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Blended Families
SimpleJane
member
UO Thursday
SimpleJane
member
Let's do unpopular opinions!
Mine, I don't think that SOs should get much, if any, say in kid related things unless marriage or some kind of life long commitment is on the table. My kid means my decisions.
This is an UO in my house at least, as I know J wishes I would let him be more involved. It's just my thinking that the choices I make regarding discipline, school, health, holidays, custody, ect. are decisions that XH and our children will deal with forever. BFs and GFs that haven't yet made lifelong commitments shouldnt get a say in those things.
Mine, I don't think that SOs should get much, if any, say in kid related things unless marriage or some kind of life long commitment is on the table. My kid means my decisions.
This is an UO in my house at least, as I know J wishes I would let him be more involved. It's just my thinking that the choices I make regarding discipline, school, health, holidays, custody, ect. are decisions that XH and our children will deal with forever. BFs and GFs that haven't yet made lifelong commitments shouldnt get a say in those things.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: UO Thursday
Then why oh why are so many people wearing them?! I have a coworker who owns a pair in every pastel color imaginable. She looks like an easter egg!
Even if unpopular, I agree with OP. I am a GF and will admit, when I started spending time with SO's son, I was all about how he should be raised, what SO should be doing, and disagreeing a lot with what BM did (all discipline related). I was also very vocal to SO about this (thankfully had the mind to not tell SO's son about how I felt). At some point, I was complaining to a friend, and she said 'You are NOT his mother, you are not his step-mother, butt out?!'. I was incredulous..until I took a moment to think about now. Now, I keep my mouth shut unless SO asks, and it's been so much better for all of us. I had to learn the hard way!!
My UO is that if a child really wants to participate in an extra-curricular activity, it should not matter which parent has the child for that activity - they should commit to going. I know "I get to choose what we do with my time, no one can dictate what we do when they are with me" is the official rule, but I wish lazy parents, or ill-informed parents (parents that never participated in these things when they were children, thus hold it to lower importance, no matter how important it is to a child) did not get away with stuff just by citing this rule.
Again - this is if it's important to the CHILD, not to the other parent. I realize that's fuzzy, but if the child wants to do it, I don't care who has you in their custody for that day, they should take you.
I do not believe that extra-cirricular activities are the be all/end all of a child's life.
There are million of children who do not participate in sports or dance or choir or band, that go on to be well adjusted, responsible adults.
HOWEVER, there are enough studies out there that show that children who do not spent time with both of their parents DO have greater issues at home.
https://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html
So unless the NCP is not engaging with the child during his/her visitation, it is more important for them to be together, then it is for the child to be on a soccer field.
And given the number blended families out there, most coaches/instructors understand that and work within those parameters.
Side note: once one gets to highschool, I do believe that the child can have more say in what he/she wants to do. HOWEVER, MOST KIDS THAT PLAY PEEWEE SPORTS OR PLAY AN INSTRUMENT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL BAND DO NOT MAKE IT AT THE HIGHSCHOOL LEVEL.
Here's my BF-related one-
I think that MH's relationship w/ DS is more important than XH's. If XH ever moved here, I would do my best to change my mindset... but 'til then, it is what it is.
Non-BF-
I totally judge people who are on their phones/iPads the entire time they're spending time with their kids. I see so many parents at the park who don't even once look up from their phone. Not only do I think it's not okay, but with really young ones I think it's negligent.
Another-
I don't know whether this is unpopular or not, but it bugs the hell out of me when people on FB post vague 'woe is me' type status updates, garner a ton of attention and concern and then NEVER answer people's questions about what's going on. Either put it out there or don't, people.
This annoys the crap outta me.
My UO: I like colored skinny jeans. That's half my wardrobe now, until I can wear more skirts and dresses, and yes, they're colorful, too.
My other UO: you shouldn't be "playing" house with an SO with no long term commitment when there are children involved. If you're living together, eating meals together, shopping together, scheduling together, you are a FAMILY, so you should get your act together and figure out what you're doing long term.
So, SO living together = SO gets a say in discipline, etc.
BF/GF, not living together = I agree with SimpleJane
This. It breaks my heart when SS has to go with someone he doesn't know. I have had to convince SS that the woman at our doorstep was his BM, and then deal with the "no she isn't, don't make me go". Either be an active positive parent in your child's life or bow out.
I have another UO:
I believe when you marry someone with children, it is like a marriage and adoption on the same day. I don't care for my stepsons because I love DH. I care for them because I love them, each, individually, as much as my husband.
I know this is not a popular opinion on here or in real life, but I think if more people viewed marrying into a BF that way, there would be far fewer people unhappy with their BF situation they married into, because likely many of them would chose a different path.
I completely agree with this one for sure. We were engaged for 6 months before my so moved in, and we wouldn't have done it that early but his company went under and he found a job here and it didn't make sense to drive that far. From that moment he was one of the family with just as much rights here as everyone else.
I have too many friends who have guys moving in and out and they have little kids. How confusing for the poor kids! One girl had her ds call each one daddy. He had about 10 "daddies" before she finally married one of them. He is one messed up kid.
Also it takes a village to raise a child especially when you're a fractured family. Married families enjoy a lot more autonomy with regard to decision making than divorced ones. In short I will not sit around and watch a child be blatantly ill cared for just because I'm a girlfriend I'm a wife but I've felt this way from the beginning on another token my house, my rules so I will absolutely enforce rules and parenting that may be different when a child is in my home.
My UO is it seriously seriously bothers me when parents spank their kids. I really wish no one would employ this parenting technique any more