Pressure.

mrskeyte9 · March 2013

So I'm 12 weeks 4 days and am entering 2nd tri in less than a week. This is a major milestone for me with previous loss. I'm excited and so is my DH! We have not announced yet due to my previous loss. I'm nervous as all get out that once I announce something will happen. My last miscarriage was at 12 w so I've past that with an ultrasound confirming a heart beating. I know it might sound silly to some but it's a valid fear of mine. My mom pushes me almost everyday about when we can announce and my friend without a previous loss just says its silly and just announce already. No one really completely understands my fear and nerves. Anyone with a previous loss go through this? I do want to announce and have my family and friends know but the fear holds me back. Any advice from my pgal ladies?!

JocelynB0911 · March 2013

There is no right or wrong time to announce this. I completely understand your fear and feel when the time is right for you, you'll know. I dont talk about my loss ever and took it pretty hard last summer. That didnt stop us from announcing after our first u/s. We felt we announced with our first two early (6w mark) and also with the one we lost and also with the twins this pregnancy. I have always been the type to not let fear hold me back and I am sure that has to do with my medical history more than anything.

Like I said you'll know when the time is right.

SweetPeaK26 · March 2013

I understand. My loss was 13 weeks, and its hard to feel safe when most others do so much earlier. We didn't announce on FB till we were past the 13 week mark with confirmed hb with both the girls. However, we did tell all extended family within days of finding out. We wanted their prayers for our baby. And we wanted their prayers as support if we did have another loss. So, we did tell early, but we also waited to go totally public.

Lol, this time we are just planning on putting a picture on FB after the baby is born, just like a big surprise to our friends. Our close friends know, but random people will find out at te very end!

ravenclaw1 · March 2013

I'm right there with you

If it were up to me, I'd announce the day the baby is born (and I'm only sort of kidding)

Just be very firm with your mom and friend - say that you know they might not understand, but this anxiety is coming from a very real place and you need them to respect your decision and not demean it. I hate the feelings that come with this sort of thing.

sorry you're dealing with this.

rheavner · March 2013

I had a m/c in October of last year at 7w5d. My sister announced her pregnancy 3 days before the loss when she was just 4 weeks. We told our family of the loss when it happened.

We told my husband's family about this pregnancy when we passed the loss miilestone by a week. They were very supportive through the loss.

We have an u/s on Wed. at 12w3d. We plan to announce after that. However, I am not in a huge rush to tell my parents, I jus don't want to.

The choice to tell is yours, good luck with your decision.

waterfall11 · March 2013

I totally understand. We have told a few close friends and immediate family (I figured if I would tell them after the fact if I had a miscarriage I might as well tell them before so they could be praying for us) but I have no desire to announce in general. My loss was just before 15 weeks so I am currently living in baggy sweatshirts to hide my already growing belly (showing a lot earlier 3rd pregnancy even though I haven't gained a pound). I think it will always be a little scary, but as a pp said you will know when you are ready and don't let anyone push you into it before you're ready.

VitaLuna · March 2013

I've never had a loss, but I feel the same way about the pressure to announce. I am very concerned about something happening (to the point that it frustrates DH), and I've been very hesitant to tell anyone. I think part of it is that I still don't feel like it's real. I think my brain is blocking me somewhat from feeling excited for fear that something will happen. We have an appt next week, though (13wks), and I really think/hope it will be better after I can hear the HB.

I'm sorry your family doesn't understand. I really wish people would just let pregnant women announce when/how they want without having to have an opinion on everything.

csspencer · March 2013

I had a loss last year at a little over 12 weeks. My mom and mil were pressuring me to tell, we were a couple days away from announcing when I miscarried. This time we said we want to be well into our 2nd trimester before we announce, my mom is very understanding this time, while my mil is being a total b!tch, and went behind our backs and started telling people. DH told her today that its our news to share, she had no right to tell people, and now she will be told things when we share with everyone. So she will know te sex when we announce it to everyone, and not a moment sooner, and with future pregnancies she will know when we announce. She was p!ssed, but we personally don't care.

When you tell is a personal decision, and if they don't understand than they lose their right to learn of anything before you are willing to announce to everyone.

enhr820 · March 2013

I completely understand. I've had several losses, but none this far along so I feel great about that, but I still haven't officially announced. My mom knows (and my dad b/c my mom couldn't be quiet), but not my siblings or extended family. I just wanna know when I'm gonna feel comfortable enough. And I think those fears are totally normal girl.

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