Sharing

DaizyMay22 · March 2013

I was at a play group today and one of the 2 yr olds had brought a toy with her. Daisy, my one year old, walked over to the toy, which was sitting on the floor a few feet away. The little girl was sitting on her moms lap and didn't want to play. I didn't think anything of it but the mom told her no no and that it wasn't hers. Daisy just kind of looked at her and reached for it again. The mom asked the two year old if she would allow daisy to play with her toy. The little girl said no. The mom looked at me and said it looks like she's not sharing right now. I was shocked. I know it is her toy and not daisy's but she wasn't playing with it at all, I just was a little taken back that she had the perfect opportunity to teach her child to share but she chose not to. When we are in group I always make try to make sure my kids are sharing if they are playing with their toys or someone else's. Am I judging to much or do you think she should have made her child share?

DaizyMay22 · March 2013

I know the family pretty well. There really wasn't much of a reason other than she didn't want to. I just thought it was odd.

laurn321 · March 2013

I think there's a movement now to treat kids and their stuff like adults do... like, say my computer and I are sitting at a coffee shop and I'm not using it at the time. If someone walked up to me and asked to use it to surf the internet, it's completely socially acceptable for me to say no because I wouldn't necessarily want a stranger using my computer. On the flip side, we expect kids to share everything without respecting that they might not want to at the moment (even if it is "just" a toy to us).

I don't really know how I feel about it to be honest, but I do remember reading that in passing. It might be what that mom was implementing.

Mar5195 · March 2013

laurn321:
I think there's a movement now to treat kids and their stuff like adults do... like, say my computer and I are sitting at a coffee shop and I'm not using it at the time. If someone walked up to me and asked to use it to surf the internet, it's completely socially acceptable for me to say no because I wouldn't necessarily want a stranger using my computer. On the flip side, we expect kids to share everything without respecting that they might not want to at the moment (even if it is "just" a toy to us).
I don't really know how I feel about it to be honest, but I do remember reading that in passing. It might be what that mom was implementing.

I don't think that works in this scenario. Because sure you wouldn't share your computer with a stranger but if you were out to coffee with your friend and they asked to use it you'd very likely let them.

If the OP was at a park and a bunch of random children were playing and OP's DD went to get someone's toy it is the OPs duty to say "No No DD that's not ours we don't play with it". But they were at a play date, playing together which kind implies they share together because they are friends. At least that would be my expectation.

I'd like to think I'd teach my son that if a toy is so valuable he can't share with someone we need to leave it at home. I don't know if that logic is able to work with a 2 yr old. Mrs. JudgeyMcJudgerton (ME) believes that other Mom missed a moment to teach her older daughter to share.

laurn321 · March 2013

Hah that's a good point. I forgot that the OP knew the kid in question. It still might be a possibility I guess. I don't share everything I have even with my friends though I hide my stuff in those cases

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Ya Never Know · March 2013

I have a friend that does this all the time with her son. He doesn't share e.v.e.r. and he makes a huge ordeal whenever he doesn't get his own way, so she just gives in. Sometimes it's really hard not to judge. I get that you don't want to deal with your kid making a scene, but they don't learn that way. Also, instead of teaching her son to share, she teaches him to put all his toys (regardless of whether he's playing with them or not) away somewhere where no other children can get them. That always pissed me off to no end, because whenever I went to hang out with her, when DD went anywhere, not even touching his things, he'd follow her around making sure she wasn't touching anything, and if she got too close to where he'd hidden his toys, he'd push and hit her... which is a whole other story that drove me nuts.

suitern · March 2013

Mar5195:
laurn321:
I think there's a movement now to treat kids and their stuff like adults do... like, say my computer and I are sitting at a coffee shop and I'm not using it at the time. If someone walked up to me and asked to use it to surf the internet, it's completely socially acceptable for me to say no because I wouldn't necessarily want a stranger using my computer. On the flip side, we expect kids to share everything without respecting that they might not want to at the moment (even if it is "just" a toy to us).
I don't really know how I feel about it to be honest, but I do remember reading that in passing. It might be what that mom was implementing.
I don't think that works in this scenario. Because sure you wouldn't share your computer with a stranger but if you were out to coffee with your friend and they asked to use it you'd very likely let them.
If the OP was at a park and a bunch of random children were playing and OP's DD went to get someone's toy it is the OPs duty to say "No No DD that's not ours we don't play with it". But they were at a play date, playing together which kind implies they share together because they are friends.   At least that would be my expectation.

I'd like to think I'd teach my son that if a toy is so valuable he can't share with someone we need to leave it at home.   I don't know if that logic is able to work with a 2 yr old. Mrs. JudgeyMcJudgerton (ME) believes that other Mom missed a moment to teach her older daughter to share.

I agree with this 100%! I am of the camp that if you are at a play date and you bring out a toy, it better be something everyone else can play with. If it is that valuable and loved, then it stays at home or in the car. I feel like this was a missed opportunity for the mom and girl.

Jeanine88 · March 2013

This would absolutely rub me the wrong way. Manners are very, very important and sharing is something that should always be encouraged, regardless of the age of a child. I'm sorry that happened and I would have felt awkward if I was in that position.

Lena122 · March 2013

That's a tough one because there could be several variables. Would Daisy have freaked out if the girl took her toy? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the mom was at her wits end and just didn't have the energy for a battle with Daisy right then. Maybe Daisy had a cold and the mom didn't want her sharing her germs. Maybe that other kid has a history of breaking other kids' toys.

In general, I agree that it's a good learning opportunity but at the same time I don't think I'd judge without really knowing the full situation.

ETA: I just realized Daisy is your daughter and not the other kid. So disregard that part.

heymommy · March 2013

The girl is two not exactly an age to teach in a mixed group. The mom asked her if she felt like sharing and the girl said no. End of story.

Maybe it is something they are working on just not in that setting.

2chatter · March 2013

I think it's obnoxious. I can recall a few times exactly like that at playgroups with the girls. I thought it was rude, controlling and poor parenting then, and I still do. It helps that I have since seen some of those children as older kids, and I can honestly say that you can absolutely tell who didn't share at playgroup!