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Am I out of place?

sjones771sjones771 member
in Blended Families

I have been with my SO for almost 4 years now, and he has a 5 year old son. Things are usually pretty good. We have our routine with SS and my DS (who I had with SO). I got home from class tonight and SO told DS he could camp out in his tent in the living room. SO didn't know I had a paper to finish and currently the only computer we have is the desktop, which is in the living room.

I have no problem with DS "camping out," but i need to do my paper. DS is usually pretty good about doing the bed time thing and being quiet, but not tonight. I keep telling him he needs to quiet down so I can work, and he keeps making noise. I finally tell him that he can either A) sleep now in the tent, or B) go sleep in daddy's bed where he can read his books and what not. DS gets upset, saying it's not a camp out, and then says he wants to go to Nani's (his maternal grandmother).

So tells me I'm not being nice, that DS can't understand what I'm trying to do. U, yes, he does. He's a smart kid. I tried to tell SO that I was not being mean, that I gave DS options and he got mad because he didn't get his way. When he doesn't get what he wants, he will say he wants his grandmother. Should I have not told DS that he gets to choose this or that? I feel like it was fair and he was just being pouty, and that SO got upset that his kiddo wanted his grandmother. 

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Re: Am I out of place?

  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    I think you are being perfectly reasonable and that your DH is not being supportive enough of your needs.  Schoolwork first (speaking of, what is your five year old doing up so late?).

    Does he have his own bedroom?  Could the tent have been made up in there?  Not saying you even have to offer these options, but since the only other option you mention was dad's room, I'm curious.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • Amanda88Amanda88 member
    I am a FT student and a SAHM. My SS is almost 5 and he hates when I have long homework days. However, we have a policy. If I'm doing homework you must play in your room quietly. I had a similar situation recently with online finals and SS was camping in the living room where I do my homework. He pipped up once. We have a "I'll tell you once and then you are done" rule. He was quiet after that. You had every right to ask him to be quiet so you could concentrate. Your SO should have backed you up. 
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    imagesjones771:

     DS gets upset, saying it's not a camp out, and then says he wants to go to Nani's (his maternal grandmother)....he was just being pouty, and that SO got upset that his kiddo wanted his grandmother. 

    So your adult boyfriend is dense enough to be manipulated by a 5 yo? 

    Honestly, the only reason why SS is doing this, which is a perfectly normal, age appropriate response, is because you are giving in to him when he does it.  Even just giving him extra comfort/love/attention positively reinforces that manipulating Daddy with guilt works.

    It is up to you and your boyfriend to teach him the RIGHT way to handle unpleasant (for him) situations.

    ***As for the situation, itself.  Yes you have every right to no only ask SS to quiet down or leave.  But you know what, you were also perfectly ok to ask SS to totally vacate the living room the minute you got home.

    By 5, children should be able to understand that life changes and how to take it graciously. 

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  • stephcarterstephcarter member
    imageIlumine:
    imagesjones771:

     DS gets upset, saying it's not a camp out, and then says he wants to go to Nani's (his maternal grandmother)....he was just being pouty, and that SO got upset that his kiddo wanted his grandmother. 

    So your adult boyfriend is dense enough to be manipulated by a 5 yo? 

    Honestly, the only reason why SS is doing this, which is a perfectly normal, age appropriate response, is because you are giving in to him when he does it.  Even just giving him extra comfort/love/attention positively reinforces that manipulating Daddy with guilt works.

    It is up to you and your boyfriend to teach him the RIGHT way to handle unpleasant (for him) situations.

    ***As for the situation, itself.  Yes you have every right to no only ask SS to quiet down or leave.  But you know what, you were also perfectly ok to ask SS to totally vacate the living room the minute you got home.

    By 5, children should be able to understand that life changes and how to take it graciously. 

    This!! I couldn't have said it better!!!  


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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    No you were not right in your approach, it should have been nipped in the bud from the get go.

    Kiddo should have been put to bed by your H end of.

    Instead YOU let him camp out and then got mad about it.

    You didn't say anything wrong BUT it just should never have got that far.

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