Not sure about breast feeding

MrsSewall · March 2013

OK so my 2nd LO is coming in a few weeks. I know breast feeding is the best for the baby but with my first it was so horrible. I was miserable, my son and I passed thursh back and forth 3 times. I just wanted my body back. My son is a very happy, healthy little boy now. I can't help but think I don't want to breast feed more than the 6 weeks I did with my son. My hubby's opinion is we should try it. And I will but I also don't want to be worrying and upsetting myself and the baby.

I guess this was more a vent because I feel like a horrible mother because everyone pushes for breast feeding. ugh I guess I also just want to have this baby!

tokenhoser · March 2013

You really don't have to decide this now. Decide to start, see how it goes. We've never had thrush in almost 2 years of bfing.

SarahRae85 · March 2013

"Breast is best" is right only in regards to food options for a newborn.

What's really best for the baby is a happy, loving, as-stress-free-as-possible mom. It's great that you are willing to try again even after the horrible first experience. With luck, this time it will be a breeze and you'll fall in love with it. Of course, what matters most is what works best for you, and if that ends up being formula after a few weeks, then formula it is.

Best of luck!

ClandestineX · March 2013

Some people say it will give your little one a higher IQ, though, those types of "sayings" aren't conclusive. I was exclusively formula fed and I have a high enough IQ to become an engineer. I know some pretty dumb people who were breast fed.

So that whole theory is iffy.

Another saying is that it gives your baby a boost of your immune system, which I believe is something that has been tested and proved. If your family isn't the type to get sick a lot you can potentially get by without your little one being sick all the time, limiting exposure (whether breast fed or not) to sick people help in that aspect too.

evelyntaylor · March 2013

We did the same thing with thrush and then I ended up with an abscess. That being said, I actually cannot wait to BF again because I KNOW it will be different. I know some of the mistakes I made, I've read more books, and I work in L&D and have learned so much just from the LCs. Anyway, your guilt might make it even more difficult so if you want to truly try, then do it. Otherwise, let yourself accept that it is just not going to work out for you and don't worry about what others think.

RibbitGrl930 · March 2013

The last thing your baby needs is for you to be constantly stressed out. If you have a terrible time breastfeeding after you give it an honest try, then you should not feel obligated out of guilt. Yes, in terms of nutrients, breast milk really is the best thing for babies. However, in the long run, it will only run you ragged and spill into other areas of your child-rearing that will adversely affect your relationship with your little one if you continue to do something that stresses you out, all out of guilt. Breast vs. bottle is a personal choice that nobody else should guilt you over.

BigPoppa22 · March 2013

ClandestineX:
Some people say it will give your little one a higher IQ, though, those types of "sayings" aren't conclusive. I was exclusively formula fed and I have a high enough IQ to become an engineer. I know some pretty dumb people who were breast fed.
So that whole theory is iffy.
Another saying is that it gives your baby a boost of your immune system, which I believe is something that has been tested and proved. If your family isn't the type to get sick a lot you can potentially get by without your little one being sick all the time, limiting exposure (whether breast fed or not) to sick people help in that aspect too.

Yeah funny thing about those IQ claims, tell most of those people who like to shove that down people's throats to ask their own mother if they were breastfed and for how long. Most will be shocked to learn that they weren't. Hope their IQs turned out OK! I was born in the 1970s, when only 24% of babies were breastfed *at some point* and only 5% a few months into infancy. I do not think my generation is stunted in any way.

To the original poster, do what you want. Breast is best, but if you are stressed and having a really hard time with BF, it is not going to benefit your baby.

tokenhoser · March 2013

I don't know anyone that actually breastfeeds because of the IQ claims. That's a really weird thing to bring up.

It's been a really rewarding, peaceful part of my life and it makes me sad that it has to come down to a "the benefits aren't really REAL" shouting match. Do what works for you in the end, but you don't really have to justify your choice by saying other people aren't getting anything out of breastfeeding.

mrsannie · March 2013

I had a terrible start to BFing with my first as well. I stuck it out and things didn't get better until at least 12 weeks. It was probably a couple months after that before I started to enjoy it and consider it easy and I ended up BFing for 16 months. My rough start with my first has me anxious but excited to BF this 2nd time. I feel much more knowledgeable and know that there are LCs, etc to help if things aren't working.

Just like every pregnancy is different, every BFing experience will be different. I think it's important to go into with good intentions, an open mind and know that no matter what you will feed your baby one way or another. Good luck!

babyalex124 · March 2013

Aw don't feel like a horrible mom! It's natural to have hesitations and fears about motherhood even if it's the 2nd time around.

I breastfed my daughter for 20 months and only stopped b/c I got pregnant and my daughter self-weaned. And it wasn't easy in that I had to be dairy free for 6 months (like VERY strict dairy free) because she just screamed and screamed alllllll day long. It broke my heart. But I don't regret any of it at all.

