SIL spilled the beans on our baby's name...(vent)

leahj224 · March 2013

Okay, so about a month ago, we decided to tell our immediate family what we were going to name our baby...to do so, I painted his name with craft letters from Michaels, and we sent out a message to our "inner circle of trust." After they received it, we called and talked to everyone, explaining that we wanted to keep the name private, but were so excited that we wanted to tell family--after all, both names are family names and honor different members of our families.

Everyone is very excited about this new little guy, and my sweet bff and my husband's sisters all wanted to help with the baby shower. I said I'd help them out however they needed, but they pretty much took the run of the show. One person planned the menu, one person organized the theme, and one of my sister's-in-law said she wanted to make the invitations (so sweet, right?). What great people!

But, then, about a week ago when the invites had been sent out, I received a rather irritated phone call from another close friend asking me if I'd named my baby and hadn't bothered to tell her...(she was partly kidding and partly serious).

Turns out--they put his name on the shower invites...How irritated should I really be? On one hand, I am totally appreciative of the love and kindness and know that the shower is a gift from them completely. On the other hand, I'm pretty freakin' irritated that I didn't get the chance to at least announce it myself to others.

Thoughts?

CRLSMC2011 · March 2013

That's really rude and obnoxious of SIL. I guess at this point there's nothing you can really do about it. We have made a point of not saying anything about the name to anyone to avoid this. Not even our parents or siblings. But yea, I would be really mad at SIL and probably wouldn't tell her anything at this point until I was ready for it to be broadcast to the world.

bumpuser5125333 · March 2013

I wouldn't be that upset, but I also think it's dumb to keep the name a secret from only some people. Your SIL probably forgot...which is why you should tell everyone or no one.

MAdams728 · March 2013

I would be disappointed that I didnt get to announce it to everyone, but I dont think you can really be upset about it. Honestly, choosing to tell a select few people the name and keeping it from others was never a good idea. Either you tell, or you dont, but dont pick and choose. That's putting the burden of your wishes on other people and expecting them to never slip up. And if others found out that you told X and Y but not them, it could even hurt feelings.

Beachy730 · March 2013

JohnsonShmonson:
I wouldn't be that upset, but I also think it's dumb to keep the name a secret from only some people. Your SIL probably forgot...which is why you should tell everyone or no one.

Ditto. I get being annoyed that you couldn't tell people, but you can't expect everyone else to know who is in the loop and not, so I don't think you have a leg to stand on to be upset with her. A name is just a name, and not nearly as big of a deal to everyone else as you think it is.

ScottsdaleMama · March 2013

Beachy730:
JohnsonShmonson:
I wouldn't be that upset, but I also think it's dumb to keep the name a secret from only some people. Your SIL probably forgot...which is why you should tell everyone or no one.
Ditto.  I get being annoyed that you couldn't tell people, but you can't expect everyone else to know who is in the loop and not, so I don't think you have a leg to stand on to be upset with her.  A name is just a name, and not nearly as big of a deal to everyone else as you think it is.   

All of this. IMO 'secrets' of any kind are pretty much all or nothing, once you spill the beans it's out there and you have no control. It sounds like an honest mistake and it's not really a big deal to anyone but you.

AliciaR777 · March 2013

My SIL is due at the end of March. She told me the name of the baby, and then immediately told me they aren't telling anyone. I can honestly say that last fact slips my mind often, and I've caught myself on several occasions almost spilling the beans. I can't help but think that this wasn't done to hurt you or upset you, it seems like an honest mistake.

ames519 · March 2013

I would be extremely upset about this if I was you. We have decided not to pick a name until our little guy is born and are not even sharing our thoughts with anyone to avoid this happening. I am sorry this happened. Try and hang in there.

BeckyTheEngineer · March 2013

MAdams728:
I would be disappointed that I didnt get to announce it to everyone, but I dont think you can really be upset about it. Honestly, choosing to tell a select few people the name and keeping it from others was never a good idea. Either you tell, or you dont, but dont pick and choose. That's putting the burden of your wishes on other people and expecting them to never slip up. And if others found out that you told X and Y but not them, it could even hurt feelings.

Do you want to be mad at her? If so, what purpose will that serve? Honestly, you told multiple people the name, and she may have assumed that everyone knew. You said yourself that you couldn't keep your name a secret, so it is unfair to expect other people to do what you didn't. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but I think that you should move on and enjoy your shower.

Lolalipsy · March 2013

JohnsonShmonson:
I wouldn't be that upset, but I also think it's dumb to keep the name a secret from only some people. Your SIL probably forgot...which is why you should tell everyone or no one.

This. I'm not really familiar with baby showers but in a way aren't you announcing the name anyway? It's your baby shower after all.

Miananderson · March 2013

Beachy730:
JohnsonShmonson:
I wouldn't be that upset, but I also think it's dumb to keep the name a secret from only some people. Your SIL probably forgot...which is why you should tell everyone or no one.
Ditto. I get being annoyed that you couldn't tell people, but you can't expect everyone else to know who is in the loop and not, so I don't think you have a leg to stand on to be upset with her. A name is just a name, and not nearly as big of a deal to everyone else as you think it is.

I don't get why you would only tell your "inner circle" to begin with. What does it matter if other people find out about the name now or later? If they aren't close enough to have been told the name to begin with, then I can't imagine them being close enough to care very much about the name of your child anyways.

Mommy2CB · March 2013

Yeah that sucks but I guess there's nothing you can really do about it now, so I'd let it go

We keep our names a secret til the birth, though I did tell my 2 BFF's, but that was IT. They both live far away though so don't talk to any of our other friends, so it's a little easier for them not to slip up or anything.

botanicalbliss · March 2013

I would be annoyed, but that's why you either tell or don't tell. Sorry dude.

MommySms · March 2013

We haven't told anyone what we're namin our son for this exact reason. If it were me and someone broke our confidence we would change the name. Name him something else and confront the person who told.

imoan · March 2013

And don't tell big secrets by doing some grand reveal thing if you don't want it to get out. If it's really important that you tell a few select people, whisper it in their ear, immediately tell them not to tell anyone and be done with it. You can't be an AW AND also keep it a secret completely. When you do some big to-do like that, it's going to leak out.

It's a bummer, don't get me wrong. I'd be bummed too. But your SIL wasn't being malicious.

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