two months. It took about 2 months to process a bunch of paperwork-clearances, fingerprints etc, and we are still waiting for our official homestudy to be completed even though our social worker said that it would be done four weeks from the time of the visit- it will be 8 weeks on Wednesday. So---lesson here---agencies are slow.

    I'm not sure how things work with an attorney, because we never considered  independent adoption- for us, we thought working with an agency would be safer and more streamlined (of course, our emom wound up finding us through our friends and streamlined is not the way I'd describe this process).

    Just also one slight language note--- our agency encourages to use the phrase "made an adoption plan" rather than "gave up to adoption". 

     And some other questions--- 

     Are you willing to help your child have a relationship to it's siblings? (or half siblings)? 

    What is the level of openess that the emom has with those families? Do the kids have relationships with each other? 

    How honest is she being in reporting her drug/alcohol usage? If she has a "bad lifestyle," is she really refraining from the drug and alcohol use during pregnancy? 

    Good luck! 

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  • LIQueenLIQueen
    It does not sound like she has said who she wants to adopt her baby yet right?  I would not get an agency involved until she says she is interested in you guys as a couple.
    7/18/12-1st RE appointment CD2 blood work taken. Told to move straight to IVF. Starting BC pills and FSH injections plus Lupron. Hopefully doing ET in September Off BCP March 2011 Started TTC July 2011 7 months TTC with no luck an then.... Diagnosed 2/24/12 with 2 Ovarian Cysts. 3/22/12-Lap to remove cysts, look for endo, and see if tubes are clear. 3/22/12-Diagnosed with Severe Endo(tubes are clear). 4/4/12-Post op OBGYN appointment. Told chances of conceiving naturally are very low, but told conceiving in the next few months is our best chance due to being cleaned out during Lap. Referred to a RE. RE said IVF is our only chance to get pregnant. Told only a 20% chance even with two put in. 9/5-Lupron 9/20 Stims(Menopur & Follistim) 9/30 Trigger time 10/2 ER 10/3 fert report-out of 7 eggs retrieved only 2 fertilized. Hello "Thing 1 and Thing 2!" Kinda sad there is none to freeze. Because only 2 we will have 2DT to get them back into a natural envionment 10/4 ET. Found out that only 1 divided. We love you "Thing 2." Thing 1 is now snuggled inside me and we are praying it will be our take home baby! **Did not even make it to my beta, the day before on 10/16/12 I got my F'in period** Such a stab in the heart. Nov 2012-Moving onto domestic newborn adoption! Can't wait for my take home baby. We will try IVF again after 1-2 years of a clear head. Need a break from infertility treatments/issues for my mental sanity! image
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