I totally understand the feeling of just wanting your body to yourself. It's been 3 years since I've had that. I wish I had time between nursing and getting pregnant. So now the thought of nursing for another 20 months just seems so daunting to me, but I know it's what is best for my son and that is more important to me. You have to do what's right for you and baby. If it's too stressful and traumatic, then you know what you need to do. You don't need anyone else to tell you what's best. La Leche League is a wonderful resource as well if you are struggling. But whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about it. You're a wonderful mother no matter what you decide.

RussianMommy · March 2013

I dont want to BF at all, I have no desire or interest to it. The only thing that's making me try it is that formula is $$$$

Spacebunny19 · March 2013

Can you talk to someone at a La Leche or another breastfeeding support place? I can see why you would want to avoid a problematic second experience BFing, but every experience is different. Hopefully, you will not have a problem with thrush again (never had it with DD#1) but perhaps if you talk to someone who has more experience/knowledge, they can maybe help you figure out how to avoid it? Good luck.

Dolls2011 · March 2013

SarahRae85:
"Breast is best" is right only in regards to food options for a newborn.What's really best for the baby is a happy, loving, asstressfreeaspossible mom. It's great that you are willing to try again even after the horrible first experience. With luck, this time it will be a breeze and you'll fall in love with it. Of course, what matters most is what works best for you, and if that ends up being formula after a few weeks, then formula it is.Best of luck!nbsp;

This. My OB said this exactly. She said if you're not comfortable doing it then the baby won't be happy doing it. Feeding your child shouldn't be a negative experience. Formula is not terrible and it doesn't make you a bad person if you formula feed. Don't let ANYONE make you feel bad about it. Good luck!

Mommy2CB · March 2013

Don't feel guilty, it is your body and you had a bad experience last time. You can always try it out and if it's not working then at least you tried.. however, you may have a completely different experience.

My DS1 was a preemie so I exclusively pumped for a bit until I was able to BF.. shortly after he developed a dairy allergy. They had to give him special formula (though he was on some formula anyway) and I had to stop BFing for a few days and get the dairy out of my system.. though of course I had to continue to pump & dump every 2-3 hours so I wouldn't lose my supply. We were able to BF for a little but had to supplement with formula as well, and it got to the point where DS was refusing breast milk. My pedi said he had gotten to the point where he was getting more formula and just preferred the taste.

I felt super guilty about stopping, but it was really hard for me to not eat dairy at all, and pumping every 2-3 hours was tough. It's not for everyone but I have also heard from many it was so much easier once they stopped, even though they felt guilty about it. My goal this time is to try it, but if its not working out, to not beat myself up over it. Our DS1 is a healthy 20 month old, rarely gets sick.

Happy momma = happy baby!

laurakaz13 · March 2013

I had an easy time BFing, but I wasn't happy at all doing it. I stopped at 5 months and became a million times happier. No regrets. I honestly don't understand how people could love it, but that is just my experience. I just did it for the benefit of my DD.

If I could have stayed home longer on maternity leave I may have tried to do it longer, but only for the benefit of DD. Not for myself at all.

I say try it, but switch to formula if it isn't working for you. No big deal.

jinnymb · March 2013

I had a horrible experience with DS1 and ended up pumping til he was 4 months old.

I would say give it a try because with DS2 it worked wonderfully and I nursed him til 14 months.

At worse it just doesn't work again for you. Either way I would contact a LC now and build a relationship and express all your concerns. I did this for DS2 and it was a life saver.

Good luck either way!!

homebird · March 2013

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you want to try, give it a shot and see how it goes. You don't have to make a permanent or long-term decision now, kwim?

hmt7 · March 2013

I tried with all 3 of my daughters and hated it every time....I pumped for the first few weeks for colostrum and other goodies, but then switched to formula. DD3 is a preemie and was told NOT to breastfeed since she needs the nutrients and calories in the preemie formula that she would not get with breastmilk (she is also not gaining weight so I am doing what is best for her). To me, it is all about what is best for both of you. If you aren't happy, then don't do it!! The whole "its bonding time" thing is crap....I bond just fine with my kiddos giving them a bottle. And so is my husband. She doesn't need to be sucking from his nipple to bond with him....

sunkissed7804 · March 2013

You have to do what is ultimately going to make you happy because your baby will sense your state. With that being said I believe that you could have an entirely different experience this time around! Try hard to be positive, push fears and worries aside...just enjoy that closeness with your baby!!

I wanted to also say that it is not true that breast feeding is only good as a food option for baby.

It is important not to overlook the emotional attachment and stress relief that it provides the baby as well. The maternal health benefits as well as the community health benefits are also important factors in the promotion of breast feeding.

Not all mothers can breast feed for a variety of reasons and that is okay. BUT breast feeding is promoted as such an integral part of society because of the overwhelming and longstanding benefits it offers to individuals, families, communities, as well as society as a whole.

Good luck mama!! Lots of positive vibes and support being thrown your way!!

sunkissed7804 · March 2013

jinnymb:
I had a horrible experience with DS1 and ended up pumping til he was 4 months old.
I would say give it a try because with DS2 it worked wonderfully and I nursed him til 14 months.
At worse it just doesn't work again for you. Either way I would contact a LC now and build a relationship and express all your concerns. I did this for DS2 and it was a life saver.
Good luck either way!!

Support is typically a key factor!!

synchrosally · March 2013

tokenhoser:
You really don't have to decide this now. Decide to start, see how it goes. We've never had thrush in almost 2 years of bfing.

I agree with this. If you want to give it a try again, then decide to start and see how you feel. I never had thrush either. There's nothing wrong with not loving it and choosing to formula feed. A well fed baby is a happy baby and a happy mama. Whatever decision you make only has to be right for you and your family. Good luck.

MrsJ723 · March 2013

SarahRae85:
What's really best for the baby is a happy, loving, as-stress-free-as-possible mom. It's great that you are willing to try again even after the horrible first experience. With luck, this time it will be a breeze and you'll fall in love with it. Of course, what matters most is what works best for you, and if that ends up being formula after a few weeks, then formula it is.
Best of luck!

This. I think it is great you are willing to give it a try considering your experience the first time, but if you end up not wanting to, that is okay too.

BelhurstBride · March 2013

I agree with token and bird. Give it a shot, if it doesn't work, switch. I imagine you'll feel less guilt about it if you know you at least tried.

emolm · March 2013

Do whatever you feel will be best for you guys. Even if you only bf for a few days, that's still really good. If you don't bf at all, that's completely awesome too.

rm2013 · March 2013

Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.

tokenhoser · March 2013

rm2013:
Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.

Totally disagree. EP-ing is the hardest road of all, not less stress and strain.

rm2013 · March 2013

tokenhoser:
rm2013:
Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.
Totally disagree. EP-ing is the hardest road of all, not less stress and strain.

What makes you say this? Just curious, as to how its harder.

jinnymb · March 2013

rm2013:
tokenhoser:
rm2013:
Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.
Totally disagree. EP-ing is the hardest road of all, not less stress and strain.
What makes you say this? Just curious, as to how its harder.

Because nursing babies eat like every 2-3 hours and if you are pumping in between that time then feeding them the bottle you are doing double the work. It is easier to do with your first than second when you have another child to spend time with in between. Not impossible just a lot harder, plus it is harder to keep your supply up with just pumping.

tokenhoser · March 2013

jinnymb:
rm2013:
tokenhoser:
rm2013:
Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.
Totally disagree. EP-ing is the hardest road of all, not less stress and strain.
What makes you say this? Just curious, as to how its harder.

Because nursing babies eat like every 2-3 hours and if you are pumping in between that time then feeding them the bottle you are doing double the work. It is easier to do with your first than second when you have another child to spend time with in between. Not impossible just a lot harder, plus it is harder to keep your supply up with just pumping.

Yup, it takes more time (because you have to give the bottle, pump, and clean things up). It's harder to get a good supply established and harder to maintain it. It's just more work.

I have nothing but admiration for women that choose to do it, by necessity or by choice, but suggesting it as an easy way to have the best of both worlds is really shortsighted. It doesn't work out for a lot of moms that try to EP.

laurakaz13 · March 2013

tokenhoser:
jinnymb:
rm2013:
tokenhoser:
rm2013:
Also an option to consider is just pumping and giving LO bottles. BF benefits with less stress and strain on you.
Totally disagree. EP-ing is the hardest road of all, not less stress and strain.
What makes you say this? Just curious, as to how its harder.
Because nursing babies eat like every 2-3 hours and if you are pumping in between that time then feeding them the bottle you are doing double the work. It is easier to do with your first than second when you have another child to spend time with in between. Not impossible just a lot harder, plus it is harder to keep your supply up with just pumping.
Yup, it takes more time (because you have to give the bottle, pump, and clean things up). It's harder to get a good supply established and harder to maintain it. It's just more work.
I have nothing but admiration for women that choose to do it, by necessity or by choice, but suggesting it as an easy way to have the best of both worlds is really shortsighted. It doesn't work out for a lot of moms that try to EP.

I agree with all of this. I think BFing became so extremely difficult for me once I went back to work when DD was 3 1/2 months old. Pumping was freaking hard. I definitely think it's a huge part of BFing, but doing it very exclusively tanked my supply.

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